A week passed. Madam Solis was stripped to her undergarments before the crowd and whipped until she fainted. The woman who had to be whipped at times set by the Emperor until the number of lashes was complete would be exiled as soon as her punishment ended. 

 As the girl who would be the Emperor’s wife received protocol equivalent to the imperial family, the price for abusing her was severe. Thus the people of Derosa had to hold their breath as if standing in bitter winter cold. 

 The House of Solis went bankrupt and Duke Albrov, the head of House Solis, also had to bow his head to the Emperor and beg forgiveness. 

 While such suffocating time passed, Jeanne suffered severely from fever again. The Count’s household was quite worried since they hadn’t expected it to take this long, though they had anticipated she wouldn’t recover quickly given how delicate she was. 

 However, Jeanne blamed herself, unaware of how much the adults around her were spending their time in fear and anxiety. 

 ‘I’m stupid. A stupid who can’t do anything.’ 

 Jeanne sniffled and blamed herself. Madam Solis hadn’t been seen for days. She didn’t ask why she wasn’t coming. She was afraid that if she asked, she would hear that it was because she was too stupid. Because she was a child who didn’t improve no matter how much she was taught. 

 So Jeanne just sniffled alone. Lana said it upset her whenever Miss cried. That made Jeanne feel like crying again. 

 She felt like she was becoming a burden to everyone. 

 “I want to stop. I think it’s better to just live like before.” 

 Jeanne mumbled softly. Madam Solis always said posture must be proper. Though she liked learning etiquette lessons, Jeanne wasn’t confident she could be perfect. She had neither the confidence to work until reaching the standard the woman wanted nor to become the beautiful lady she desired. 

 The Emperor was a gallant and handsome youth. Even to ignorant Jeanne, he was enchanting beyond measure. But Jeanne was terrible. According to Madam Solis, she was an absolutely dreadful wild horse among wild horses.

She endured all those difficult times and followed her words. Jeanne felt so terrible every time Madam Solis showed a disappointed expression that she wanted to strangle herself. 

 Lana said she shouldn’t do that. That she shouldn’t have such frightening thoughts. So whenever such thoughts came, she shook her head to clear them away. But now she was tired of enduring even those sensations. 

 “……I don’t want to do this anymore.” 

 It was pitch black night. She met the gaze of the purple eyes looking down at her. The eyes mixed with the darkness of night were like sticky tar. It was her fiancé whom Madam Solis had so revered. 

 Since she fell ill, the Emperor visited her once every day. Despite the considerable distance between the imperial palace and the Count’s mansion. 

 Though her father showed signs of reluctance, he cleanly ignored the reaction of his father’s friend and mentor. Jeanne liked seeing him every day regardless of her father’s feelings. 

 Even while blaming herself and feeling terrible about her own inadequacies, she couldn’t withdraw her feelings of liking him. Going on walks or having tea with him alone was always exciting. However…… 

 “What?” 

 “I said I want to stop.” 

 “Stop what.” 

 The Emperor asked. Jeanne tried not to whimper. She needed to say she wanted to stop becoming brother’s bride now, but those words wouldn’t come out well. His jewel-like eyes were beautiful like blue moons plucked from the night sky and set there. Jeanne’s lips trembled before she lowered her head. 

 “Be-becoming brother’s bride…… I, I don’t think I can do it.” 

 No matter how she thought about it, Jeanne could not become the perfect lady Madam Solis wanted. Becoming a beautiful bride worthy of the Emperor was also far off. She had wanted to become a better lady than Antonia, but as that child said, since Jeanne was an illegitimate daughter who grew up knowing nothing in the remote countryside, it seemed she could never become like her. 

 “Ra-rather marry Antonia. Antonia is……” 

 “Why?” 

 Jeanne, who had been fidgeting with her fingers while leaning against the headboard, turned her head toward him. Her tear-stained vision began breaking into pieces. Like last time, he was leaning against the windowsill, watching her by the moonlight. 

 “Why should I marry her?” 

 “That’s, that’s because Antonia is a better lady…… Madam Solis said to be your wife, one must be a perfect lady.” 

 She bit her lip hard. Thinking of Madam Solis made her chest hurt again. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t satisfy her. Even in moments when she thought she had done everything well, the woman found fault. Though Father said Jeanne was already excellent, she didn’t believe it. Madam Solis hated her because she truly was lacking. 

 “Hic……” 

 A sob escaped through her pressed lips. She raised her arm to wipe away the welling tears. She wanted to go back to before when it was fine not to be a perfect lady. Though Pendley had many eccentric people due to poverty, they were all kind and pure-hearted. Jeanne’s shoulders shook as she cried and thought of Dad. 

 What would Dad say if she asked to leave for Pendley with Mom? Since Dad had a wife…… Since Dad’s real daughter was Antonia, not Jeanne. 

 “Jeanne.” 

 It was when her crying grew stronger that long, cool fingers lifted her chin. The two eyes submerged in dark waters were pitch black. A teardrop that had gathered at her chin fell to the floor. Red lips touched her straight nose. Jeanne, who had been sniffling, opened her eyes. The soft skin moved away as warm breath covered her nose. 

 It felt like feathers tickling her heart. Though this sensation wasn’t the first time, it was still unfamiliar to Jeanne. She made her hands into small fists and stared at the boy. If it were daytime, she would have run away. She would have fled crying. 

 How could she meet his gaze directly when her heart was pounding like this? But now the night was protecting her…… 

 “I won’t marry anyone but you.” 

 “But……” 

 “You don’t need to learn anything. Actually, you……” 

 He lowered his gaze for a moment. Jeanne was curious what he would say. The boy who had been staring at her rounded hands clasped together as if choosing his words finally raised his head. 

 “Do you like babies?” 

 It was an unexpected question. Jeanne stared at him blankly before imagining a tiny baby. The image of one squirming while wrapped in swaddling clothes filled her mind. Jeanne nodded with a bright smile. Of course she liked them. Could there be people who dislike babies? How could anyone not like such small and cute beings? 

 “Yes. I like them.” 

 Jeanne smiled with rosy cheeks. She had once begged her mother to have a baby. More precisely, to have a sibling. When Mom asked what she wanted for her birthday gift, Jeanne had shouted ‘A baby!’ 

 ‘Have a baby, Mom. I’ll take good care of it. Okay? Jeanne can take good care of it!’ 

 ‘Jeanne……’ 

 ‘Mom please– Please? Amy has a sibling. Julie also has a baby at home. Today Amy showed me her sibling and it was so pretty.’ 

 Jeanne who had been begging with clasped hands clung to her mother’s worn skirt hem. Amy was a village girl three years older than Jeanne. She had brought out her newborn sibling to look after while their mother went to work in the fields, and Jeanne had fallen in love at first sight with Amy’s sibling. 

 ‘Jeanne, Mom told you before. Babies can only be had when angels bring them.’ 

 ‘Then ask them to bring one. Okay? Ask them to bring a baby……’ 

 ‘That’s for the angels to decide, not for Mom to decide. If Jeanne listens well to Mom every day……’ 

 ‘No! Ask for one now!’ 

 Jeanne stamped her feet as she burst into tears. She was angry remembering Amy who had left after endlessly bragging about her young sibling. Jeanne wanted a sibling too. It seemed like every day would be fun if she had a sibling. 

 But Mom said babies weren’t something you could have just because you wanted them. Jeanne couldn’t understand. No, she didn’t want to understand. 

 ‘Stop it!’ 

 Mom shouted at Jeanne in a firm voice. Jeanne stopped crying in surprise and looked at her mother’s hardened face. Her pale face had bitten her lips tightly. Jeanne stared at her with wet eyes before begging forgiveness. Her mother held her and whispered. 

 ‘Mom doesn’t need any baby but Jeanne.’ 

 ‘But Jeanne isn’t a baby anymore……’ 

 ‘That’s not true. Jeanne is still Mom’s baby. I won’t have any other baby. So……’ 

 Her mother closed her moving lips. White fingers stroked her round head. Jeanne thought of Amy’s young sibling and buried her face in her mother’s chest. 

 “Mom said babies can only come when angels bring them.” 

 Jeanne, who had been reminiscing, murmured softly. Just because you like babies doesn’t mean everyone can have them. She said babies are brought by angels so not everyone can have them. Jeanne thought it was unfair. 

 “You know what? You’re also a baby.” 

 It was when she was pouting like a baby duck. He smirked. Jeanne blankly looked at him smiling with a heavy face before shaking her head. 

 “Jeanne isn’t a baby……” 

 “Yes you are.” 

 He lightly pinched Jeanne’s chubby cheek. Jeanne squinted one eye. A small laugh shook her ears. He slowly laid Jeanne down then gently grasped her two hands clasped at her chest. The moonlight was scratching out the boy’s silhouette in the darkness. Jeanne felt her heart racing again as she watched the sharp boy even in the dark atmosphere. She dug her nails into the blanket and blinked.