Deep Boredom - ✿ dusk blossoms ✿

He felt bewildered by Rasha’s departure, but he never questioned “why.” He knew better than anyone else why she had left, even if he pretended not to understand.

Rather, her absence had been foreseen. Didn’t Rasha tell him clearly? Let’s stop, let’s break up. However, Chedev casually brushed off those words. In the end, his foolish stubbornness dominated his mind, believing that she would understand him.

And it was the same now.

The knights would find Rasha within a short period of time, and then the dangerous and secretive undercurrent of her returning to his side was deeply rooted in his rationality.

Perhaps this was a different aspect of weariness. A relationship that settled into the present. Familiarity taking precedence over excitement, and monotony prevailing over affection.

Just by not rushing out to find her right away… He was in a fairly good condition, considering he had lost his long-time lover. However, something deep inside him was restless like waves, and it couldn’t be said that it was the same as usual.

He had already loosened his cravat, but he felt like his throat was tightening again. Chedev sighed and looked out the window. The night sky had darkened.

Nevertheless, he could still endure.

For now.

* * *

Chedev developed a few peculiar habits.

First, when he woke up in the morning, he would repeatedly sweep his palm across the empty space beside him as if there were some illusion he could still see. In reality, it was a hand gesture of pulling Rasha, who used to lie next to him, but since she had vanished without a trace, he disguised it as a habit of pretending not to know when others saw him.

The only thing his outstretched palm touched was the cold, flat sheet. Every time, he felt strangely and inexplicably hollow in this space. It was a chilling sensation that squeezed his heart without any reason. It was peculiar and subtle. Chedev felt an uneasy sinking feeling and slowly got up.

And secondly.

“…. You should probably go and check it right away.”

“Understood.”

After finishing his preparations to go out, Chedev sent his aide out first and unconsciously headed towards the direction of the bed. It was because in the early morning, he used to kiss Rasha’s forehead as she wandered in the realm of dreams before leaving.

This, too, had become a strange habit of walking to the empty bed for no reason since Rasha disappeared. Chedev, who stood abruptly still as if he had encountered a cruel reality when approaching the bed, let out a sigh and turned his foot away.

Lastly, the third habit was related to meals.

Whenever he was in the mansion, Chedev had meals with Rasha as much as possible. Knowing that meals were crucial for Rasha, who was inherently delicate, Chedev took meticulous care of her during those times.

Perhaps due to his extensive experience on the battlefield since childhood, Chedev mainly had meat-focused meals that could fill his stomach. On the other hand, Rasha preferred lighter meals and had a preference for tangy and sweet fruits over the main course. Chedev personally peeled the fruit skin every time to make it easier for her to eat.

“…. My lord?”

“Oh.”

Only after hearing the call of his servant did Chedev realize that he was mindlessly peeling off the fruit skin without any thoughts. In fact, he didn’t even like anything tangy or sweet, and it didn’t suit his taste buds. This act of peeling fruit for the sake of Rasha had also become a meaningless behavior.

Every time he encountered these obsolete habits, he felt a strange sensation. It felt empty, unpleasant, and unsettling. He gently stroked his chest, then swiftly wiped under his nose. The distinct aroma of the peeled fruit lingered on his fingers and strongly stimulated his sense of smell.

“This is driving me crazy.”

He pressed his temple with his fingertips. Actions that usually went unnoticed on his body began to stand out due to Rasha’s absence. Every time, he felt a surge of indescribable emotions.

And then, that night arrived.

“Your Excellency.”

Verhine, who had set out to track Rasha, appeared after three days. Chedev finally felt his hazy mind awakening throughout the day, or rather, during the close to three-day period. He didn’t even realize his own change in response to that joy. And again, he mistook the pale expression on Verhine’s face, which was more sluggish than usual, as merely a result of the dimly lit office.

“Alright. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet, but… “

Verhine slipped her hand into the folds of her robe and took something out. Chedev, whose spirits quickly withered at the mention of “not yet,” followed her touch with his gaze.

What the knight pulled out from her embrace was none other than a handkerchief. For some reason, it was dusty and marked with footprints, completely disheveled. Chedev received it and froze in place, gazing at the pattern embroidered on the edge.

“Just in case, while searching around the square, I discovered this.”

“….”

“This handkerchief… Wasn’t it a gift from Your Excellency to Miss Rasha?”

Verhine cautiously asked, but he couldn’t utter a word.

After a moment’s pause, Chedev examined the handkerchief more closely with a somewhat anxious gaze. It was a poorly embroidered purple blob, as if to indicate a lack of skill, and beside it, the bloodstains had turned a dark black, reminding him of the passage of time.

‘Why are you making it, Master? I’m not going anywhere…….’

‘Not master, Chedev.

He smiled and left a gentle kiss on her lips like a habit, calling her by her title instead of her still unfamiliar name.

‘Because you worry about me too much.’

He spoke optimistically, but besides wielding his sword, he was almost useless in terms of skills. However, unable to refuse with Rasha seated on his lap, he dedicated himself to embroidery for a full week. During the process, he sought Verhine’s advice several times, showing her the embroidery he was working on.

The finished product was nothing more than a clean rag. Even in his own eyes, it was a terrible level that furrowed his brow. Yet, Rasha smiled calmly, as if she had received the most precious gift in the world. Seeing her so delighted over something so trivial, Chedev felt that his week-long effort had great meaning.

It was an item imbued with such youthful memories.

“….”

But then, why….

Chedev, who had been staring at the handkerchief until his eyes were sore, suddenly jolted upright. And with an uncontrollable movement, he rushed out of the office.

“Your Excellency!”

Surprised, Verhine hurriedly followed behind him. Where could he be going? Chedev headed straight for the bedroom. More precisely, the antechamber connected to the bedroom.

He walked resolutely and forcefully opened the last drawer.

He already knew that Rasha kept something precious here, or more precisely, something she had received from him. When this compartment began to serve that purpose, Chedev was curious and occasionally peered inside. As time passed, the frequency of that action decreased, and recently, he had completely forgotten about the existence of this compartment. However, he still remembered that Rasha had placed something very precious inside.

For a brief moment, Chedev lost his radiance in front of the pile of gold coins that were stacked like a mountain of dew. With trembling hands, he rummaged through the drawer, searching every nook and cranny. Most of the items that caught his eye were gifts he had given. The interior largely matched the appearance he remembered from several years ago.

However, there was one thing missing.

The handkerchief that Rasha had said, ‘This is precious, so I’ll keep it in the innermost part,’ was not there. Ironically, it was held in Chedev’s own hands.

“….”

Chedev’s hand, which had been rummaging through the drawer like a beast, gradually ceased its movement. Then, his gaze shifted and landed on the pile of dazzling gifts inside the drawer.

Rasha was never foolish. The seven years he had spent with her had proven that she was clever. Therefore, if she had left this place on her own, he speculated that she would have prepared some means to safely hide until he found her. Furthermore, he thought that she would have naturally taken these items, which would become money, for her own means.

However, many jewels and accessories, which he had given to her overflowing in his arms, were mostly left here.

The only thing Rasha had taken was just this handkerchief.

And to make matters worse, it had returned to him in this pitiful state…

The meaning behind this sent chills down his spine, and for a moment, Chedev’s vision became blurry. The unease he felt every time he repeated this futile habit surged through his head without warning. Only now could Chedev define this sensation.

Anxiety.

It felt like someone was squeezing his heart, scratching at it relentlessly. That sensation was none other than anxiety.

It had merely been concealed. The foolish belief that Rasha would eventually return to his side unharmed despite the current situation was like a trap, deceiving his heart. Therefore, it couldn’t be fully expressed. But when Verhine accidentally discovered and brought it, the evidence that Rasha may have been in danger exposed his unstable inner thoughts without mercy.

This handkerchief was the most definite evidence that something had gone wrong with her safety.

“……F*ck.”

Verhine keenly responded to the master’s low-pitched voice.

Chedev’s clenched fist suddenly struck the drawer. Bang, bang, bang! The drawer, unable to withstand his ferocious strength, began to lose its shape in no time. As sharp fragments repeatedly flew out, scratching him, Chedev’s hand was covered in bloody scratches.

Something deep within him seemed to boil uncontrollably. The more he looked at the handkerchief in his hand, the more it seemed to be in disarray, just like everything else. His heart was racing so fast that he couldn’t calm down at all.

If Rasha is in trouble.

If that’s the case….

“Your Excellency.”

The inadequate Verhine reached out her hand to stop him.

“Release the knights to the maximum.”

Before her hand could touch him, Chedev issued an order with a perplexed tone. Even Verhine, who was accustomed to unexpected situations, was taken aback.

“I don’t need any protection. Search every place Rasha could go without leaving any stone unturned. If anyone knows any news or has seen her, bring them to me immediately, no matter how trivial.”

“Yes.”

“And if you happen to find Rasha…”

Until he clenched the rag-like handkerchief in his hand, this was nothing more than a game of cat and mouse between lovers with an obvious outcome. Running away when you know you’ll be caught, not catching when you know how to catch. A childish yet somewhat fierce game of cat and mouse that only those who had piled up layers of affection and trust could play.

However, now that there was evidence that something might be wrong with her safety, he could no longer dismiss it as a trivial game.

He sighed.

“Bring her to me.”

If he wanted to resolve this overwhelming anxiety, he knew very well that she had to return to him unharmed.