Suddenly Becoming Aware

The old gentleman’s steps were regular as he walked down the corridor. Having lived his entire life as the epitome of an exemplary butler, not a trace of disorder could be found in his actions.

But as he approached the gray door, his breath became somewhat irregular. Following that, the hand removing his hat also began to tremble slightly.

There was nothing new about this, as it always happened when he visited this place.

Therefore, the hospital staff who guided the gentleman waited with a calm expression.

“Hoo…”

After taking a deep breath while gripping his hat tightly with both hands, he nodded. The staff then inserted a key into the locked door, turned it, and spoke in a businesslike tone.

“The visiting time is 10 minutes.”

“I understand.”

Once a month, just 10 minutes of visitation.

It was an incredibly cruel rule for the person beyond this door.

However, the hospital’s rules applied without exception to anyone. There was no one to protest against it.

Strict isolation from the outside.

Disconnection from the world.

After all, it was the people who wanted this that are using this hospital. Just as his deceased master had.

…Even though he knew it was a hideous sin, he remained a bystander and kept silent, just like his master.

A deep sense of guilt shadowed the old gentleman’s wrinkled face. But as if it had nothing to do with him, the rusty iron door opened with an unpleasant sound.

Creak.

He entered slowly, squeezing his hat so tightly he didn’t even realize it was getting crumpled.

“…Madam, it’s Bushin. I hope you’ve been well this past month.”

The old gentleman, Bushin, the butler of the Taylor family, bowed his head to someone in the hospital room.

The room was dark.

Although there was a window, it was so narrow that it was less than a hand span wide, allowing no sunlight even during midday.

Nevertheless, a woman was standing by the window.

Her hair, not even properly brushed, was tangled and had patches of white.

Bushin’s face contorted as he stared at this sight.

He remembered all too vividly her platinum blonde hair that used to shine so brightly.

The woman who enjoyed decorating her hair with flowers hadn’t lost her girlish sensibility even after marriage.

She was a woman who laughed easily and was kind to her employees.

Not someone who stared blankly out the window with an empty gaze like now.

“…Madam, it’s Bushin.”

He bowed again, hiding his contorted face by lowering his head.

But the woman’s gaze didn’t turn to him. She just stared at something beyond the narrow window.

Even though she could probably only see the high walls surrounding the hospital.

As if longing for the free life she had enjoyed before being confined here.

No, the empty gaze wasn’t that of someone longing.

The woman, deprived of freedom and forgotten by the world, might just be dreaming an old dream.

Not as the mistress of the Taylor family.

Not as the wife of Sille Taylor.

Just dreaming of the days when she lived as Stella, a young lady full of dreams and an up-and-coming painter.

…Self-loathing and devastation swept across the old butler’s face.

But he spoke with an expressionless face as if nothing had happened.

“Master Lucas is getting married soon, Madam.”

“……”

The gaze that had been wandering somewhere outside the window turned to Bushin. Despite being confined for many years, she hadn’t forgotten her son’s name.

Bushin struggled to compose his expression that was about to crumple, then continued speaking.

“She’s a kind and cheerful young lady. From the Anticia family…”

However, he couldn’t continue speaking for long and closed his mouth. The area around his wrinkled mouth and chin trembled slightly.

How much time passed like that?

Bushin bowed his head deeply and spoke with difficulty.

“Madam… she seemed as warm and good as you were when you were young. Master Lucas smiles a lot when he’s with that young lady.”

“…Lu, that child.”

The woman who had been silent all along, Stella Taylor, opened her mouth. As always, she reacted to the story about her son.

Bushin raised the corners of his mouth that had been crumpling as if about to cry, and nodded.

“Yes, Madam. Master Lucas will be taking a wife.”

“Lu… my child.”

Stella repeated the name ‘Lu’ several times like that. It was her personal nickname for young Lucas.

“…Lu.”

She turned her head back towards the window, gripping the windowsill tightly. Bushin noticed her fingertips turning white as she grasped the sill.

I want to go out.

Let me out.

Although she didn’t say it out loud, her silent scream to be let out reached the old man’s ears vividly.

「Don’t do this, honey! Bushin, help me!」

Stella’s face, reaching out towards him, was contorted with fear. She was too young and fresh-looking to be the mother of a five-year-old son.

The one who made such a person’s face so miserably distorted was her husband, Sille Taylor, the previous head of the family.

「M-Master. The Madam…」

「My wife died suddenly from an unknown illness without time for treatment, Bushin. Since it was a highly contagious disease, we had to bury her hurriedly without even holding a funeral. That’s what you should tell the outside world.」

The words Sille uttered while coldly watching Stella being dragged away by sturdy men were completely unexpected.

「D-Dead? Master! What are you saying? Why would you say that about someone who is clearly alive…」

「Because I’ve decided so at this moment.」

Sille determined the fate of one woman with a cruel smile. And Bushin couldn’t defy his words.

All he could do was visit the mental hospital where Stella was admitted once every month or two, avoiding his master’s eyes, to bring news about her young son.

It was the cowardly atonement of a man who had turned a blind eye to a terrible sin.

No, this couldn’t even be called atonement now. It was merely an extension of the horrific sin.

‘I can’t even beg for your forgiveness, Madam. I don’t have the right to do so. …I will surely pay for all these sins after I die, after my death.’

Bushin looked at Stella, who was still only repeating her young son’s name, then bowed his head again.

Stella Taylor had died long ago.

She was treated as a dead person by Sille Taylor, who had married her for her wealth.

He might have thought he was being merciful by not actually killing her but confining her to a mental hospital.

‘Can this really be called mercy?’

What should we call a life where one is confined to a narrow hospital room for a lifetime, cut off from the outside world, merely sustaining life?

How can we express the life of a mother who can’t even see her young son grow up and get married?

“…I’m sorry, Madam. But… it’s not possible. If you were to appear now…”

“……”

“If the world finds out you’re alive, everything will fall apart. Hoo… Master Lucas, even the innocent Master Lucas will be accused of being unfilial.”

It would be useless to argue that a five-year-old child couldn’t have known anything at the time.

People will believe what they want to believe.

Even if he didn’t know as a child, they would say he should have known after becoming an adult, after inheriting the position of family head.

Or he might be ridiculed for being fooled like an idiot by his dead father and subordinates.

“I will, sob, continue to keep my mouth shut, Madam. I’m truly sorry.”

A tear streamed down Bushin’s withered face. Stella stared at that sight, that pained face, with an expressionless gaze for a moment before turning away.

The patient’s gown was too loose compared to her emaciated body. She climbed onto the bed and pulled the blanket over herself.

The visit was over.

Bushin, receiving the unspoken dismissal, tightly closed his mouth. There might still be 1 or 2 minutes of visiting time left, but he couldn’t stay here any longer.

Because she didn’t want it.

“…I’ll be going now, Madam. I’ll visit you again next month.”

“……”

Stella gave no response to the greeting he offered while bowing his head.

Bushin hadn’t expected any either, so he roughly straightened his crumpled hat, put it on his head, and turned towards the exit.

Creak.

The door opened and then closed with a thud.

A silence heavy enough to easily crush one person settled in the hospital room.

No sound leaked from under the blanket.

This place was Stella Taylor’s narrow and shabby grave.

* * *

The fitting room door inside the dress shop opened, and Giselle appeared wearing a wedding dress.

“Oh my! You look truly beautiful, young lady. As expected, my eye for fashion is never wrong.”