January 11th, Cloudy ☁

Since Kim In-woo seemed too exhausted from crying yesterday, I deliberately let him sleep in.

When Kim In-woo woke up, he seemed embarrassed. When I pretended not to notice, Kim In-woo soon acted nonchalant as if nothing happened. Though his ear tips were red.

It was cute.

***

January 30th, Not Sure

Lately Kim In-woo seems to cling to me more.

We had a lot of contact originally, but these days I wonder if he thinks I’m a cushion or pillow.

Today Kim In-woo clung to my back like an equila (a creature similar to a koala…) (This is quite violent, compared to an equila?) Then he asked if I could stand up. Of course, standing wasn’t difficult. Kim In-woo weighed like a feather.

He seemed to want to test how far I could move while carrying him. The test ended when Kim In-woo lost his grip first and slipped. I carried the tired Kim In-woo in my arms and moved around. Then when Kim In-woo jokingly asked <Are you really human?>, I felt caught and pretended to be tired, wiping sweat after a while. Kim In-woo got down from my arms laughing, but I felt somewhat regretful.

Maybe I should have said I wasn’t human from the start. Even if not my true identity, if I had pretended to be an alien similar to humans, there would have been much more I could reveal. No, if from the start I had treated him well instead of raising him that way…

…

Regret comes too late no matter how early you feel it.

***

February 13th, Clear ☀

Kim In-woo has been staring at me a lot lately.

When our eyes meet, his face turns red and he quickly turns away. I checked his temperature several times wondering if he had a fever, but Kim In-woo pushed me away with a bewildered face. I was just worried.

While Kim In-woo was asleep, I let him sleep deeply and checked his physical condition. Fortunately, Kim In-woo was in very healthy condition. He had grown quite tall, and his weight had returned to normal.

It’s a perfectly satisfactory state.

Satisfactory…

Actually, it’s not perfectly satisfactory, but. That can’t be helped…

***

February 18th, Cloudy ☁

I looked through past records.

…

As expected, I don’t like tampering with Kim In-woo’s memories. That’s not good. It’s not exactly pleasant. It’s not something to do to precious Kim In-woo. Not good. I really hated it. Because I hated it.

The feeling of becoming an idiot when I woke up on the first day after erasing all my memories was really, very, not good…

I’m suddenly curious about something. More precisely, it would be right to say I’ve become curious again.

Why did my past self erase their own memories?

Because my memories were completely erased by myself, I couldn’t know what to be wary of, or what was right. It was a stupid thing to do. Why did I take such a big risk?

Of course, I’ll never know that.

***

March 5th, Rainy ☂

Life with Kim In-woo continues to flow peacefully and happily. Though they’re very trivial daily moments, I was incredibly happy in each moment. There were some minor concerns but no major problems. A fullness I had never felt even once in hundreds of years filled me completely.

My doctor was delighted that my depression symptoms had improved greatly. They also said this was the best condition they’d seen me in since they started seeing me.

Depression has tormented me throughout my life. No, can I say it tormented me? Since you don’t feel emotions intensely while suffering from depression, there’s no torment either. I just lived like a corpse. But it wasn’t entirely good that my depression improved.

Maybe because it’s raining, my emotions were particularly wild today. The past I can’t remember dragged me into a swamp of depression. I’d rather have been depressed than feel like this.

Today especially, murderous intent was boiling. I hadn’t thought much about it before, but suddenly wanted to kill everyone. I want to remember my mother. I want to kill my past self.

Why did I erase my own memories? Even I can’t undo that no matter what. I could only see myself before age seventeen in others’ memories. I should have just killed everyone else instead of erasing my memories.

In my depressed mood, I hugged the sleeping Kim In-woo. Kim In-woo’s tiny warmth enveloped me. It felt like everything was okay. Is this why everyone keeps pets for such warmth? It felt like I could give my life for a being that might be considered insignificant. Of course, Kim In-woo was no longer an insignificant being to me…

It would have been nice if I had met Kim In-woo when I was seventeen. The me then would never have treated Kim In-woo carelessly.

Well, if I had met Kim In-woo when I was seventeen, Ezel would have killed him.

Suddenly I became scared. After Kim In-woo dies, will I be able to live? Should I put Kim In-woo in a device now to keep him in a frozen state? Taking him out only once every 3 years, so we could spend the rest of life together.

(Note: The depression that Arkeans suffer from is fundamentally different from the disease humans suffer from. Arkeans are a species greatly influenced by thoughts and emotions. When Arkeans cannot find a reason for their existence, their range of emotions decreases, their mind splits, and finally they cease to exist. Arkeans naturally survive for 2,000 years, but their actual average lifespan is much shorter. One-third of Arkeans die from depression.)

***

March 6th, Clear ☀

Three days later is Arkea’s Foundation Day. Even if I ignore everything else, I had to show my face on Foundation Day. The problem was that it wasn’t a distance that could be traveled in just one day. In other words, I had no choice but to leave Kim In-woo’s side.

It would be simple to put Kim In-woo to sleep with sleeping gas and leave him in a life support device, but it’s not something to think about so simply. There will probably be occasions when I need to leave occasionally in the future, and it seems wrong to forcibly put Kim In-woo to sleep each time.

I thought it might be better to get Kim In-woo used to being without <Lee Sun-ho>. So I ordered the android to take <Lee Sun-ho> away.

Of course, feeling he should know the situation, I told the android that I had inputted Korean into to explain. The android made up that they were taking <Lee Sun-ho> away temporarily for a health examination. Kim In-woo got irritated saying not to talk nonsense.

I went along with the android despite Kim In-woo’s protests. Kim In-woo got angry seeing me (actually accompanying) being dragged away obediently. His usually friendly attitude toward the android disappeared, and he got angry, bringing an axe and striking down on the android’s head. Of course, there was no way an Earth-made axe could scratch the android.

In the end, while another android subdued Kim In-woo, I left the cage with the android.

I hoped he would be comfortable even without me, but Kim In-woo stood dazed in the cage.

***

March 7th, Clear ☀

I met and talked with Raseti after a long time. Raseti was very upset that I hardly contacted them lately. Strange words. I had tried contacting them several times first but Raseti didn’t answer. I even considered killing them. (I can’t believe this…)

It seems Ezel blocked the communications somehow. Ezel never liked me and Raseti being close… As a result, Raseti, who became isolated from me, seems to have been politically bitten several times.

Hearing this, it seems my depression really was severe for a while until I met Kim In-woo. To the point where Ezel would pull such tricks without even considering my feelings. And this was done to Raseti of all people, my longest-serving aide. (At least they know that.)

Well, that’s probably why Ezel interfered unusually and threw another species at me to raise. From Ezel’s perspective, they wouldn’t want to let me die, so maybe they were trying anything they could. After all, I’m their most useful card in life.

As a result, my depression improved. The problem is that it improved too much and anger towards Ezel has emerged.

When I brought up maybe killing Ezel, Raseti was very pleased. Then they jumped up saying Ezel had also rejected the anti-poaching law legislation last time.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that I was keeping Kim In-woo, a human that Ezel had poached. I just nodded at Raseti’s words. At the same time, like someone without conscience who poaches other species and uses them for entertainment, I closely observed Kim In-woo’s current state through secretly installed equipment.

In the video, Kim In-woo was still lying listlessly. It made me feel so sorry that I wanted to run to him right away.