(Breakdown pt.5)

“If I erase my memories…”

“What?”

Hearing such an absurd thing, In-woo glared at Radel. As their eyes met, Radel stared intently at In-woo with gloomy eyes.

“I’ll erase all my memories. Keep only the memories with you… Fill the rest with fake ones, and then I could become Lee Sun-ho…”

“You’re insane, aren’t you.”

Beyond absurd, it was irritating. The idea of erasing one’s memories like spam mail was ridiculous enough, but it was even more incredulous because he seemed serious.

“Isn’t that just good for you? Must be nice to clear your conscience by conveniently erasing all your memories. While I suffer alone.”

“That wasn’t my intention. Since it means killing my current consciousness, you can consider it killing me. If you hate me, it’s a chance for revenge. The current me will cleanly disappear…”

“You’re really talking nonsense.”

His head aching, Kim In-woo pressed his forehead. Hearing such crazy talk, ridiculously enough, it felt real that this man had been ‘pretending’ to be Lee Sun-ho.

Lee Sun-ho had always been a bit odd. Of course, he was an incredibly affectionate lover to In-woo, but he was different from normal people.

He tried to grasp and control all aspects of Kim In-woo’s life, and his wishes were granted within the limits In-woo allowed. He was also persistently involved in relationships. People around them advised that Sun-ho might be going too far. While he was an incredibly affectionate lover to In-woo, his reputation with others was terrible.

Lee Sun-ho would show it blatantly without voicing complaints. Whether by becoming somewhat rough in bed, or becoming obsessive. Though it was sometimes annoying or suffocating, In-woo put up with it because he loved him.

Having ignored all the ominous signals, this is where they ended up. When he liked Lee Sun-ho, even that restraint had been welcome, but thinking about it now, it was stupid. What made him completely entrust himself to Lee Sun-ho and follow everything he said?

It’s really irritating and he doesn’t want to see him. But he also didn’t want to see Radel die. And the very fact that he felt any emotion toward Radel was irritating.

“Don’t do anything unnecessary. If you care about me at all.”

“What counts as unnecessary?”

“Do I have to spell everything out?”

At the sharp question, Radel avoided his gaze and looked down.

“You’ll call it unnecessary, but… I need to call Ezel.”

“What?”

He had woken Radel up to solve this without calling Ezel, and now he wants to call them? Looking at him with the momentum to hit him out of incredulity, Radel avoided In-woo’s gaze.

“I need to call them to return you to normal. Because you have their suggestion imprinted on you now.”

“So now, you’re going to let that bastard manipulate me however they want again?”

“No, that’s…”

Radel mulled over In-woo’s words. Then shook his head with a gloomy face.

“When you put it that way, I don’t like it either…”

“Absolutely not!”

In-woo glared at Radel while shuddering. But even if he stubbornly refused, he couldn’t live with the suggestion left as is. In the end, there were only two choices. Radel and Ezel. The one who had deceived Kim In-woo for 5 whole years, and the one who openly treated Kim In-woo like a pet and looked down on him. In-woo reached a conclusion without much deliberation.

“You do it instead.”

Radel was better than Ezel. The probability of him hurting In-woo would be lower.

“…Me?”

“Yeah. Can’t you do it?”

“I can’t…”

Radel’s voice scattered weakly. In-woo openly sneered while looking at Radel.

“Useless bastard.”

“…No, I can do it. At least returning you to normal.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t want to touch you…”

It was an exasperating statement. In-woo tried to calm the anger boiling up inside him.

“Then just let Ezel manipulate me.”

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

Radel answered promptly. He should have done that from the start. In-woo gestured with his chin with an arrogant look. Radel drifted toward In-woo like someone being drawn in.

Having suddenly come very close, Radel placed his trembling hand on In-woo’s cheek. He was trembling so much that placing a vibrating smartphone on his cheek would probably shake less. This was like getting hit by fingers.

Trembling like that, there was no way he could do anything. Radel stood there stupidly, fidgeting. In-woo’s eyebrows rose higher and higher as if they didn’t know where the sky ended.

“Stop trembling and hurry up.”

“Sorry…”

“If you’re sorry then hurry up and get away. It’s disgusting touching you.”

Radel’s hand trembled violently as if electrocuted before settling down. Seen up close, Radel’s face had turned as white as it possibly could. But somehow…

It was like a thin mask had been placed over Radel’s face. For a moment, he saw a familiar expression. The image of the violent alien who had casually manipulated In-woo while holding him in the cage. Must be his imagination.

When Radel’s jewel-like blue eyes strangely sparkled in the dark shadows, the momentary anxiety was quickly forgotten. Golden sparks appeared like stars in Radel’s eyes before slowly sinking. It was an incredibly mystically beautiful color. While he was briefly entranced by that sight, Radel removed his hand.

“…It’s done now.”

Radel’s eyes returned to normal.

He had expected to feel something like his mind suddenly becoming clear or dramatically changing, but there wasn’t enough change to really notice. Thinking he probably wouldn’t try to deceive him, In-woo nodded.

“…”

“…”

An awkward silence lingered. It was an uncomfortable feeling he had never experienced when the other person was Lee Sun-ho.

Feeling irritated and frustrated, In-woo pointlessly hit his own chest with his fist. Radel was startled and approached him. In-woo roughly pushed Radel away. The large body that shouldn’t have been pushed back by In-woo staggered, and the moment hurt appeared on Radel’s face, In-woo thought he couldn’t stand being here any longer.

“I want to get off here.”

Need to get off quickly. Must never see Radel’s face again.

Though it may be agonizing like death right now, love too is just an emotional game after all. Like other pains, it will dilute and disappear with time. Just like childhood wounds diluted and the terror of being kidnapped disappeared… It had to be that way.

However, Radel, who In-woo had expected would agree readily given his attitude so far, shook his head.

“Wait a moment. Let me deal with Ezel first…”

“You said you couldn’t touch them.”

Just how long was he supposed to wait for him to deal with Ezel? He needed to get off right now.

But at In-woo’s words, Radel wore an expression of incomprehension. Does he think In-woo doesn’t know the situation and is trying to brazenly lie? In-woo snapped back somewhat heatedly.

“I heard everything.”

“…What?”

“I heard the situation from Raseti. You said you couldn’t touch Ezel.”

“Ah, right…”

But Radel, who In-woo had expected to be flustered, calmly nodded. And for a moment, an incredibly cold energy flashed in his eyes.

“But it doesn’t matter now. It wasn’t that I couldn’t kill them that I left them alone.”

“They’re… essential to you all, aren’t they?”

“To Arkea, perhaps.”

“Right. To you all.”

For just a moment, their eyes met directly when Radel had been avoiding In-woo’s gaze all along. The harmless facade Radel had been maintaining until now peeled away, revealing a blade-like inner nature. Of course, when facing In-woo, that anger melted away instantly like ice in midday. He lowered his gaze obediently and chose his words.