As Radel said, In-woo had also read the latter part of the journal. The sentences dripping with affection brought him no joy at all. He couldn’t accept what Radel had written at face value, and doubted the true meaning.

And now he’s probably still reading all these thoughts.

Radel’s true nature was chilling. He’d heard it was depression but what did he know? Was Kim In-woo supposed to understand that? If Radel had saved Kim In-woo from his miserable situation in the gutter, did that mean he should be given a free pass to do anything?

“Kim In-woo.”

“……”

“In-woo.”

“Mmph……”

“I don’t want to do this either.”

Then let me go. He tried to say that, but only a moan escaped since Radel’s hand was firmly covering In-woo’s mouth.

Somehow Radel’s hand felt a bit larger. Not just his hand, but Radel’s eye level was also higher than before. Though Sun-ho had been taller than In-woo, it definitely hadn’t been this much of a difference, but now that he had become Radel, the gap had widened from before.

I’m scared.

A large shadow is a symbol of fear. In-woo painfully gasped at the overwhelming fear. Tears that had welled up in both eyes fell downward.

He wanted to lose consciousness, but just when his mind was about to slip away, he felt someone forcibly pulling him back up. Radel wouldn’t even allow In-woo to faint. In-woo trembled as he shook his head.

I’ll be good so please let me go…

When he thought that, only then did Radel’s hand fall away. Radel, who had been watching In-woo slumped lifelessly on the sofa in terror, slowly bent down and knelt.

Radel kissed In-woo’s foot. In-woo flinched in surprise and tried to pull his foot out of Radel’s hand. But the hand firmly gripping his ankle showed no sign of letting In-woo go even in death.

Radel’s lips pressed hard against In-woo’s instep, smearing before pulling away. Hot touches invaded inside In-woo’s pant leg. The touch tracing his protruding ankle bone was extremely repulsive. The familiar heat that he was sick of burned In-woo’s skin. The sticky warmth was painful, as if it would burn In-woo completely.

Then Radel’s breath invaded up to In-woo’s knee. When the hot breath touched him, he felt an illusion of coldness down to his bones. In contact with another person, In-woo felt solitude. He was alone. Even in moments when he had deluded himself that they had become two, every time.

A strange, frightening, repulsive man.

Yet always, the tenderness of familiar touches that In-woo had naturally experienced.

He hated himself for naturally seeking traces of his lover in this shameless traitor. At the same time, he was afraid. He wanted to run away. But In-woo didn’t take his eyes off Radel. He had to look straight at him. At who the person before him was.

Crazy bastard. Abnormal fucker. This state was probably depression, but the Radel that Kim In-woo knew was usually like this.

One wrong move and he might rip off Kim In-woo’s head. Or like before, leave him to be captured by Lavas’s nest. Or throw him into a training facility. Though he’s pretending to be weak now by bending his body, he’ll soon reveal his true nature if things go wrong.

In-woo glared at Radel’s deep blue eyes. When Radel pushed his body a bit more inward, In-woo’s legs spread apart on their own. While holding his slender thigh, Radel kissed the inside of In-woo’s thigh. His touch invaded under the clothes.

Finally, In-woo couldn’t endure and closed his eyes.

“Don’t…”

At the weak, frightened voice, Radel raised his head. A flushed face, rough breathing, heated eyes. Even without reading his mind, all the signals were clear, yet In-woo rejected Radel. Radel tilted his head sideways.

“You don’t want to?”

“……”

In-woo didn’t answer. Then, finding the silence ominous, he opened his eyes. That’s when he saw strange golden lights twinkling like dots over Radel’s eyes.

“Don’t.”

“Kim In-woo.”

“No, I said no!”

Though he desperately shouted belatedly, Radel had already read In-woo. With calmly settled eyes, Radel removed his hands that had been holding In-woo.

“Why are you thinking strange thoughts?”

“Ugh……”

“You’re right. I’m not normal right now. But isn’t it too much of an assumption to think I would kill you?”

“I get it. I get it, so please…”

When Radel let out a low sigh, In-woo’s body stiffened. Radel gently tapped In-woo, who was terrified like a mouse before a cat.

“I’m sad, In-woo. That you won’t trust me even after I’ve said all this. Think again. Slowly. Rationally.”

“……”

“Why do you keep having strange thoughts? If I was going to do whatever I wanted, you wouldn’t even be able to think freely like this.”

“What do you want from me…”

“You can’t live without me.”

In-woo’s face contorted at Radel’s firm words.

“No.”

“You’ll try to die if I disappear.”

“I’m not thinking that.”

“Lies.”

“Why would I want to die?”

“Because you think you’ve lost everything. Including Lee Sun-ho, everything. Because you think you never even had anything in the first place.”

Radel casually exposed even the parts In-woo didn’t want revealed.

“Why do you think that? I quietly took care of your trash father, I shut up anyone who could threaten you half-heartedly, and while I did recognize your potential as an actor, it was all thanks to your efforts – I just gave a little help.”

“Shut up……”

“And I’m not some weird s*xual desire getting aroused by hamster-like creatures. I just realized you were an equal being to me.”

“……”

“You don’t need to keep looking for Lee Sun-ho – he’s right here.”

Radel whispered. Lee Sun-ho’s smile appeared on the unfamiliar face. Looking at Radel’s brightly smiling face, In-woo felt a strong impulse.

“I don’t want to read either. But how can I leave you alone when you want to die?”

“I said I won’t die!”

“You will die. You’ll die soon. You’ll commit suicide before long.”

Radel declared like a curse. In-woo bit his lip hard.

“I said I won’t die……”

“No one can lie in front of me.”

“I’m telling you that’s not true.”

“Everyone lies. Most creatures with intelligence do. They don’t know their own hearts well. Even I don’t know my own heart perfectly. It’s common to deny your own thoughts and deceive even yourself.”

“……”

“I know you better than you know yourself. You’re afraid of me, but you love me, and you can’t live without me.”

It was an arrogant declaration, but In-woo felt pathetic because he couldn’t completely deny it. Radel’s fingertips traced In-woo’s face as it twisted in pain. Radel’s touch was tender as he gently smoothed out the creases.

“It would be nice if you’d just trust me.”

In-woo laughed weakly without strength. Trust him, how could he trust the most untrustworthy person in this world?

The conversation went in circles. Neither In-woo nor Radel had any intention of backing down. Radel, who had realized this early on, sighed in frustration.

“What would make you live? You don’t even want to kill me.”

“……”

“How should I help you get revenge? This is difficult. Since I’d be happy with whatever you do to me, I don’t know what would count as revenge.”

“……”

“…I can’t promise to never appear before you again.”

“……”

“I’m sorry for lying.”

“……”

“What do I need to do to make you live?”

“……”

“No, no, I’m telling you. This isn’t a problem that will be solved by me disappearing.”