Hiding Ju-eon from Ji-woong’s sight wasn’t entirely with pure intentions. He couldn’t rule out the possibility that Ji-woong might tell Myung-hwon that he was alive. He didn’t want Ju-eon to be used as a hostage, nor did he want Myung-hwon to know Ju-eon was alive.

“…No. I’ll hold onto it for now. I might remember something.”

Ju-eon awkwardly smiled and gripped the scarf tightly. The soft touch in his hands felt poignant. Even with lost memories, Yeo Myung-hwon’s presence was still too large. Though Ju-eon seemed empty with his memory gaps, Kang Yun-jae said nothing.

But it wasn’t time to reveal that desire yet. Some memories still remained. Acting rashly would lead to unfavorable results. Yun-jae suppressed the blatant emotions in his gaze. There was still plenty of time left.

Yeo Myung-hwon’s place would fade even more, and the day would come when he would naturally take that place. So now was the time to focus more on research.

“Forcing yourself to remember might make things worse.”

Yun-jae grabbed Ju-eon’s shoulder. Normally, Ju-eon would naturally remove Yun-jae’s arm. Ju-eon seemed to think Yun-jae wouldn’t know, but Yun-jae knew. The fact that Ju-eon didn’t welcome physical contact with others.

“But I feel like I keep forgetting things I shouldn’t forget.”

But not now. He was the only person Ju-eon could rely on. The guilt that this wasn’t right and the feeling of being inside the lines Ju-eon had drawn tangled complexly, disturbing Yun-jae’s mood.

“If it’s really a memory you shouldn’t forget, won’t it come back?”

But in the end, what won was the pleasure of crossing the line Ju-eon had drawn. His fingertips trembled at the sensation of Ju-eon’s shoulder submissively curling under his palm.

He didn’t care if someone called him a coward. If being a coward meant he could burrow his way to Ju-eon’s side.

Woo Ju-eon, whom he wanted for the first time, and for the first time was the only one he couldn’t have. Somehow, even if just for a moment.

‘Whatever the price.’

He wished Ju-eon would be his person. Once the emotion took root in his heart, it spread at an unstoppable rate.

**

The saying that time heals all wounds is all lies. No matter how much heartless time passed, it couldn’t fade the deep marks Ju-eon left.

Like a clock with dead batteries, Myung-hwon endured the nights at home as though he were dead. The nights were deep and long. It felt like walking endlessly in an abyss, not knowing which way was forward or back.

A day without you was too overwhelming, making me want to throw my life in the trash several times a day.

“Ha…”

Like a blind man, he traced Ju-eon’s now-absent traces, denying reality by saying it’s because my eyes are blind. He rationalized that since he couldn’t see, surely Ju-eon was there but he just couldn’t find him. Without thinking this way, he felt he couldn’t bear the thought of Ju-eon’s traces disappearing.

The tearless, dry crying was devastating. Even without Ju-eon, spring came, summer passed, and autumn arrived. And once again, the season when he lost Ju-eon came. The black and white world looked so peaceful that sometimes he felt the urge to destroy it.

Your life was so fleeting, yet why is my life so tenacious?

Ziiiing-

He closed his eyes at the text message about an urgent schedule tomorrow. He wanted to throw off the days that rolled by the same way every day, and wanted to draw so that Ju-eon’s memories wouldn’t fade.

But he knew. The moment he sat down, he would sink deeper with no way out.

“Woo Ju-eon.”

Perhaps you knew I would let everything go. So there was a higher chance you had installed at least minimal safeguards.

For me to live. For me to somehow live in a world without you. Maybe that’s why you lied about coming back to me.

Whenever such thoughts came, his mind grew distant. You were both what killed me and what kept me alive.

Yeo Myung-hwon decided to live for that thread of hope. Living a life where breathing was painful, he planned to somehow endure until you came.

I’ll endure this dog’s life every day. So when you return.

“Then…”

Then I’ll live only for you… so please come back. Don’t leave me alone in this distant time.

“Ju-eon.”

**

“Yeo Myung-hwon…”

Ju-eon softly murmured Myung-hwon’s name. It was like a habit now. The roughly 30-square-meter rooftop that only underground people could access was the place Ju-eon visited most often.

“Are you really not coming in?”

“No.”

Other people sniffled about how the weather had gotten quite cold. Ju-eon wrapped his scarf around his neck and looked at the sky. When the people saying they would go in first disappeared, the surroundings grew quiet.

“I shouldn’t forget…”

Blinking his eyes, Ju-eon kept murmuring Myung-hwon’s name. Though even why he shouldn’t forget was becoming hazy in his memory, Ju-eon persistently repeated the name.

Many things faded and were forgotten inside Ju-eon. Sometimes Ju-eon forgot even his own name. Sometimes he forgot meal times. Many things were forgotten as he learned a new life.

“Myung-hwon…”

Why did he try so persistently to remember this name? Though he couldn’t remember who it was, this person must have given him only happy memories. Just pronouncing the name made his tongue tingle with sweetness.

Plop.

“Snow?”

Startled by the cold sensation on the back of his hand, Ju-eon looked up at the sky. It was snowing. The clouds had covered the entire sky without him noticing. As he blankly stared at the back of his hand, the snowflake soon melted from his body heat.

“Yeo…”

What was it? It seemed like he had forgotten something he shouldn’t forget. While being conscious of the snow that fell on the back of his hand, something faded from Ju-eon’s mind.

**

4 years later.

—The news from last week about our country’s institution researcher Kang Yun-jae being nominated for the Norel Chemistry Award continues to be a hot topic. According to reports, he is very likely to win the Norel Award after announcing a treatment method for weathering syndrome late last year. According to the institution’s position, the commercialization of the weathering syndrome treatment…—

Click. As soon as he pressed the remote control button, the screen changed and another screen appeared.

—S-class esper Mr. Yeo Myung-hwon has commented on the institution’s restricted information disclosure…—

The reporter interviewing Yeo Myung-hwon with a flushed face and Myung-hwon answering with a stern expression beside her came into view.

The institution, judging that they couldn’t restrict information from citizens indefinitely, put forward Myung-hwon to media outlets and handled espers with a different policy than before.

“Why is that bastard suddenly appearing on TV so much?”

Kang Yun-jae tapped his finger on the desk and looked at Myung-hwon on screen with a displeased face. While Ji-woong was satisfied with how Myung-hwon, who had lost his purpose, obediently followed orders, Kang Yun-jae couldn’t shake off an unsettling feeling.

Knock knock.

“Doctor. Mr. Woo Ju-eon has arrived, should I send him in?”

Yun-jae’s hardened expression softened at the secretary’s words who opened the door.

“Yes. Please do that.”

Click. Yun-jae turned off the TV screen. It was a face he didn’t need to show. He preferred not to see it again if possible. Because Yun-jae had found his own peace.

Knock knock. Unlike before, a small, careful knock was heard.

“Come in.”

Yun-jae got up from his chair at the desk. Just as Yun-jae sat at the tea table, shortly after, Ju-eon poked his head through the door.

“I came a bit early, is that okay?”

“I was waiting early because I thought you might.”

Yun-jae welcomed Ju-eon with a gentle smile. Today was Ju-eon’s counseling day. Ju-eon came in and sat across from Yun-jae familiarly.

“You didn’t have to wait for me.”

Ju-eon rubbed the back of his neck with an apologetic expression.

“It’s fine. Waiting.”

“I feel like I always make you wait…”

“What’s waiting compared to that?”

“Still…”

“Just worry about getting completely better.”

After the weathering syndrome treatment, Ju-eon moved to Earth 2, on the outskirts of Gyeonggi-do. Yun-jae also moved to a nearby institution-affiliated hospital to monitor Ju-eon’s condition.

Ju-eon felt indebted to Yun-jae. It was for Ju-eon’s sake that the promising Yun-jae moved from the institution headquarters all the way to the outskirts of Earth 2.

Though Ju-eon told Yun-jae he could leave after staying here for a year already, Yun-jae firmly insisted on staying by his side until Ju-eon was completely cured. Although the weathering syndrome was cured, there were still various aftereffects and things that needed to be monitored.

“Still…”

“You know we need to keep watching even if the treatment is effective because it could recur, right?”

For Ju-eon, who had to rely on artificial organs, if the weathering syndrome recurred, his body might not be able to handle it. So Ju-eon ended up living as a regular part-timer instead of a guide. This was because there was still a possibility of recurrence, and because he couldn’t remember being a guide. Most of his memories related to after joining the institution were lost.

‘Fortunately indeed.’

Yun-jae was sincerely relieved. All situations were flowing favorably for him.

Yun-jae’s influence even reached the manager of the part-time job where Ju-eon worked. Though Ju-eon still didn’t know that fact.

“Yeah. I know.”

Ju-eon nodded obediently. Yun-jae showed Ju-eon this month’s pre-prepared test results and explained.