The moment he unconsciously looked into the alley, Ju-eon’s body was suddenly pulled inside.

Whoosh!

“What is this suddenly…! Hey!”

He tried to shake off the arm that had grabbed him, but Ju-eon soon had to stop.

“I must be really drunk.”

His heart felt like it stopped for a moment at the man’s voice. The intense fragrance penetrated his lungs, making Ju-eon shiver.

“…”

Ju-eon could only stare silently at the man blocking his path. Though they weren’t close, the strong smell of alcohol wafted heavily.

“Or maybe I’ve really gone crazy now.”

He could just shake off a drunk person like this and leave. Suddenly curiosity raised its head. He was curious about the face that was only faintly visible in outline. What expression was this man making?

‘I wonder what expression he’s making…’

He was curious why the man had grabbed him with such a voice full of despair.

The grip on Ju-eon’s wrist was so sorrowful and desperate that even though he could easily shake it off, Ju-eon couldn’t. As he blinked quickly, his eyes adjusted to the darkness and took in the man’s face. For a moment, he forgot even to breathe.

The grown man was crying. Ju-eon’s eyes widened at the tears flowing like silence. Perhaps because he hadn’t blinked for so long, his eyes felt hot. The man took a step back. This time, Ju-eon took a step forward.

“Hey… why are you crying…”

He thought he wasn’t foolish enough to care about the actions of someone drunk, but he felt his heart sink. The man cried silently. His voice, heavy with tears, clung to Ju-eon’s heart. Ju-eon suddenly caught a sense of foreboding.

“I waited so nicely.”

A boiling emotion could be felt in his deeply sunken voice. A premonition that his voice clinging to Ju-eon’s heart wouldn’t detach for a long time.

“Hey. What does that even mean…”

Despite Ju-eon’s call, the man continued to say only what he wanted to say. The man whispered incomprehensible words incessantly.

“Don’t leave today.”

I’ve been standing just far enough not to touch you every day.

At the plaintive voice, Ju-eon forgot even to hold his breath for a moment. With each blink, the man’s facial features became clearer to his eyes. Even while knowing that logically, the probability of this man being drunk and mistaking him for someone else was higher than the probability of knowing him.

“I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.”

“…Eon-ah.”

For a moment, he thought his name had been called.

“I’m sorry but… I’m not the person you’re looking for.”

“…”

“So…”

I need to get away. A red light went on. The man’s words stabbed heavily at his chest. He couldn’t even excuse it as being drunk. After all, the effects of alcohol had instantly evaporated by now.

“I miss you.”

The emotion contained in that passionately burning voice stuck stickily to Ju-eon’s feet. His steps froze in place.

“I don’t know who you’re looking for.”

He suddenly became curious about who this man was looking for so desperately.

“…”

“I’m telling you I’m not the person you’re looking for.”

Ju-eon muttered while lowering his head, strangely unable to meet the man’s eyes. The man grabbed Ju-eon’s chin and lifted it. Their gazes were forcefully aligned, their eyes meeting in mid-air.

“I know I’m seeing things now because I’ve gone crazy. But isn’t it too cruel for even an illusion to leave me behind?”

“…”

“Even for a dream, you’re too much. You.”

Though it must be nonsense, his heart that he worried might be broken seemed to beat from his fingertips.

“Where do you live?”

It was strange. His heart was tingling, and he felt like the blood vessels inside his body were expanding, making blood rush quickly throughout his body.

He had thought his emotions might have become completely dried up. He thought if he felt awkward with Yun-jae, it would be even worse with other men. Not just in thought, but that’s how it had been until now. His heart didn’t beat for Yun-jae, but it beat even less for others.

Maybe no matter how hard Yun-jae tried, even if his memories returned, he was broken and things would never be okay. He had such thoughts.

Thump thump. Ju-eon bit his lower lip, feeling his pounding heartbeat and the sensation overflowing from where they touched.

He might be crazy because he had waited so desperately for emotions like these. If he was feeling these emotions as he wished, the target was wrong. Emotions beyond his control whispered in Ju-eon’s ear that they wanted to run wild.

With this man before him who smelled of alcohol and was heavily drunk.

Ju-eon swallowed hard. The other person was drunk enough to mistake him for someone else. This was the first time he’d felt such an impulse. Every time the man’s arms wrapped around his waist, his feelings rippled endlessly.

“…Stay with me.”

Though it would feel devastatingly empty when he woke up tomorrow.

The low resonating voice lodged in his heart. What sound would it make if heat was added to that voice swaying with emptiness?

Ju-eon lightly touched the man’s cheek that had grown cold from being alone for so long. The man naturally rubbed his cheek against the hand touching it. Hm? At the pleading voice, Ju-eon answered before he could think.

“I…”

He needed to go to Yun-jae. If he walked just five more minutes, he would reach where Yun-jae was… Ju-eon glanced out of the alley.

He wasn’t forcing, but pleading, and Ju-eon could escape the alley with just two steps. Besides, he was drunk. Getting away from him would be very simple.

Though knowing this fact, for some reason his feet wouldn’t easily move.

“Please.”

The man’s eyes curved gently. The way he approached pretending to be harmless while exuding a dangerous atmosphere like a predator remained fixed in Ju-eon’s gaze.

“…If I stay here…”

“Yes.”

“What are you going to do?”

That must be why. Why he blurted out such an uncharacteristically impulsive question.

Gu-young, who had been watching from behind as Ju-eon busily moved around saying he would do everything he could before going to meet Yun-jae, had said:

‘Hyung, what would you do if you went to see your lover and found out they had someone else? Now you’re going to face it.’

Gu-young, being a drama fanatic, had jokingly told Ju-eon scenes from dramas where capable men like that often had affairs under the pretext of business trips.

He didn’t really think that would be the case. Gu-young was just playing the villain to draw out Ju-eon’s assertion that Yun-jae wasn’t that kind of person.

‘No way…’

But he couldn’t jump up and deny it. It wasn’t because he didn’t have faith that Yun-jae wouldn’t do that.

‘Why is your reaction so lukewarm? You should be angry. Say there’s no way.’

Gu-young had grumbled that he shouldn’t be surprised in such situations. He knew Gu-young meant it to help him relax. However, Gu-young’s words had unintentionally pierced sharply at Ju-eon’s most unstable emotions that he had been suppressing.

‘…I just can’t imagine it.’

He did trust Yun-jae. But he was tired of being emotionally inferior because his memories wouldn’t return, tired of dealing with feelings he couldn’t understand. Honestly, it might feel better if that were the case.

It’s not my fault I lost my memories. He felt wronged, but then suddenly felt like cold water had been dumped on him, bringing him to his senses. At his own base thoughts, a bitter taste rose from the back of his throat and Ju-eon squeezed his eyes shut.

‘Was I such trash in the past too?’

He couldn’t help but think this.

**

He suddenly thought that his vague idea that he might be the trash one could be true.

“What are you thinking about so hard? In front of me.”

The man gently gripped Ju-eon’s chin and lifted it. At the end of thoughts that crumbled like glass made of sugar, the man was staring at him with a breathtaking gaze.

He couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s atmosphere that was hot and sweet like boiled sugar, yet seemed like it could darken in an instant. That sweet and slightly bitter gaze drew out Ju-eon’s answer.

“…Thinking about what you might answer…”

The man laughed at Ju-eon’s words. He thought the man might charge forward recklessly like fire. If any rationality remained, they might go to a private space while holding hands sweaty with tension. But contrary to expectations, the man very rationally whispered to Ju-eon.

“What should we do?”

“I asked you first though?”

“What do you want to do?”

The man took Ju-eon’s wrist and guided it toward his face. His heated fingers brushed against the man’s skin.

“…Whatever you want to do…?”

He passed the decision to the man. Just deciding to deviate was overwhelming enough. He wanted to give all choices to the man and surrender himself to the swaying waves.

“Haha…”

“What’s so funny?”

Ju-eon furrowed his brow. The man suddenly guided Ju-eon’s wrist that was touching his cheek. As Ju-eon staggered losing his balance, the man’s arm firmly wrapped around his waist. Their bodies were suddenly pressed together. Could heat be contagious? In the middle of such thoughts, the man whispered.

“You should be careful saying things like that.”

“…”

“Knowing what thoughts I might have.”

“What thoughts do you have?”

Though the man’s flashing eyes that seemed to want to crush even the air Ju-eon breathed should be frightening. It was strange. His throat was parched. He tried to moisten it with his tongue and lips but it was the wrong move. He instinctively realized there was only one way to quench this thirst.

He stared at the man’s neck. The tempered impulse urged Ju-eon to deviate. The man’s hot forehead touched his shoulder.