He thought things would never be like before. Because Ju-eon’s world revolved around Yun-jae. But he had let his guard down. He had secretly believed Ju-eon would never push him away. Even while knowing how futile such absolutes were.

“Before, you would have said no.”

“……”

Yun-jae clenched his fists so tightly the veins stood out on the backs of his hands. Even with lost memories and controlling everything around him, Ju-eon always knew how to escape his embrace.

Yun-jae had followed an elite path, born with everything. A life so easy everything was trivial. He had everything he wanted. Honor, power, money. Everything naturally followed Yun-jae. Only Ju-eon slipped through his fingers like air.

Ju-eon sighed. He just wanted to go to bed and forget everything around him and rest.

“I’m not sure right now.”

“Ju-eon.”

“And even if it’s harmful, that’s my choice to make.”

Yun-jae reached out and carefully grabbed Ju-eon’s hand. Ju-eon still felt nothing. If he felt any emotion, it was only pity and betrayal from seeing Yun-jae’s expression like his world had collapsed at Ju-eon’s words.

“I was just… surprised. I’m happy too.”

“I thought my past self must have lived pathetically to only be doing part-time jobs at this age. So I felt even more sorry to you.”

Ju-eon shook off Yun-jae’s hand. The veil covering his eyelids had been lifted. Now they could never go back to how things were before. What had he been seeing in Yun-jae all this time?

“Were you planning to hide it forever?”

“No. I was planning to explain everything.”

Yun-jae said urgently. If he had given even a slight hint, would we be having a different conversation now? If his constant checking whether I’d recovered memories wasn’t out of concern that I’d be shocked by the gap with the present if I remembered, but because he was anxious about me recalling facts he hadn’t told me?

“When? Until when were you planning to hide it?”

He was confused. The crack that had formed between them was carved deeper than expected. It felt so natural that the line had been drawn that it seemed strange he’d only noticed it now.

“You really didn’t meet anyone, right?”

Ju-eon’s eyes widened at the question thrown instead of an answer. Yun-jae was always calm. He never got very excited about anything. Always rational, even when Ju-eon wouldn’t accept things, he’d say ‘just need to wait.’ He always had composure, while Ju-eon was the impatient one.

Beyond rational emotions, Yun-jae was uniquely someone who supported both his past and present.

“What if I did meet someone?”

At Ju-eon’s prickly attitude, Yun-jae sat at Ju-eon’s feet and hugged his knees. Resting his face on Ju-eon’s thigh, Yun-jae confessed like in a confessional.

“It was all for your sake.”

“For my sake?”

“In your current state you can’t go to dungeons, and I was afraid if I told you, you’d insist on going. I was so scared… You were living well without knowing.”

His eyes burned. Why do you look more hurt when you’re the one who did wrong? Why now of all times?

“That’s for me to decide. You were my research supervisor, doctor, and lover, but if you lie…”

Being without a past was scarier than imagined. What kind of person was I in the past, what did I do to become who I am now, what was I thinking when I participated in the experiment? Not knowing anything, it felt like suddenly being stranded alone on a strange planet.

With nothing beneath his feet, every step felt uncertain. He tried not to cry, but his eyes inevitably burned hot.

“Ju-eon please. Don’t cry.”

“Do you think I can calm down? You’re the only person I can trust. I have no choice but to believe everything you say. And yet…”

“I’m sorry. But please don’t misunderstand. Everything was for you. Nothing was decided without thinking of you.”

Yun-jae’s words made his chest hurt. Feeling like continuing the conversation would only be swayed by emotions, Ju-eon stood up. Yun-jae got up after him and grabbed his wrist.

Ju-eon responded coldly.

“Maybe you lied not for my sake but because you thought it would be more convenient to handle me.”

“Woo Ju-eon!”

Yun-jae’s voice rose. Though Ju-eon flinched, he didn’t withdraw his words.

“What? Am I wrong?”

“……”

“No. Don’t answer. I don’t think I can take anything you say at face value right now anyway.”

“Okay. Rest today. I pushed too hard.”

Perhaps we both noticed the end of this relationship at the same time. His lower lip tasted metallic from biting it too hard. I’m not completely innocent either.

‘How disgusting.’

Everything is a mess. What’s more annoying is that even now, that man from that one night keeps coming to mind. With Yun-jae’s persistent questioning about who he met, the thought that that man might know him wouldn’t leave his mind.

‘Did it hurt when you got this?’

‘Mmh….’

He didn’t want to recall how hot that man’s breath had been as he spoke while looking at the inside of his white thigh.

“Yun-jae.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me ask you just one thing.”

He didn’t know when he’d get another chance to ask if not now. Ju-eon frowned at the foreign sensation still felt below.

“Okay.”

A question he had been aware of but couldn’t bring himself to ask.

“Answer honestly.”

“Okay.”

Having come this far, there was also an underlying thought that Yun-jae wouldn’t lie to him now.

“…The tattoo inside my thigh. What does it mean?”

Remember OSIS

What could this mean? What had he been determined about when he got this tattoo inside his thigh before participating in the experiment? Remember. The tattoo that frustrated him every time he saw it, seemingly tattooed out of fear of losing his memories, yet its meaning remained incomprehensible.

“I thought you would have guessed.”

Yun-jae answered without any hesitation. As if he had been waiting to answer. Yun-jae leaned his shoulder against the wall and met his gaze.

“I would?”

“Those aren’t letters, they’re numbers.”

“Numbers?”

“It’s my birthday. May 15th.”

“…Ah.”

The energy drained from him. The thing he wanted to remember so badly that he tattooed it on his body was Yun-jae’s birthday? But it was also a date that fit plausibly.

He thought there would be another meaning. Though unconvinced, he couldn’t argue against it either. But he didn’t want to think Yun-jae would lie even about this.

“Then let me ask one thing too.”

“Okay.”

“Who did you meet when you went to see me?”

Ju-eon was certain.

“…No. I just dozed off on the train and went to the last stop.”

That all the threads of the past were in Earth 1.

“Really?”

“I’m going to my room then.”

“Okay, rest.”

Through the closing door gap, he saw Yun-jae secretly letting out a sigh of relief. And Yun-jae definitely did not welcome Ju-eon recovering his memories.

Click. At the sudden opening of the door, Ju-eon hurriedly pulled the blanket over himself.

‘Sleeping?’

‘…No.’

Though he’d seen everything since Ju-eon covered himself with the blanket a beat too late, his questioning intent was suspicious. The bed sheet wrinkled terribly as it twisted in Ju-eon’s hands. Ju-eon’s gaze lingered briefly on the sheet but not for long. Pressing down firmly on his waist from behind to prevent Ju-eon from escaping, the voice that kissed the back of his neck whispered affectionately.

‘What were you doing?’

‘…When did you come back?’

‘Why?’

The desire hidden beneath the affection was revealed. Myung-hwon burst out laughing as if he couldn’t hold back anymore.

‘Why are you laughing?’

‘Why are you playing alone like that when I’m here.’

But even recognizing it was a dream, he couldn’t move freely. Because this moment was just repeating a past memory.

‘You could have tactfully left if you knew.’

‘I’m just sad you’re having fun alone. I don’t think I’ve ever failed to satisfy you.’

At the embarrassing words, he could feel the breath kissing his back growing hotter.

‘…Can’t we talk about this later?’

‘What were you going to do after I left?’

He asked in a playful voice. His body trembled each time the man’s touch landed.

‘Don’t tease me.’

‘I’m not teasing. I’m doing this because I like it?’

‘Nngh.’

‘If you think I’m teasing, I’ll have to do it properly.’

Ju-eon braced himself against the bed, enduring his weight. The pleasure felt like it was piercing through his spine. His head was so hot it made him dizzy.

‘Ju-eon.’

‘I love you. ——.’

Emotions welled up. Ju-eon rolled the man’s name over and over in his mouth. Though his mind was hazy with emotion, Ju-eon called his name in his mouth again and again.

I must not forget. This name must be carried into reality.

His eyes snapped open. Now used to the time routine, he woke before the alarm. Ju-eon first disabled the alarm set on his phone.

“Hah… hah……”

After catching his breath, Ju-eon half raised his body. When he lifted the blanket, his whole body was drenched in sweat.

“…Am I crazy? What is this?”

He seemed to have unconsciously tensed up during that tense and sweet moment he saw in his dream. Since spending that night with the man in Earth 1, Ju-eon had started having these kinds of dreams occasionally. Just thinking about that time made his whole body feel like it was burning up again.

“I’m crazy….”

At this age, getting so heated up over just a dream. Ju-eon hurried to the bathroom to wash up while cooling his flushed face with his hands.