Chapter 1.13

“Leti, since when do you have friends?”  

When she mentioned that she’d be going away for a few days, her mother shot her a sharp glare. She had expected her to oppose the idea, but her reaction was stronger than she’d anticipated, leaving her slightly flustered.  

“Uh… I just happened to meet someone…”  

“No. Where do you think you’re going, leaving me behind? What if something happens to you? Absolutely not.”  

Her mother firmly refused. Leticia blinked slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. Something that might convince her… But nothing came to mind. In the end, she spoke honestly.  

“Mother, I… I want to try swimming.”  

The corners of her mother’s lips twitched crookedly. She fiddled with her nails and continued in a timid voice.  

“I want to go somewhere and have fun, like other people… Just like anyone else…”  

“Who’s been putting such ideas into your head?”  

“What?”  

“You’ve been coming home late lately. Is it that friend of yours? Telling you to live a normal life?”  

Her mother’s voice was sharp and forceful. Instinctively, she sensed danger. She tried to back away from her, but her mother stepped closer with every step she took. Before she knew it, her back hit the door.  

She wanted to run away…  

“Is this my fault?”  

Her mother, who had cornered her against the door, asked venomously.  

“You want to live a normal life? Like everyone else?”  

Her eyes gleamed strangely. When Leticia didn’t respond, she shouted, “Answer me!” and grabbed her shoulders with both hands. Her mother’s thin arms were surprisingly strong, and pain spread through her.  

“Ah, it hurts, Mother…”  

“You are my daughter!”  

Her mother roared like a lion. Her voice was so loud that her ears rang. Leticia froze and stared at her.  

“No matter what anyone says, you are mine. My daughter!”  

She couldn’t say anything. Like a fish impaled on a spear, Leticia stood rigidly and stared at her. Her mother’s blue eyes, the same as hers, shone eerily.  

“You must stay with me, Leti. Understand?”  

“A… Ah…”  

A choked sound escaped her lips. Her mouth opened and closed, but her throat was dry.  

“My daughter. Isn’t that right?”  

“…Yes, yes.”  

Tears must have welled up at some point because they streamed down her face as soon as she answered. Her frozen cheeks thawed in the warmth of the tears. She tried to move her fingers to loosen her stiff body. Her mother, seeing the tears on her cheeks, quietly raised her hand and wiped them away with her fingers.  

“Don’t cry, Leti.”  

“…”  

“I’ll always be by your side.”  

“Yes… Mother…”  

Her mother now cupped her cheeks and smiled. It had been a long time since she’d seen her smile. Leticia tried to return her smile, forcing the corners of her lips up, but they wouldn’t move as she wanted. All the practice with Karl Lavresion had gone to waste.  

She couldn’t see her reflection, but she was sure her face looked strange.  

***

On the promised day, Karl Lavresion arrived in front of the house with a carriage. It wasn’t just one carriage—there was also a wagon loaded with luggage. He jumped down from the carriage, his face brimming with excitement and joy. Smiling, he approached her.  

“All ready?”  

He asked, looking at her empty hands. He tilted his head.  

“Aren’t you bringing any luggage? I’m not sure if there’ll be women’s clothes at the villa.”  

“I… I can’t go…” 

“What?”  

Still tilting his head, Karl Lavresion asked again. It seemed he hadn’t even considered the possibility that she wouldn’t go, as if he couldn’t comprehend her words. Clenching her fists tightly, she spoke in a small voice.  

“I’m sorry… I can’t go.”  

Out of guilt, she couldn’t meet his eyes. She lowered her head and stared at the ground. There was no response from Karl Lavresion, who had been chattering just moments ago. He must be angry. She would be too if she were him. Cancelling at the last minute like this. She had considered sending him a letter to explain that she couldn’t go, but she didn’t know where he was staying, so she couldn’t. Even so, it felt like a weak excuse, so she couldn’t bring herself to say it.  

“Is it because of your mother?”  

He finally broke the silence. She continued to stare at the floor and nodded her head.  

“Is she inside right now?”  

“…She’s sleeping.”  

Her mother spent most of her days asleep, trying to suppress the side effects of her addiction with other medications. Although her condition was said to be improving gradually, she still slept at least twelve hours a day.  

If her mother had been awake… She would undoubtedly have been watching her and Karl Lavresion through the window.  

“Then you can just sneak out.”  

He took her hand. When she looked up, she saw his smiling face. She had thought he would be angry…  

“You’ve never done anything rebellious, have you, Leti?”  

Rebellious… She had never even thought about it.  

Defying her mother’s words or doing something that might upset her mother… None of it.  

“Let’s go, Leti. Let’s defy your mother just this once.”  

“I-I can’t…”  

“Why not?”  

“What do you mean, why? She’s my mother…”  

“And so?”  

Her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t as if someone was choking her, but it felt as though her voice was being strangled, and no sound came out of her vocal cords.  

“Leti, just once, don’t listen to your mother.”  

“…”  

“You’ve never really disobeyed her before, have you?”  

“…No…”  

Except for the one time she lied about wanting to attend the academy, she had always been an obedient daughter. She didn’t want to make things harder for her mother, who was already struggling because of the Emperor. So, she agreed to everything her mother said. If her mother disliked something, she disliked it too. If her mother liked something, she liked it too.  

Her mother would sometimes hug her or stroke her hair, and just knowing that her mother needed her made her happy.  

They were all each other had.  

So, she couldn’t betray her. She mustn’t betray her.  

“Leti, this isn’t about deceiving or betraying your mother or anything like that.”  

It was as if Karl Lavresion could read her mind.  

“It’s just a trip. Nothing more, nothing less. What’s the big deal?”  

He tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her into his arms. She fell into his embrace helplessly. She could hear the strong thumping of his heart.  

“Swimming is a lot of fun.”  

His other hand stroked the back of her head. Then he pulled her away slightly so they could look at each other. His golden eyes sparkled brightly.  

“Leti, I promise you’ll enjoy it.”  

His voice was enticing, yet his gaze was so innocent that it was hard to believe he was trying to tempt her. Even though she knew it was foolish, even though she knew this was tantamount to betraying her mother, she nodded her head.  

The corners of Karl Lavresion’s eyes crinkled with joy. She climbed into the carriage with him of her own accord.  

Her heart raced. Whether it was out of fear or anticipation, she couldn’t tell.  

***

During the carriage ride, her heart continued to pound violently, refusing to calm down. She bit her lower lip and clutched the hem of her skirt tightly.  

The carriage had been traveling for hours and had now left Rebram behind. Through the small window, she could see that the outside world was shrouded in deep darkness.  

“What time is it…?”  

“Just past midnight.”  

Karl Lavresion, who had been dozing off while leaning against the sofa, checked his wristwatch and replied.  

By now, her mother would have woken up. 

What would she think of me not returning home even after midnight? 

She would undoubtedly be furious. The mere thought of her mother’s reaction upon her return filled her with dread.  

But… Did mother even have the right to be angry? 

She worked because of her mother, and she even maintained her relationship with Karl Lavresion for her mother’s sake.  

What had I done wrong…?  

What she had always taken for granted was, in fact, not so. After all, the debt was her mother’s. She could simply run away.  

Even though she knew this, she had willingly sacrificed herself for her mother’s sake. Because she couldn’t abandon her mother. Just as her mother couldn’t abandon her.  

But, but…  

Was this really fair?  

For the first time, she began to question it. Her mother seemed to think it was only natural for her to sacrifice and suffer for her. Not once had her mother thanked her. Not once had she apologized. Not even when they lost their home to loan sharks, or when she had to carry her mother to the Baron’s house, or when she announced she had started working to repay the debt. Her mother never apologized.  

Was this really right?  

‘Leti.’  

Her mother’s voice calling her name. Her mother’s gaze fixed on her. The occasional hugs and strokes… That alone had been enough for her to keep loving her mother.  

She still loved her mother. But…  

“Leti, why aren’t you sleeping? What are you thinking about so deeply?”  

Karl Lavresion, who had been resting his eyes, asked in a drowsy voice. She shook her head in response.  

“Are you uncomfortable? It takes a while to get there. I thought about stopping at a nearby village for the night, but we should arrive by dawn, so I decided to keep going.”  

He stood up and sat next to her. Then he leaned one shoulder against hers.  

“Lean on me and sleep.”  

“No… I just can’t sleep.”  

“Come on.”  

He gently pushed her head onto his shoulder. With a sigh, she relaxed her head against him. As she complied without resistance, he began to stroke her head slowly. Then he rested his own head against hers.  

“By the time you wake up, we’ll be there.”  

“…Okay.”  

She could feel his warmth against her. Eventually, she closed her eyes. As if her earlier sleeplessness ha