Chapter 138. Resentment and Longing

The capital of the Asir Duchy, Rublea.

Ellen, who had safely arrived here not long ago, found a small but clean hotel room. One of the great advantages of Rublea was that it had well-developed urban facilities, allowing her to wash with warm water every day.

I made the right choice coming to a big city rather than the countryside.

As they say, it’s darkest under the lamppost. The more crowded and complex a city is, the easier it is to hide.

Ellen praised her excellent decision as she immersed herself in the hot water that filled the bathtub. Unlike when she was a Grand Duchess, there was no one to attend to her, but this was rather more comfortable. In fact, even at Evitern Castle, she often bathed alone, secretly away from her maids.

She had been so bourgeois.

Perhaps that position never suited her in the first place. Ellen smiled faintly as she picked up soap and a sponge to create creamy bubbles. The luxurious soap she had brought from Evitern Castle emitted a rich rose fragrance. Surely Enoch wouldn’t be angry about her secretly taking one bar of soap… In fact, she was covering her escape expenses with the gifts she had received when she married him.

‘It probably doesn’t matter much. After all, it’s not even a month’s budget for the Bayern Grand Duchy.’

He might find it a bit vexing, but… it couldn’t be helped. She had no money.

‘Let’s just think of it as the price for my life.’

Having used up her lifespan to foresee the future and even prevent a war, isn’t it reasonable to expect enough money to live comfortably for the rest of her life? Ellen continued her bath with such thoughts.

After finishing her bath, Ellen came down to the lobby for an early dinner. As she was wandering, trying to find her way to the restaurant, an employee approached and kindly guided her.

Ellen thanked him and gave him a tip before entering the restaurant. A waiter quickly approached and showed her to a seat. Ellen was very satisfied with the riverside view from the window seat as she opened the menu.

The menu she chose was ravioli with tomato sauce and mushrooms. And a plate of salad with lemonade.

She considered ordering wine but decided against it. Although she had a high tolerance for alcohol, it would be better to refrain from drinking. In her current state with weakened organs, drinking alcohol might not end with just simple indigestion.

‘Even dying without pain is difficult.’

She hoped that the moment when her breath stops and her heart ceases wouldn’t be too painful.
With these thoughts, Ellen closed her eyes briefly and meditated. Hoping that the approaching death would not break her spirit.

The ravioli was excellent. She hadn’t expected much from a small hotel, but it felt like finding an unexpected pleasure. What should she order for room service tomorrow morning? As Ellen was pondering positively, uncharacteristic for someone facing death, she stood up and was about to take out a tip from her wallet when she heard:

“Did you hear that rumor? About Grand Duke Bayern of Freuden. They say he’s been looking for someone in Asir recently. Rumor has it that the Grand Duchess ran away.”

“Ran away? They must have had quite a fight.”

“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know if it’s true, but… the Grand Duchess of Bayern is really something to run away all the way to Asir. If it were me, I’d endure and stay even if my husband made me a bit angry. After all, it’s not just any man, but ‘the’ Grand Duke of Bayern.”

“Ah… You liked that man’s face, didn’t you? Well, he is handsome. But they say he lives up to his looks. I heard his personality is no joke.”

“With that face, he can afford to have a bit of a bad personality. It’s much better to be handsome with a bad personality than ugly with a bad personality, right?”

“That’s true.”

“Anyway, I heard the Grand Duchess of Bayern has light brown hair and blue eyes. These days, whenever I see someone similar, I can’t help but wonder…”

“Light brown hair and blue eyes are common, aren’t they?”

“That’s what I’m saying. I think I saw someone like that earlier…”

Ellen hastily took out a tip, put it down, and grabbed her hat, pulling it down over her head. Bringing a hat with a small veil to cover her face was truly a stroke of genius.

She left the place as if fleeing and came out to the lobby. Although not many people in Asir would know her face, it would be better to be careful as photos or illustrations might have spread.

Moreover, that conversation she just heard…

‘Enoch is looking for me?’

…That can’t be. Why would he?

Her heart pounded unsteadily. It’s impossible. Could it just be a baseless rumor? But… if the rumor is true… what could be his reason for looking for her…? Because there’s still a month left in the contract? To force her to fulfill that debt?

Or, perhaps because he finds me so detestable and hateful for daring to play with his emotions…

To punish me.

As soon as that thought crossed her mind, her breath caught in her throat. Ellen staggered to a corner and leaned against a pillar. Despite the satisfying meal she had just had, her stomach churned and she felt like she might vomit.

What if he really is looking for me?

What if he finds me? What should I do then?

If I have to face him, with that extremely arrogant and cold attitude, adding his hatred towards me…

Then, I…

Her vision started to darken. Just as Ellen was about to slide down to the floor, unable to bear it any longer.

“Miss!”

Someone hurriedly caught and steadied her. Amidst the buzzing in her head and the flickering of her vision, a vivid image that couldn’t possibly be an illusion entered Ellen’s sight.

She opened her eyes wide in surprise.

Unexpectedly, it was a familiar face.

“…Felix?”

The other person also seemed taken aback, pausing before staring intently at Ellen.

He murmured in bewilderment.

“Ellen…?”

“…Felix.”

“Ellen, is it really you? Good heavens. Why are you in Rublea… Could that rumor be true?”

Ellen felt dizzy from the barrage of questions. As she swayed, still held by his hands on her shoulders, Felix instinctively pulled Ellen closer into his arms. Then, with a voice tinged with perplexity, he suggested.

“Let’s move somewhere else first. There are too many eyes here.”

Ellen answered with a weak nod. Felix carefully supported her, who looked as pale as a ghost, and led her to the guest reception room on the first floor.

Fortunately, perhaps because it was time for the main dinner, the reception room was empty. Felix locked the door of the reception room to prevent other guests from suddenly barging in. Then he guided Ellen to the sofa.

After sitting on the plush sofa, Ellen seemed to have calmed down a little. Felix chose the cleanest cup from several on the table, poured water into it, and handed it to Ellen.

Ellen grasped the cup with trembling hands and slowly took a sip, moistening her throat. After that, she seemed to have regained some color compared to earlier. Although she was still as pale as the moon.

Felix, who had been quietly observing her, gently posed a question.

“…What brings you to Asir? Is it true, as the rumors say… that you left His Highness the Grand Duke’s side?”

“……”

Ellen remained silent, lowering her gaze to the water glass in her hand. She didn’t want to gossip about the matters between Enoch and herself. Especially since the person asking was none other than Felix… It was a complicated feeling in many ways.

“…You don’t have to say if you don’t want to. But there’s just one thing I want you to know. No matter what happens, I’m on your side.”

“……”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, I want to help.”

The voice saying this was quite resolute and kind. Ellen slowly raised her head to look at Felix, her old friend. She could now easily recognize the emotion dwelling in his transparent sand-colored eyes.

Since when have you looked at me like that? Once she realized it, it was strange that she hadn’t noticed until now, as the emotion visible in his eyes was so deep.

Ellen bit her lip hard. She never dreamed she would feel this uncomfortable towards her old friend who had been her light during her unfortunate childhood.

“…I’m sorry, Felix. I can’t accept your help.”

I can’t pretend not to know while fully understanding your feelings.

Ellen smiled bitterly, swallowing her unspoken words.

Felix, with a perplexed expression, moved his lips a few times before briefly rubbing his face dry and asking.

“Why? Is it because of Grand Duke Bayern? Are you worried about that man’s reaction?”

“It’s not like that. I just… don’t want to. That’s all.”

“Ellen…”

“I’m really fine, Felix. I’m not a child anymore.”

As Ellen smiled faintly, Felix furrowed his brow as he gazed at her, then let out a heavy sigh. Even though he looked at her with yearning eyes, Ellen refused to meet his gaze and kept turning away.

After taking another sip of water and putting down the cup, Ellen slowly rose from her seat. About 15 minutes had passed already. People might come soon.

Even though she was on the run, she didn’t want to add to the scandal by being found alone with a man in a locked hotel reception room.

She felt sorry for Felix, but… now was the time to draw a line with him.

“I’ll head back to my room now. I can go up alone, so you don’t need to support me.”

“No, I can’t allow that. Do you know how pale you look right now? Like you’re about to collapse…”

“I’m really fine, Felix.”

Ellen refused once again, firmly.

Felix, who had frozen in the act of standing up, couldn’t hide his boiling emotions and wore a pained expression. Ellen keenly noticed his feelings but pretended not to as she turned her back.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, Felix.

I can’t respond to those feelings of yours.

* * *

Rublea is a complex city.

This metropolis, largely divided into old town and new town, has a labyrinthine structure due to forcibly constructed roads and haphazardly patched-up buildings.

It’s laughable that such a shoddy city is the capital of a country, but nonetheless, it’s undeniable that it’s a flourishingly prosperous city. Enoch took out a cigar and put it in his mouth as he looked down at the cityscape from the top of a tall clock tower.

Where in this chaotic city might you be? You probably wouldn’t have chosen the downtown area outright, so perhaps in an area where the middle class resides.

Or it could be the riverside street lined with hotels where gentry-class tourists often stay. There, you could have a fairly satisfactory accommodation while avoiding the eyes of the nobility.

Being clever as you are, you surely would have considered various factors and chosen the best location.

Suddenly struck by the absurdity, Enoch laughed coldly. He felt like a madman for finding that woman cute for being able to think so shrewdly even in this situation.

No, I am a madman indeed. To have chased her all the way here so desperately…

Enoch gripped the railing tightly with the hand not holding the cigar.

This time, he was certain.

Certain that he would surely find her.

Will I be able to understand once I find you? Why I feel such strong resentment and longing. What you are to me, exactly.

And if you… are with Felix Werner, that bastard who doesn’t know his place…

Then… I’m not sure what I might do.

I don’t know if I can maintain my sanity seeing that sight.

What happens if I go even more mad here?

‘If you dared to leave my side and chose to be by that bastard’s side…’

You’ve made a terribly wrong choice, Ellen.

The golden eyes observing the city’s panorama flashed fiercely. It was truly the ferocity of a beast ready to tear apart and shred anything that irritated it.

He threw the cigar into the ashtray and abruptly turned towards the stairs. The long, black coat tails fluttered harshly like the north wind.

The dark city, dyed in the night’s color, was immersed in silence. For now.

* * *