CHAPTER 8: LOVE AND HATE

‘It scares me to think you might get hurt.’

‘That’s funny. The one who gave me wounds that can’t be washed away tore my heart apart, and hurt me the most is you!’

‘I was wrong, Isabelle.’

‘You’ve deceived me again.’

‘It’s a misunderstanding. I can’t just leave you alone, especially since you’re not alone. Give me a chance to be a good father to our unborn child.’

‘You’re not fit to be a husband or a father.’

‘…’

‘And, I don’t need you.’

Harsh words, but they weren’t wrong. He was indeed an unqualified husband, especially considering Isabelle’s contempt for his actions when he pretended not to know about her pregnancy.

Since that day, he hadn’t properly entered their home. He would visit every few days to gather necessary items and ensure Isabelle’s well-being through their servant, Herta.

She had followed him to Vechilin because she trusted his word. He couldn’t bear the thought of Isabelle’s betrayal. He was avoiding a confrontation that might escalate into a fight, causing more wounds to each other.

He had no confidence to change her heart, nor the courage to let her go.

Today’s return home was also at an unusual hour. The manor was silent, with everyone asleep, including Isabelle.

Instead of going to his room, Richt went to his study. Lately, he couldn’t sleep even if he lay down. His insomnia had intensified, a condition he had suffered since childhood due to the rigorous heir training.

He’d thought it had gone away when he’d settled down after his marriage, but with troubles in his relationship with Isabelle, it resurfaced and worsened to the point of being unable to sleep at all.

The fear that Isabelle would eventually leave him was the main cause of his anxiety. He had never considered a life without her. The name Isabelle was inseparable from the title Calitheon. The mere thought was unbearable.

Every night as he lay awake, he suffered in torment and agony. He reflected on his narrow-minded and selfish actions, but the guilt never went away. Amidst countless obsessions, anxieties, and self-blame, Isabelle stood at the center.

Her resentful blue eyes pierced his heart like an arrow. Richt frowned as he felt a pain in his chest. He wanted to shake it off, but it wouldn’t go away.

He thought about going through his business papers but pushed them aside and headed for Isabelle’s room. He wanted to catch a glimpse of her, even if she was asleep.

Reaching the third floor, Richt paused in front of her room. Blue darkness leaked through the crack in the door. Cautiously, he turned the doorknob and stepped inside, where he saw Isabelle sleeping serenely in the faint dawn light.

He sat down cautiously at the edge of the bed where she slept. The mattress gave way under his weight, but Isabelle’s sleep was not merely interrupted. It had been a while since he’d seen his wife’s face. She had gained weight, cared for by Mia and Tanya, and her belly had swelled.

He raised his hand and gently caressed her belly. The warm sensation against his palm felt unfamiliar. Though he had touched her belly many times before, knowing there was a child inside made it strangely different. His hand trembled slightly. Richt moved his hand carefully as if touching an unfamiliar and fascinating creature.

The once prominent protruding belly now formed gentle curves. When he reached a certain point, a sudden movement occurred inside the belly. It was a clear sensation of the baby’s movement. Small and mysterious waves brought an unfamiliar resonance to his heart.

Richt patted her belly gently to calm the baby’s movements and prevent Isabelle from waking up. It was a clumsy gesture, but the baby seemed to have settled down. It could be a coincidence, but he preferred to believe otherwise—believing it was the baby recognizing its father.

Uncomfortable with lying on her back, Isabelle rolled over and onto her side. Richt immediately withdrew his hand. It felt like sneaking into a sleeping person’s room like a cat burglar. It was bittersweet, but as an undeserving husband, he had no other choice.

He wished he could turn back time. If he could go back, he would never make the same mistakes. He would make sure to make Isabelle happy. He would do his best to be a good husband, ensuring she wasn’t lonely or hurt.

However, it was an impossible and fanciful dream. There was no way to turn back. His chest sank into darkness. He was learning the hard way that regrets are always too late.

After watching Isabelle sleep for a while, Richt slipped out of the room at first light. Then he left the house.

***

At some point, Richt seemed to disappear. At first, it seemed like a misconception, but as time passed, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Richt was intentionally avoiding her. According to Tanya, he didn’t completely avoid coming in, but strangely, Isabelle couldn’t even see his shadow.

He would enter while she was asleep and leave before she woke up, staying in the house for only a few hours. It wasn’t even a daily occurrence.

Before, even if she told him to leave, he used to persistently stick around, but now he acted as if avoidance was his specialty. The man who always did things his way was truly annoying.

Even when she asked the maid, Herta, when he would come in, she couldn’t get a straightforward answer. Richt didn’t share his schedule with Herta.

Isabelle, who was staring at the door where she couldn’t feel the warmth of a person, turned away. As she descended the stairs, almost reaching the first floor, she ran into Mia.

“It seems the Duke didn’t come in today either.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m worried.”

Mia added cautiously.

“He’s a cowardly and stubborn man. He knew about the pregnancy and didn’t show any sign of care.”

“I think he was waiting for you to tell him yourself.”

“He deceived me with plausible words. He never intended to let me go from the beginning.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t with ill intentions.”

“What?”

It was an unusual statement from Mia, who always positioned herself as a reliable ally to Isabelle.

“I think he couldn’t help it because he was worried about you and the baby.”

Feeling oddly aligned as if she had become Richt’s spokesperson, Isabelle began to feel uncomfortable.

“Why did you disclose my pregnancy in the first place? Without my permission.”

“I didn’t disclose it.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Duke already knew everything; he just confirmed it with me.”

“… He knew?”

Isabelle’s eyes widened with confusion. She had assumed Mia had told him first. There had been resentment towards Mia just that day when they had clashed on the stairs.

“Yes. I don’t know how he figured it out, but he knew and asked me. So I couldn’t lie.”

Mia shook her head and explained the events of that day. Isabelle had thought she was deceiving him well, but everything had been a naive misconception.

“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”

“I secretly wished for you two to reconcile.”

“Mia!”

Isabelle involuntarily raised her voice. Mia’s always been there for her, and Isabelle thought Mia knew her heart better than anyone. But reconciliation? That was impossible. Even if the relationship was strained, it couldn’t be restored just by patching things up. It was cracked and broken, and no amount of piecing it back together would make it whole again.

“Do you hate the Duke?”

Mia threw an unexpected question. was a strange edge to her words.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean do you hate the Duke?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Really?”

Mia strangely probed Isabelle’s inner thoughts, looking more serious than Isabelle had ever seen her. At this point, Isabelle found Mia’s insight burdensome. She asserted her decision more firmly.

“Yes. I hate him now.”

“As far as I can see, you still love the Duke.”

She revealed her strange and unwavering conviction with a determined gaze. Her absurd speculation left Isabelle momentarily speechless. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“As much as you love, the sadness and resentment are also immense. It’s not that your feelings have worn out over time.”

“No. Do you think I don’t know my own heart?”

“It’s not that you don’t want to admit it?”

“That’s not possible. It’s true that I loved him for a long time, but not anymore. Now…”