The way she blinked her long eyelashes suggested she was already not in her right mind.

Was her consciousness hazy? Since when had she been like this?

His head suddenly cleared. Though he was the one who had drunk alcohol to the top of his head, why was this woman intoxicated when he returned?

“Melissa.”

He knelt down on one knee before her.

When he called her name softly, the woman who had half-torn her nightgown wrinkled her brows weakly.

Her eyes were full of despair.

A thin moan and sobs burst from her.

“I’m sorry. That I… such painful things to Your Highness… Ti-time, I asked for…”

She was hiccuping and breathing heavily, already out of her mind. On the flesh she had torn with her nails until it bled, the red stigma glowed.

Since it wasn’t engraved in the flesh but imprinted on the soul, tearing at the surface wouldn’t help.

“Shh.”

When he knelt down, she was so small she was completely covered by his shadow. Reizen gently held one of her cheeks as if soothing a terrified small animal.

“I know. I know how you feel.”

He understood it better than anyone. How difficult it was to maintain balance while struggling between uncontrollable desire and reason, trying not to make oneself filthy…

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Ugh…”

“If you were in such pain, you should have told me.”

Reizen asked while holding her suffering form in his arms. Melissa shook her head violently while crying with an anguished face.

“I didn’t want to… be a burden to Your Highness… I haven’t overcome it all yet… but. If we end up… together… I’ll surely be a burden… huu…”

Melissa mumbled, not in her right mind.

Though he didn’t know how long she had been in this state, she probably hadn’t been able to take any suppressants or pain medication, so she was more than half mad.

Even as she spoke, tears kept falling from Melissa’s eyes.

Oh, how foolish.

Reizen held her tighter. Now he could feel her tears soaking through to his chest.

“Melissa.”

He had already completely erased the thoughts he had before opening this door when he spoke.

“…Some wounds never heal and remain as scars that you have to live with. Like this one on your ankle.”

When Reizen lightly touched Melissa’s delicate ankle with his fingertip, she flinched. It was where she had been injured from the shackles when she was in Sorbet.

Emerson said that even after that ankle healed, it would be uncomfortable for life. Though it didn’t seem to cause visible discomfort, he knew how much care she put into each step she took. He was quite observant after all.

Reizen briefly pulled her away from his embrace. He could see her fair face crushed with tears. The woman with hazy eyes slowly raised her head.

Reizen spoke while still staring at her ankle.

“It will hurt every time you see the wound.”

“…”

“There will be moments when you absolutely cannot accept it.”

Melissa bit her lip hard.

“But Melissa, you shouldn’t torment yourself more each time.”

Reizen’s hand stroked down Melissa’s left arm. How much had she scratched with her nails for the flesh to be so tattered? How much had it hurt?

He recalled his mother’s empty eyes from the past. If only he could have told her these words back then. Reizen spoke while wiping Melissa’s wet cheeks with his thumb.

“I’m not telling you to overcome it.”

Because there are pains that can never be overcome.

“I’m not telling you to accept everything either.”

Because there are pains that can never be accepted.

“But if you have to live with this wound anyway, Melissa. I wish you would hurt a little less.”

In this moment, Reizen found Melissa unbearably pitiful and heartbreaking.

He couldn’t stand how this small and fragile being had to be wounded by something that wasn’t her fault and carry it for life.

Reizen met her eyes with a heavy heart. Her red eyes, which had been hazily unfocused, shook violently. Melissa’s hands gripped Reizen’s arms tightly like a lifeline and wouldn’t let go.

He knows. He also understands this desire to depend on someone. Because he too once wanted such a presence.

But the one who could have supported him had already died from wrong choices. Without waiting until Reizen could become an adult who could say such words…

“I hope at least you will make the right choices for yourself, Melissa.”

Please.

“If the wound won’t heal, leave it be.”

“Huu.”

“And as time passes.”

Reizen came close with a sad smile and pressed his forehead to hers. Then he said.

“At some point, good memories layered over the wound will support you.”

If you live on, such moments will surely come. So let’s stop doing this now… okay?

Reizen’s hands trembled slightly as they stroked Melissa’s head and back.

* * *

In life, there are things that cannot be helped.

The same goes for where and how one is born and dies. While some things come from one’s own choices, there are certainly moments that cannot be helped.

For instance, things like misunderstandings arising between people, suddenly getting a terminal illness, or accidents from natural disasters are the same.

In Melissa’s case, her entire life had been living as a noble born as a Grey.

And she had experienced the deaths of her parents, grandfather, teacher, and the loyal knights who protected her. She was betrayed by her sister and the fiancé she trusted and believed in, and was severely abused by her husbands.

In the end, she was sent to Sorbet and was destined to rot away waiting for death.

Looking back, there were many things that were useless to try to escape from.

Each time, Melissa had thought.

If I had been smarter, if I had escaped sooner, if I had the foresight to see the future, would it have been better? Wouldn’t such tragedy have not happened to me then?

What started as self-doubt eventually completely conquered Melissa’s heart.

‘It’s because of me.’

She believed misfortune had befallen her because she hadn’t done what she should have.

‘The family’s ruin, the deaths of people around me, the betrayal of those I trusted, it was all my fault.’

As those feelings grew stronger, at some point she became absolutely unable to forgive herself.

‘A person like me doesn’t deserve to live. No one wants my happiness… They only want my misery.’

It had been that way for a very long time.

‘I don’t want to live like this. I want to find peace…’

What tormented Melissa was herself.

Those who had wounded her were already gone, but she alone remained in one place, stabbing herself with a knife and shedding tears of blood.

It’s unfair.

Another her inside Melissa said.

I want to escape too.

While the wounded Melissa stagnates and rots in one place, the world moves endlessly.

Even when Melissa stays still, trials are held in court, reporters take photos, and the Emperor arbitrarily takes her and marries her off.

Like water naturally flowing downward when it rains, Melissa had lived that way too. Hadn’t the people around her said it until their ears wore out all her life?

Never deviate from the set course.

A life set in predetermined patterns – making her debut in society when the time comes, marrying the arranged fiancé when the time comes, having children when the time comes, and then raising and educating those children to become heirs when the time comes.

Everyone scared her as if something terrible would happen if she deviated from that course, so Melissa was afraid. It felt like she shouldn’t deviate even an inch from that line.

When she saw people who had deviated and gone far away first, she admired their courage but couldn’t bring herself to try it. Because things weren’t bad as they were now.

Because life that met others’ standards was okay enough at a normal level.

But when she failed at living such a life that met people’s standards, what was left for her?

Nothing.

Yes. There was nothing.

If life was this variable and the future this unclear anyway, she should have lived the life she wanted.

It wasn’t about blindly living by giving herself over to instinct like Rael. It was a bit different from that. Because the path Rael chose destroyed her.

The path Melissa wanted to take was, as Reizen said, one that wouldn’t hurt herself while also being a path she chose directly.

“Rei…zen…”

Melissa sobbed while tightly held in Reizen’s arms. He smelled strongly of alcohol.

Breathing in that scent made her feel like she was getting drunk too.

“Haa.”

The stigma manifests again.

Light flowed out even as her skin was torn and bleeding. Melissa pulled at his neck while barely able to open her eyes that were crushed with tears.