Chapter 59

“Ah, that is…”

Judith hesitated greatly, visibly flustered by his question. Her hand holding the notebook fidgeted nervously.

At that moment, Chase felt utterly pathetic and pitiful. He thought that even if he were Judith, he wouldn’t like someone like himself.

Then, after hesitating for a long time, Judith slowly nodded her head.

“Yes.”

A low voice acknowledging the truth was heard.

So Judith does like Axel.

It was a confirmation shot. Although he already knew, hearing it directly from her felt completely different.

His heart ached, and he felt slightly angry. He was her fiancé, so why did she make such decisions without discussing it with him?

Chase unknowingly spoke to Judith in a sharp tone.

“…Your fiancé is not him but me. So why are you attending with him? What will others think of me?”

“I’m sorry, Chase. I have my reasons…”

“What reasons? You could have at least told me in advance.”

Pathetic fool.

Even as he cursed himself, Chase’s words wouldn’t stop.

“Before I asked directly, you should have given me a hint.”

If she had, it wouldn’t have been this miserable. Thanks to his tiny pride, he barely swallowed the last words.

“……”

Judith said nothing. Perhaps she was disappointed in how pathetic he looked.

After a long silence, Judith called him.

“Hey, Chase.”

Chase couldn’t answer, swallowing his resentment. She asked very cautiously.

“Are you… crying?”

“No way.”

Chase managed to pretend to be calm and bowed his head deeply. But he couldn’t hide the trembling in his voice. Seeing this, Judith spoke in an even more apologetic voice.

“Hey, Chase. I really have no excuse. I’m truly sorry. I should have considered your position as my fiancé more…”

“Forget it, I’m not crying.”

“But tears are falling on your knees.”

“……”

Chase hurriedly raised his hand to cover his pants, which were a mess with tear marks. But before he could, a tear fell on the back of his hand.

Judith watched this and wondered.

Why is Chase so upset? If he wanted, he could attend the party with someone other than me.

Why was he crying so much just because I had a prior engagement with someone else?

As she looked at his trembling shoulders, an impossible thought crossed Judith’s mind.

Despite herself, she asked.

“…Chase, do you perhaps like me?”

As soon as she said it, she expected Chase to immediately deny it, but for some reason, he didn’t answer.

Why wasn’t he answering? Was it such an absurd question that he couldn’t even bother to respond?

But after a long pause, Chase raised his arm to roughly wipe his eyes and slowly spoke.

“If that’s the case.”

At the same time, his bloodshot eyes met hers.

“What would you do if I said I liked you?”

“……”

Her heart plummeted. This time, Judith froze like a stone.

A million thoughts flooded her mind all at once, leaving her unable to take any action.

Could my ears be wrong?

But his eyes, staring at her with such seriousness, made it impossible for Judith to deny reality.

Even though closing her eyes wouldn’t get her out of this situation, she shut them tightly, feeling dizzy.

Facing the pitch-black darkness seemed to calm her heart a little.

When she opened her eyes again, Chase was still looking at her.

Finally resolved, Judith slowly spoke to him.

“…But you said this before.”

“What did I say?”

She cautiously finished her sentence, watching his reaction.

“You told me not to love you.”

Chase’s face stiffened at her words. Ignoring his rigid expression, Judith continued.

“And you said you had no intention of loving me.”

“……”

“Then why are you saying this now?”

Words that sounded like resentment spilled out without her realizing it.

Since Chase still didn’t answer, Judith turned her head away from him. She felt his gaze on her cheek but pretended not to notice.

“Hey Chase, don’t forget we’re in anarranged engagement. We’re just using each other because we’re useful to one another.”

As she continued speaking, her heart, which had been racing anxiously, gradually calmed down.

Yes, that’s all we are.

The anxiety subsided, and she felt reassured.

“In that sense, you’ve been a really good fiancé. I hope you continue to be.”

“……”

“I’ll also try to be a good fiancée to you.”

Suddenly, she remembered the day she had skipped club activities for the first time to find Chase.

Why did I do that? Why did Chase’s image flash through my mind?

She pondered but couldn’t find a reason.

But even if there was a reason, the situation wouldn’t change.

She needed to make things clear from now on. Developing deep feelings for each other wouldn’t do any good—for either her or Chase.

Now that she had said it clearly, now that she had sorted out her feelings, and now that Chase seemed a bit calmer, free from sadness.

So she tried to stand up.

There was no reason to linger any longer in a mere arranged relationship.

Thud.

But Chase caught her as she turned away. It was just the hem of her jacket, but Judith couldn’t shake it off.

The faint strength felt somehow so desperate.

When she finally tried to pull away, an unexpected confession came from behind.

“I love you.”

“……”

It felt like the ground beneath her feet was crumbling, and her stomach churned. She closed her eyes against the intense dizziness.

She thought bitterly.

This is why.

This is why she was scared and tried to run away. But foolishly, she couldn’t even run away properly.

“I love you. Without even realizing it myself.”

So she ended up hearing the fact she wanted to avoid.

That Chase loved her.

It was dizzying. Amidst the confusion, a question that seemed to accuse him slipped out without passing through her mind.

“Why?”

Words with sharp thorns. Perhaps a defense mechanism to protect herself.

A selfish desire not to be hurt, even if it meant hurting others.

“Why do you love me?”

She wished Chase would just back down. That he would say it was a mistake, an accidental slip of the tongue.

That’s what she hoped for.

“Do you need a reason to love someone?”

Chase looked at her with unwavering eyes.

“I just like you. Isn’t that enough?”

It’s not enough.

“How can you like someone without a reason…?”

Can you like someone?

It was all a mess. For Judith, it was impossible.

Is liking someone that easy? Is it so insignificant that it’s possible without a reason?

But her thoughts couldn’t continue. Because Chase’s voice pierced her eardrums again.

“If I have to give a reason, it’s because you were there for me when I was struggling.”

She held her breath.

“You comforted me kindly.”

Each word Chase uttered seemed to choke her.

“You treated me like someone precious.”

Should I run away even now?

“Every moment with you felt special, and I hoped it would last forever.”

But it was already too late.

“I came to love you.”

She closed her eyes tightly. She didn’t feel worthy of opening her eyelids. She felt so terrible about herself that she couldn’t bear it.

Only after being buried in the dark did she realize.

Maybe I…

Haven’t I done the same thing with Axel?

* * *

She loves Axel Fedelian. So clearly that it can’t be denied.

Why do I love Axel? Why can’t I escape, even though it frustrates and torments me?

There’s no need to ponder the reasons for loving Axel. There are countless reasons.

But if she had to pick a few, it’s because he was there for her when she was struggling, and he comforted her kindly.

‘You don’t have to cry. I’ll do the crying, so you just focus on smiling.’

And because he treated her like someone precious.

‘Even if I make new friends, the fact that you are the most important won’t change.’

So in the end, every moment with him felt special, and she hoped it would last forever.

They were all the same reasons Chase mentioned.

It seemed like everything was tangled. She just wanted to cut ties with Axel, but instead of cutting ties, she ended up dragging Chase into it.

But she didn’t want to hurt Chase like Axel hurt her.

She didn’t want to become a cruel person like Axel to him.