Chapter 6

Maybe Axel is the same.

Even though he’s a precious friend she’s known since childhood, there might still be an invisible wall that can’t be crossed.

Judith realized this obvious fact late.

When she first learned of it, she was sad, but now she wasn’t.

Just like a square stone gradually becomes round by the waves, even painful things become familiar if you experience them repeatedly.

Of course, it took quite a while to get used to it, but the current Judith was in a state where she could accept that fact without any problem.

“Nothing happened. It’s just that I have a bad personality.”

Judith said, as if spitting out the words, and deliberately avoided Axel’s gaze touching her cheek.

* * *

“Hannah, have you ever had a crush?”

At Judith’s sudden question, Hannah, who was lying on the bed reading a romance novel, looked up.

In Hannah’s eyes, she saw Judith’s serious face.

“Why are you asking?”

“Just because.”

“Hm, that’s strange…”

Judith fiddled with the microfiber pajamas she was wearing and said.

“What’s strange? It’s a question anyone might ask.”

As Judith said, the question itself, ‘Have you ever had a crush?’ wasn’t strange.

But it was unexpected for Judith to ask such a question out of the blue, so Hannah couldn’t help but be curious.

Was there some change of heart?

Hannah tilted her head.

“But it’s the first time you’re curious about something like this.”

She pushed up the black frame of her glasses that had slipped down to her nose as she continued.

“Besides, with Axel Fedelian as your childhood friend and Chase Cardandy as your fiancé, would any ordinary man catch your eye? They’d all look like squid to you.”

“…”

“Judith, surely you don’t see me as a squid too, do you?”

Judith burst into a clear laugh at the half-worried, half-joking question.

“No. Of course not.”

“Then that’s a relief.”

Hannah closed the novel she was reading.

She didn’t know why Judith was suddenly asking, but since Judith asked her, she felt she should answer sincerely.

Fortunately, Hannah had many stories to tell Judith. She had experienced many crushes in the past.

“Anyway, to get back to the point, yes, I’ve had many. When I was young, I had a crush on a boy almost once a month.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’m the type to fall in love quickly.”

Judith, who expected questions like how she came to like someone or if she ended up dating them, asked an unexpected question.

“Then have you ever forgotten a crush?”

Judith looked somewhat solemn. Hannah couldn’t understand Judith’s intentions behind these questions but answered quietly.

“Of course.”

“How did you forget?”

Hannah tapped her lips with her index finger as she pondered deeply.

A crush… In fact, since entering the academy, she had been so busy with exams and assignments that she had long forgotten such sweet emotions.

When she realized her crush was hopeless, how did she forget…?

Hannah slowly traced back her memories and soon answered as if she remembered.

“Well, if you don’t see them continuously, you forget. Even if you want to see them, if you endure and live avoiding them as much as possible, the feelings naturally disappear.”

“…”

“Or you can find another love. If you find someone you like more than the person you originally liked, you naturally forget.”

Judith was silent for a moment. But soon, she smiled slightly.

“I see. Thanks, Hannah.”

Since Judith’s questions were over, it was Hannah’s turn to ask.

With sparkling eyes, Hannah jumped onto Judith’s bed.

The mattress shook wildly. After adjusting her posture, Hannah sat right next to Judith.

“But isn’t today your first meeting with Chase? How did it go?!”

Judith smiled awkwardly at the excited Hannah.

“Just. We talked a bit at a café and then parted ways.”

“What did you talk about? Tell me in detail.”

Judith closed her mouth, as if choosing her words, and then spoke.

“Well… He said he would never love me, even though we’re engaged.”

“Huh. As expected of someone obsessed with swords. To say that outright at the first meeting.”

Hannah clicked her tongue. Then she glanced at the novel she had been reading.

In novels, characters who say such things often end up falling in fiery love, but reality probably isn’t as beautiful as fiction.

She glanced at Judith, but Judith seemed unaffected. Not just pretending to be okay, but truly looking fine.

Judith shrugged her shoulders.

“Still, I think Chase and I can have a good relationship. We both want the same thing.”

Besides, he was quite helpful in keeping Axel away.

Judith felt it was worthwhile to choose him as her fiancé.

“As long as you’re not hurt, that’s a relief…”

Hannah thought of Chase Cardandy as she looked at the calm Judith.

Bright red eyes like embedded rubies and sculpted features.

Even though he practiced swordsmanship all day, his skin was flawlessly white and clear.

When Chase held a sword in the training ground, students would secretly watch him. Regardless of gender.

Female students secretly admired Chase, and male students looked up to him.

Chase’s eyes, which usually viewed the world indifferently, shone the sharpest when he held a sword.

His silver hair swayed with basic movements, like a long thread spun from the moon.

Every time he took a break, the way he swept back that silver thread was said to be breathtaking by the surrounding female students.

“Chase had to be so handsome. Having been bothered by people since he was young, he must have grown disillusioned. Ignoring people’s words is probably due to such accumulated experiences.”

Of course, Hannah wasn’t sure, but given Chase’s appearance, it was a plausible story.

Judith, seemingly uninterested, simply said, “I see.”

In fact, in Judith’s mind, only the image of Chase provoking Axel repeatedly was replaying.

* * *

Sometimes she thinks.

If she hadn’t fallen in that garden. If Axel hadn’t found her when she fell.

And… if Axel had been a little less kind.

If so, wouldn’t they have been different? She wouldn’t have had to endure such painful unrequited love.

But Judith thought it was a meaningless assumption.

Even if Axel didn’t love Judith, Judith couldn’t help but love Axel.

Now, he was the only one left for her.

Judith’s father also suddenly passed away like her mother. It was a carriage accident.

Her father’s death.

Judith was young, but she understood what death meant.

It meant she would never see, touch, or hear her father’s voice again.

Judith’s whole world collapsed in an instant. Her heart was broken with sadness, yet strangely, no tears came out.

Her father’s funeral was clean and swift. Thanks to the special attention of Madame Fedelian.

Judith just quietly watched the brown coffin being buried in the ground. Like a paper doll.

For the first time, she realized she was left alone.

Now, the person who woke her up every morning and ate meals with her was gone forever.

At that moment, Axel came up and hugged Judith tightly. Back then, Axel was smaller than Judith.

Thanks to that, she couldn’t be completely embraced, and her head stuck out.

But that embrace was warm. It felt like her frozen heart was melting.

That day, Axel cried as if he was shedding tears for Judith, his nose turning red as he sobbed.

It was hard to tell whose father had died, as Axel cried his heart out.

Judith awkwardly patted Axel’s back as he cried.

‘Don’t cry, Axel.’

‘But how can I not cry?’

Axel, who had buried his face in Judith’s shoulder, lifted his head.

His long eyelashes were already soaked, and his bluish-gray eyes were damp, dimming their usual brightness.

Axel, trembling pitifully, raised his hand. And gently cupped Judith’s cheeks.

‘A sad thing happened to you, how can I not cry?’

‘I…’

Judith, thinking she didn’t know who was comforting whom, continued.

‘Strangely, I don’t cry.’

Young Judith wasn’t one to lack tears. She was rather a crybaby, often crying over small pains.

She cried when she first met Axel, and repeatedly when her father gave her injections.

But why weren’t tears coming out now? Was she broken?

Judith thought she must have been broken due to the shock.

Her father used to click his tongue at broken or damaged kitchen utensils.

He would say they were useless to keep, just taking up space, so it was better to throw them away.

If that’s the case, then I…