Chapter 37

As the days went by, inspections became more intense.

“Could you please show me your ID?”

There was no relaxation even on weekends. The agency people focused on women in their twenties. If they found anyone even slightly suspicious, they immediately asked for their ID and their parents’ names.

Being afraid made you more likely to be suspected. Vivi continued her work at the library as usual and chatted with her seniors. After work, she went straight home to have meals with Irini.

I saw the medicine bag last time. Please take care of your health. I’m worried. 

• Costance –

There was a note from Sir Costance. While she was working, he would visit her home and leave desserts or flowers. Today, he left a bag full of medicine, vitamin drinks, and healthy fruits.

“…Sigh.”

What should I do, Sir?

Taking care of my health isn’t easy.

The medication had increased. She had taken all the pills she received and ended up going back to the hospital. Not eating properly caused her to lose weight.

“Meow.”

At least Irini wasn’t sick, which was a relief. After opening a can and giving it to Irini, she leaned back on the bed.

The scenery in front of her and the time seemed to have stopped. She felt isolated. 

Why am I even alive…?

Women on Baton Street kept getting caught. They could truly be spies or innocent people caught in her place.

‘They… found out about me.’

She was quick to pick up on things.

At first, she was unsure, but after about a week, she was convinced that the government knew about her.

The NOK One Laboratory was very large. There were hundreds of employees working there. Many researchers died in the explosion, but some survived. Among the survivors, there could be researchers who knew her well.

There was no guarantee they would pretend not to know about her until they died.

She had held out well until now.

She gently closed her eyes.

When she accidentally saw the blueprint as a child.

<…Did you see?>

Her father, who always had a blank expression, showed his eyes wavering for the first time.

<…You saw it.>

Yes, I saw it, Father.

I still can’t forget it.

I wished I could get amnesia.

Once, I was so scared that I thought maybe it would be better if I died. If I get caught by the agency, I’d make the whole world tremble in fear of the destructive weapon. Wouldn’t it be better if I just died…?

Wouldn’t that be the path to peace?

‘Father.’

Did you feel the same way?

Is that why you forced me and the researchers out of the lab that day?

You were someone who cared more about humanity than your own daughter, and more about the future than humanity itself.

<I shouldn’t have let you see them.>

<…>

<I’m sorry for being your father, Benny Galinne.>

It was an irresponsible apology from Nergal Galinne.

* * *

Light streamed through the stained glass.

She took a sick day and visited Canary Cathedral. Since it was a weekday morning, there were hardly any people inside the cathedral. The nuns and orphanage children seemed to be doing other things outside the cathedral annex, as it was quiet.

She sat down and prayed.

‘How can I avoid sin?’

She was different from her father. Unlike him, she was cowardly and ignorant. She wasn’t responsible enough to choose death for others.

She thought she would die long ago, yet she was still alive.

“…”

Canary Village was now dangerous. Continuing her work as before was difficult. Even if Julia returned or a replacement came, the atmosphere would be different from before.

She had been saving money diligently in preparation for this situation. She could buy land in the countryside, build a small house, and cultivate a field in front of it. If she harvested and sold sweet potatoes or potatoes, she wouldn’t starve to death.

‘Have mercy on me, and please protect me until the end.’

She had already scouted a location. It was a secluded place, making it difficult for agency people to find her. It wasn’t a suitable place for a spy, so there wouldn’t be any inspections.

She needed to go there immediately.

“…”

After finishing her prayer, she stood up. Before leaving, she stopped by the confessional one last time. Then, she left the cathedral before the nuns and orphanage children could notice her.

“…Sir.”

But she hadn’t gone far when her steps were halted. Her mouth fell open in surprise. In front of her stood the person she had longed to see.

The person she most wanted to meet but also least wanted to meet.

‘My dream…’

In his uniform, Sir Costance held a flower and a paper bag with a jewelry store logo. His face, which she hadn’t seen in a while, looked gaunt and dark, reflecting his hardships.

“…Vivi?”

Noticing her presence, he turned his head. Before she could avoid it, their eyes met.

“Vivi.”

A smile bloomed on his face when he saw her.

Why now, of all times?

“Costance.”

Her feet, stuck to the ground, wouldn’t move. After confirming there was no one around, she looked at him and tried to lift her lips into a smile.

“Hello.”

“I never expected to see you in a place like this.”

“Yes.”

“Maybe there’s a connection between us. Meeting like this makes me think so.”

“…”

“Not seeing your face for so long has been torture. If you heard the things I’ve been saying about the Randok nation, you’d probably be appalled.”

“Rando… made a destructive weapon.”

She murmured.

“Vivi?”

“And Nergal Galinne too.”

“That’s right. If Nergal Galinne hadn’t created that destructive weapon, Rando wouldn’t have made such provocations.”

Her heart sank. While she understood his feelings, an inexplicable sense of betrayal crept in.

“Vivi? Is something wrong?”

The smile on his face slowly faded.

As he approached her, her heart sank.

Leaving Canary Village was painful, but more than anything, the thought of having to forget him was excruciating.

‘Can I really forget him?’

Even if her memory was as fleeting as a bird’s, forgetting him was impossible.

“Are you still unwell? I’m worried.”

“…I’m fine.”

He gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

Her lips wouldn’t part. How should she speak to him? Her heart swelled with emotion.

But now was the chance.

“It’s not something to worry about. I think it’s just accumulated fatigue. A day of rest should be enough.”

She removed his hand from her shoulder. His hand fell away easily. Avoiding his gaze, she turned her head to the side.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

His expression hardened slightly, as if he was a bit angry.

“I-I’m not avoiding you. I should go.”

She quietly moved past him.

He stood there for a moment, then followed her. She could sense him trailing behind her. Yet, he didn’t say anything to her.

“Aren’t you busy?”

She spoke first, without stopping her steps.

“I am busy. But isn’t it your working hours too?”

“I took a sick day.”

“Are you… very sick?”

He didn’t overtake her.

“No, it’s just stress-induced gastritis.”

“I’ll bring some warm stew for dinner later. Or perhaps you could stay at my place? I’ve always thought your house is too cold. The fridge is always empty too.”

“…”

“Vivi.”

Sir Costance’s patience was at its limit. He quickly crossed in front of her and stood before her. His broad, solid shoulders blocked her path.

Her heart raced wildly. She struggled to hold back the emotions she wanted to pour out.

“Please tell me.”

“W-what…”

“Is something wrong?”

He slowly reached out his arm toward her hand.

“…Nothing.”

“If you don’t, it’s not you but me who will be hurt.”

She withdrew her hand, avoiding his arm. His hand stopped in the air.

“Then please tell me why you’re avoiding me.”

“Avoiding you?”

“Look at me, Vivi.”

She felt the heat of his gaze. Yet, she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Tell me, and I’ll fix it.”

His voice lowered.

“Fix it…?”

Startled by his words, she unknowingly raised her head.

The expression on his face looked like it would crumble with a touch. His eyes flickered precariously. Even so, he didn’t let go of her gaze once he caught it.

“…I’ve left you alone these past few days. Before work became busy, I held you all day. We couldn’t even go on a proper date.”

He reproached himself.

“To make a cowardly excuse, I think… I was so happy that I lost my mind. I lost my reason. Every time I held you, damn it, I always felt that way.”

He was greatly mistaken.

“Constance…”

“To be honest, I wanted to do everything with you. I wanted to go to amusement parks, cafes, read books together, just everything…”

His voice cracked. As he struggled to speak with an increasingly choked voice, he slowly exhaled.

“Don’t say you’ll fix it.”

She spoke firmly.

He had always underestimated himself.

“Vivi.”

“I like you as you are. Why do you keep trying to adjust to me? Costance is Costance.”

She looked straight at his blushing face. He was indeed naive, but she liked that.

“Vivi.”

The same went for dates.

She also wanted to do many things with him, but honestly, lying side by side in bed, intertwining their bodies, was better. On the bed, he considered her feelings, finding where she felt the most.

A sweet word, a kiss. That was him.

It was so warm it brought tears to her eyes.

My beloved Sir Costance.

“Vivi, why are you crying…”

“So just know one thing.”

She faced him directly and spoke.

“This isn’t your fault.”

“…”

I love you.

“It seems we’re just not meant to be.”