Chapter 43

After that, Costance continued to secretly visit the cathedral.

‘She came again today.’

One thing that was different from before was that he always looked for Vivi. Though she appeared fragile, Vivi was a strong and reliable woman. Just seeing her face made Costance’s heavy heart feel as if it was washed away by the waves.

“……”

A feeling he had never experienced before.

Costance didn’t clearly know what that feeling was. Nevertheless, his desire grew day by day. He wanted to reach her.

It would be nice if words could reach her, and even better if their gazes could meet.

“Do you know what Eugene likes?”

“Yes, I’m curious. What does he like?”

Costance asked the nun about Alonso. It was a question he couldn’t ask recklessly before because he was afraid.

The nun, though flustered, cautiously shared some information about Alonso. Costance noted it down, planning to give a gift later.

Days passed like this, one after another.

No matter how busy he was, Costance made sure to visit the cathedral on weekends. If Vivi was there, he felt good, and if she was busy and didn’t come, Sir Costance felt disappointed.

‘…I want to see her.’

Even while working, Costance thought of Vivi’s face. This unconscious thought made Costance wonder if he had finally gone mad. Thinking of Vivi made his heart pound like a drum.

At first, he thought he might be unwell and visited the infirmary but received no particular diagnosis. Costance carried this frustration with him as he worked tirelessly for a week.

He thought working would make it better… But such complacent thinking led to a bigger problem a week later.

Costance’s body felt unusually heavy. His superior, noticing his condition, sent him to a hospital outside the military base.

During a weekday lunch break, Costance visited the hospital and was diagnosed with fatigue and headaches caused by stress.

It was an unsatisfying diagnosis.

“…Ah.”

On his way back to the military base, he happened to spot Vivi standing at a crosswalk on the opposite side.

In one hand, she held a sandwich bag, and in the other, a bag full of juice bottles.

Unlike at the cathedral, she was dressed neatly in a work uniform. Quickly scanning her attire, Costance recognized it as the uniform of the Canary National Library.

…A librarian.

It was a job that suited Vivi perfectly. At that moment, the tension that had been tied up in Costance’s chest for a week was finally relieved.

Costance almost greeted Vivi without realizing it but stopped himself.

“……”

Right now, he was Navy Captain Costance Orsi. Costance had never greeted her at the cathedral, always hiding his presence. Vivi still didn’t know of his existence.

‘This is practically stalking.’

Costance felt pathetic. He resolved that he would definitely greet her the next time he met her at the cathedral.

Though it was disappointing, Costance was happy to see Vivi’s face after a week. That was until a man standing next to Vivi started talking to her.

The man seemed interested in Vivi and flirted with her. Vivi openly disliked it, but the man was quite persistent.

Watching this scene with his own eyes, Costance was dumbfounded.

Even when the traffic light turned green, Costance just stood there. It wasn’t until Vivi’s scent brushed past him that he regained his senses.

‘She wasn’t only beautiful in my eyes…’

Costance realized. Vivi was a beautiful woman in the eyes of others too. Realizing this made Costance anxious.

Even greeting her tomorrow would be too late.

That afternoon, Costance announced that he would use all his saved leave.

* * *

If only he hadn’t reached out from the start…

Costance stared blankly at his hand, which had once held Vivi. His sober mind remembered Vivi’s scent, touch, and voice.

And he wanted more.

Yet, Costance worried about Vivi. Though she appeared strong on the outside, inside, she was tender and full of scars. He wanderers what if someone was bothering her.

Costance lifted his haggard face.

It was just past 4 PM. He couldn’t even recall what day it was. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget Vivi, so he planned to pray to her.

Kneeling, he would ask for another chance, saying, “I really love you… a lot.”

As he planned this, Costance found himself thinking of Vivi while putting on his coat, pausing while putting on his shoes, and stopping while fixing his hair.

It was much later when he finally arrived at the library. But there, he didn’t meet Vivi…

“…What did you just say?”

“Well, Vivi quit being a librarian.”

He was frozen in shock.

* * *

“Vivi has really been through a lot. I’m worried she might be struggling alone.”

Webley said to Costance, who had suddenly appeared. She hadn’t yet noticed Costance’s hardened expression.

Costance’s face was stiff. 

For what reason had Vivi quit being a librarian?

How had Vivi been recently?

The last time Costance saw Vivi was a few weeks ago when she had firmly pushed him away.

The emaciated Vivi had gripped Costance’s heart with her small hands and then harshly threw it away as if she no longer needed it.

Costance recalled the past, tracing back his memories. Vivi had been unwell and was receiving medication at the hospital. But Costance had never seen Vivi when she was truly sick. It was because of the Kingdom Rando’s provocation.

“What happened to Miss Vivi?”

Costance’s voice dropped low.

“What? …Ah.”

Only then did Webley notice Costance’s unusual expression.

“…Well, this is a sensitive matter.”

“Please, tell me.”

Webley couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She had always been curious why Costance visited the library, and now she knew. Webley felt even more upset about the missed timing between Vivi and Sir Costance.

“Well, it was a shocking incident. Vivi’s direct senior, Julia, was caught by the agency.”

“Julia…”

Costance recognized the name. The woman who was always by Vivi’s side.

She was the one who had confessed to him at the photo studio with Vivi.

“Why was she… caught?”

“Well.”

Webley looked around before speaking again.

“Julia’s father was a spy.”

“…What?”

Webley muttered, realizing Costance didn’t know.

“You know the agency has increased surveillance recently, right?”

Costance focused on her words.

“That day, Julia and Vivi went on a lunch errand together, and that’s when Julia was caught. Vivi witnessed Julia being taken away.”

“……”

“After that, Vivi was in a terrible state. She couldn’t eat properly and was sick all day. The librarians were all worried, but… in the end, she submitted her resignation and quit. No matter how much we tried to stop her, Vivi seemed to have already left this place in her heart.”

Feeling sorry, Webley shared the situation with someone else. Her words burned Costance’s insides black.

He quickly calculated the dates. If Webley’s words were true, this happened before Vivi broke up with him. Costance imagined Vivi suffering alone while he was away.

〈Thank you for everything until now, Sir.〉

Costance regretted it.

He should have held onto Vivi then.

Costance regretted and blamed himself.

He shouldn’t have stayed still then.

Costance remembered Vivi pushing him away with tears. Her words and gestures felt more heartless than ever. He had once wondered how Vivi could be so cold.

But was that… truly a heartless action?

Could he really call the trembling Vivi then heartless?

Costance’s thoughts weren’t long.

“I’ll visit again later.”

“What? Hold on… Sir!”

Costance’s feet headed straight to Vivi’s house.

He fiddled with the key he always carried. It was the key Vivi had given him. After they had shared their bodies, she shyly handed him this key, embarrassed.

〈…It’s the key to my house. You gave me your key too, Sir.〉

That day, Costance felt like he had the whole world. He had never been so happy over a single key.

Costance calmed his heart only after showering Vivi’s face with kisses. He always carried the key with him.

Costance reached Vivi’s house in no time. He hesitated much to come here.

He should have come to hold her sooner. Costance climbed the stairs with the key in his hand. His once hardened heart beat faster than breathing. Costance exhaled and focused on the sounds, smells, and sensations around him.

There, he persistently searched for traces of Vivi.

Vivi’s scent, Vivi’s voice, or anything related to Vivi.

“……”

But he couldn’t find it. Everything was the same as before except for Vivi’s absence. Costance grew increasingly anxious.

He arrived at the door. Costance stared blankly at the spot where a flowerpot used to be and rang the doorbell.

“……”

There was no response from inside.

He rang the doorbell again.

“……”

Again, there was no response.

“Vivi.”

“……”

“…Excuse me, Vivi.”

Costance inserted the key into the doorknob cautiously.

With the stiffly turning key, the locked doorknob loosened. He opened the door and found an empty house inside.

“……”

Not a single piece of furniture.

It was truly an empty house.

Sir Costance’s heart plummeted. Misfortune had finally become reality.