105. You Must Not Love Me
“Klavdia is getting married next month.”
This was why Oksana visited Nikolai.
The expenses for the Grand Duke’s children’s marriages required the Grand Duke’s approval.
Since father Yuri had passed away, her brother Nikolai would need to stamp the documents for Klavdia’s dowry and other expenses.
His sister’s marriage had been arranged secretly while he was in the South.
In the end, Nikolai wasn’t the only one who had been backstabbed.
When Boris informed him of his sister’s marriage just before Oksana arrived, he couldn’t even manage a bitter laugh.
Klavdia’s marriage partner was, of course, from one of Oksana’s factions.
Though prestigious, it wasn’t a powerful family.
Even though Oksana pretended to cherish her stepdaughter like her own child, her true colors showed in things like this.
Though Klavdia herself currently had no ambition for the position of Grand Duke, strictly speaking, she was second in line after Mikhail.
As the daughter of the first Grand Duchess Yevgenia and Ruslan’s sister, born before her other two siblings, some viewed her as the most legitimate candidate for ruler.
This fact must have been a thorn in Oksana’s side as she tried to make Mikhail the Grand Duke.
‘So she plans to eliminate any chance of her gaining power in advance.’
Her intentions were as transparent as clear stream water.
Though she had manipulated Klavdia to follow her well now, Oksana remained wary of her internally.
It would be troublesome if she turned around to form her own faction or perhaps joined hands with Nikolai.
She had cleverly and repeatedly reminded her that Nikolai was the true culprit who caused Ruslan’s death, driving a wedge between the siblings.
She had won over Ruslan’s wife, Lyudmila, in the same way.
She made them think she was their only support and confidant within the family.
“Is Sister marrying of her own will?”
Nikolai asked in a low voice.
Though his tone was polite, his stepmother noticed the thorns in his words.
“Of course. Why would Klavdia have an unwanted marriage?”
“I’m sure you introduced the best match, Mother. You’ve always cherished us like your own children.”
“Thank you for remembering that.”
“How could I forget? I’m always grateful.”
Nikolai had a personality that needed to repay debts exactly as he received them.
His principle was to return both favors and grudges.
He intended to repay Oksana’s favors as well.
It had taken quite long to gain the power to do so.
Just becoming Grand Duke didn’t mean he could strike at enemies immediately.
That would make him a tyrant acting without justification or legitimacy.
Moreover, his opponent was the former Grand Duchess whom boyars and common people alike praised for her virtue.
He couldn’t let her be revered as a saint even after death.
The day her mask fell before everyone would be the day of revenge Nikolai had dreamed of for so long.
“But wouldn’t a marriage for love be better? You would know, Mother. You married Father for love. Now that I’ve experienced it myself, I understand.”
“Are you saying you love that girl?”
“Enough to force the national ceremony even if I don’t get approval votes.”
“……”
“What’s wrong, Mother? Do you think I truly lack that power?”
Hostility underlay his gentle voice.
This was a warning.
Daring her to try to interfere.
Seeing Oksana’s lack of response, the corners of Nikolai’s lips slowly slid upward.
“I’m joking. Don’t be upset. How could I disregard the family’s elders?”
“Yes. I knew it was a joke. However……”
Having regained her composure, she paused briefly.
“It seems you don’t truly love that girl.”
“What do you mean?”
This time, Nikolai was the one who wavered.
“The prophecy given to the family. Have you already forgotten?”
His face hardened.
He couldn’t have forgotten.
No, he had never forgotten even once.
“Would she still want to marry you and build a family if she heard the prophecy?”
The prophecy given to former Grand Duke Yuri de Vasily 13 years ago.
This was why Nikolai had proposed a contract marriage ending in divorce after one year, even though he loved Katya.
When Yuri imprisoned Tatiana in Pavlovsk Monastery as a deposed Grand Duchess to make Oksana his new Grand Duchess, the Archbishop, then head of Hersen’s religious order, rushed to Hersen Palace in fury.
And delivered the will of the gods who were angered by his shameless act.
More precisely, it was a curse.
“Remember that the gods’ revenge awaits. You will become a madman who brings chaos to the country. And you will surely kill your child. Your son who inherited the tyrant’s blood will also stain his hands with his child’s blood. The smell of blood will not leave Hersen Palace for a while.”
Yuri de Vasily truly killed his eldest son Ruslan, as prophesied.
When Nikolai’s mentor died shortly after he left the tower and succeeded his father as Grand Duke, the family saw this as the birth of a mad tyrant.
According to the prophecy, the curse would end with the son’s generation.
This meant Nikolai was also destined to kill his child.
Only a select few boyars who were in the audience chamber when the Archbishop delivered the gods’ will knew the contents of this prophecy.
“As you know, I’m not allowed happiness like having a family.”
“Are you saying this because of the prophecy?”
Luka also knew about it, having heard from Nikolai before.
That’s why he couldn’t hide his shock at hearing news of his marriage.
“You truly love that woman.”
“She’s someone I can’t help but love.”
“Even though you’re getting married, will you still proceed with the plan? Perhaps you should stop now……”
“If I was going to stop, I wouldn’t have started in the first place. That’s the reason I’m still alive today.”
Nikolai planned to give Katya the position of ‘former Grand Duchess’ that would ensure no one could disrespect her again, then let her go.
The day he achieves his revenge against Oksana, Katya needed to be away from Hersen Palace.
He couldn’t put her in danger.
Though his love for his wife was always as deep and intense as the abyss, he couldn’t become a real family with her.
If he truly followed his father’s fate and became a madman, and ended up killing a child born between him and his beloved Katya with his own hands.
The thought alone was horrifying.
He didn’t want to give her the pain of losing a child, and he knew he couldn’t bear that agony himself either.
Even Yuri, who wasn’t of sound mind, wailed day and night for days after losing Ruslan and moaned for his son even while bedridden.
“What if I fall in love with the Grand Duke and don’t want to divorce after a year?”
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“I’m not a man worthy of your love.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t be a good husband or a good father.”
Even on the day she accepted his proposal, he couldn’t be purely happy.
From the moment he realized he had fallen in love with Katya, Nikolai had to suppress his desire to be loved by her.
A happy life of building an ordinary family, loving and being loved like others was a future not permitted to him.
“You’re not just marrying her because she’s a suitable woman to fill the spot beside you right now, are you?”
Oksana asked with a sardonic smile.
Nikolai didn’t mind her sneering and mocking him.
He could take anything from her.
“Maybe I am.”
As long as she didn’t touch Katya.
***
Shortly after Oksana left, Katya burst into the study with a loud clamor, panting heavily.
“Grand Duke! Huff huff……”
“What’s wrong?”
Nikolai approached her immediately with a startled face at her sudden entrance.
This was their first meeting since last night’s kiss.
As his face came close, Katya unconsciously blushed.
Her heart beat wildly enough to make her chest ache.
She felt her heartbeat traveling through her blood vessels to her ears.
The sound of her heartbeat felt so loud she worried he might hear it.
“It’s not something to worry about that much……”
At those words, Nikolai let out a relieved sigh.
“You scared me. I thought something serious had happened.”
Come to think of it, it was serious.
It was a crucial moment to confess her feelings to him.
“Why did you run all the way here? What if you had fallen?”
Nikolai, who only worried about her even at this moment—
“I love you.”
“……What?”
“I’ve fallen in love with you, Grand Duke.”
Nikolai’s face showed complete shock.
“No, I’ve been in love with you. I realized my feelings in the South, but I couldn’t say it until now because of circumstances.”
“……”
“I realized today. I don’t want to part from you. I want to stay by your side forever. No circumstance is more important than my love for you.”
“Tia, wait……”
“So I want to pretend our contract never existed.”
“What?”
“I can’t divorce. I won’t.”
Katya gathered her courage and confessed.
When they already loved each other, it was time to break the contract that existed in name only.
“Listen to me for a moment.”
Nikolai said, grabbing both her shoulders.
“Yes. I’ll listen.”
“You must not love me.”
How cruel could fate be.
Even in this moment when his love said she wouldn’t leave him, Nikolai couldn’t fully enjoy this joy and happiness.
