I arranged the scattered pillows side by side. I shook out and spread the crumpled blanket. I didn’t forget to stir the potpourri under the pillow to release its fragrance better.

“There, you can lie down now.”

I could feel Rashid staring at me in the darkness.

“Why?”

“……”

What’s the problem now?

“It’s nothing.”

He shook his head and got under the covers first. What’s with that anticlimactic response?

I lifted the blanket slightly to follow him and lie down. And now I need to get in there….

‘Ah, this feels somewhat embarrassing.’

Actually lying down next to him was more than a little awkward. One blanket, one bed. Isn’t this, well, you know.

Even without that kind of purpose or intention, it’s still a bit…. No, come to think of it, didn’t Rashid tell me before that he was ‘holding back’? Is it okay to lie in the same bed like this?

“……Alisa.”

Noticing my hesitation, he called my name. Ah, whatever. It’s not like anything will happen, right? I slowly got under the covers. The down-filled blanket was warm and fluffy.

“There. Do you feel better now that I’m beside you?”

“I suppose so.”

“That’s good. Now don’t worry and go to sleep.”

I tried to reassure him.

Silence fell. Though sleep still wouldn’t come, I kept my eyes closed and stayed still. It seemed better in many ways to just do that.

But Rashid must not have been able to sleep either, as he spoke again.

“Alisa.”

“……”

“Are you asleep?”

“Yes.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am sleeping.”

A low laugh spread through the air. I ended up smiling too. After a moment of silence, he spoke.

“Aren’t you afraid of me?”

He asked the same question as Anna. What’s this, did they decide today was the day for such questions? Did they decide without me?

“No. Why would I be afraid of you?”

I answered naturally. The answer came very easily and quickly.

“Other people seem to think so.”

“How would you know?”

“……”

“That’s because you hide your true self. You’re actually very mischievous and playful.”

“You’re probably the only one who thinks that.”

“Maybe I’m the only one who knows how to see people properly?”

He chuckled. I giggled too.

“Why aren’t you sleeping? Can’t fall asleep?”

“I suppose. Why were you awake?”

“I woke up because of you, remember?”

He lay on his side and looked at me. When I glanced over, Rashid was propped up on his arm, smiling at me. Hmm, handsome. I slightly tilted my body towards him while having this now somewhat mundane observation.

“What kind of dream made you so distressed?”

“……”

Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have asked about that.

Just as I was thinking I shouldn’t have asked, he answered,

“A dream of the past.”

“……”

“When I was young. Dreams of when I lived here.”

Those could have been nightmares for him. His childhood, his daily life here, for Rashid.

Thinking about that, my heart sank.

Should I comfort him, or what should I say? While I was trying to figure out what to say next, Rashid spoke first.

“What was your childhood like?”

“I……”

“Who stayed by your side when you went to sleep?”

At his question, I fell into thought for a moment.

So, Alisa… No, not Alisa but I….

Alisa and I seemed different yet had many similarities. Both our nights in childhood were marked by loneliness. The solitude we learned early on had already become part of our lives.

Alisa fell asleep longing for her mother’s warmth, and I fell asleep waiting for my mother who worked late into the night. My father’s absence demanded early maturity from me, and Alisa learned to be silent watching her father’s back.

Though the circumstances were slightly different, fundamentally we felt the same emotions. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been able to live relatively well even after becoming Alisa. Because though her inner self was different from mine, it wasn’t so different.

“I don’t think anyone was there.”

“……”

“I always fell asleep waiting for someone who wouldn’t come home early.”

“……I see.”

That’s right. Days that weren’t unhappy but weren’t happy either.

“Were you lonely?”

He asked.

“I wonder……”

“What about now?”

“What?”

“How is it now?”

That too, I wonder….

As I was thinking about the answer, strangely my eyelids grew heavy. Blink, blink. My eyes gradually opened and closed more slowly.

“I’m getting sleepy now……”

“I see.”

He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me towards him. The warmth I felt was cozy, and because I was so sleepy, I just left it as it was. It was purely because I was sleepy.

As I closed my eyes, a light and soft sensation brushed across my lips and passed by.

“Sleep well.”

A lovely voice bid farewell to me as I drifted off to sleep.

Lovely, I say.

I must be crazy.

But before I could berate myself for long, I drifted right off to sleep.

* * *

Chirp chirp, a bird sang cheerfully. I woke up to the tickling sound in my ears. The light shining through the curtains was bright. It was morning.

As I tried to get up from bed while rubbing my sleepy eyes, my body was suddenly caught. Looking down, Rashid’s arm was wrapped around my waist. His large body enveloped me from behind.

‘Ah……”

How did we end up in this position? While trying to calm my startled heart, I tried to push his arm away. But it was useless. His arm, built with thick bones and solid muscle, only held me tighter.

“Rashid.”

There was no response. I let out a short sigh.

“Wake up.”

“……”

“I said wake up.”

If you don’t want to get up, at least let me get up!

After shaking his body several times, Rashid slowly opened his eyes.

He blinked slowly, and instead of letting me go, he pulled me in even closer.

“No, let go. We need to get up.”

“It’s fine.”

No it’s not fine, you human.

Only after quite a struggle did I manage to get up from the bed. He reluctantly let me go, and I quickly slipped through the connecting door between the rooms.

“See you later then.”

Back in my bedroom, I pulled the bell rope and Macy came in. She diligently prepared the morning as she always did. I washed with warm water and changed clothes.

When I went down to the dining room for breakfast, Rashid was already seated as usual. For all that dawdling, he got here quickly. I naturally took my seat.

“Did you sleep well?”

I greeted him casually.

I had instructed them the night before that I wanted a light breakfast. Sion and other servants brought out fresh dishes. I woke up my stomach with a spoonful of cool yogurt. Ah, that’s nice.

As I was almost finished with the yogurt, Rashid, who had been quiet until then, spoke up.

“Alisa.”

“Yes?”

“……I’m sorry.”

It was an apology. Somehow he looked a bit embarrassed. Others might think ‘Where does he look embarrassed?’ but I know better now.

“For what?”

“……For disturbing your sleep.”

At that moment, Sion’s arm briefly stiffened as he was serving a plate. Like a professional, Sion withdrew his arm trying his best not to show it. Though I noticed everything, his effort was commendable.

Yes, I suppose it could sound a bit ambiguous. Though it’s not what Sion is imagining.

“It’s fine. As long as you slept well, that’s all that matters.”

“……”

As I said this, I bit into a cherry. The red, tart flesh moistened my mouth.

“Really.”

I truly meant it.

* * *

The day passed quickly.

While Rashid trained the army, I embroidered handkerchiefs. It was meant to be a charm given to wish for the safety and success of a departing lover. Anna had told me it was a Camelli tradition.

The story went that if a departing soldier didn’t have a charm, they might get hurt or never return home for lack of divine protection. Though I thought it nonsense, given the subject matter, I couldn’t help but pay attention to it.

The fire in the fireplace crackled as it rose. I sat in the chair, moving the needle bit by bit.

I was worried since I’d never done this before, but fortunately, Alisa, who had received lady’s education since childhood, was quite good at embroidery. As I threaded according to the skill ingrained in the body, a decent picture soon began to form on the white background.

Though I wasn’t particularly interested in such static hobbies that involved sitting still, I had no choice in the matter.

“You’re so skilled with your hands, my lady!”

Anna, who didn’t know my true feelings, showered me with praise. I smiled wryly as I worked. Rashid would soon depart to inspect the territory. I had no time to rest if I wanted to finish before then.

“Are there more traditions like this in Camelli?”

“Yes, there are several.”

“What kind are there? It would be good to know in advance if there’s anything we need to prepare.”

Better to know ahead than to rush to prepare like now. Though I wonder how many more things there will be to prepare.

“Oh, there’s something you absolutely must know!”

Anna exclaimed excitedly.

“When a child is born, you make a ring in advance and give it to them on their coming-of-age day! It’s meant as a wish for them to grow up healthy until then!”

“Is this really something I must know?”

“Of course! You’ll need the young master’s ring soon!”

“What?”

When I narrowed my eyes, Anna added,

“Ah! And the young lady’s ring too!”

Though she answered enthusiastically, it was a misguided addition.

Young master and young lady, what nonsense. Really, I hear all sorts of things. Finding it not even worth responding to, I kept my mouth shut and moved my hands quickly.

Then Macy, who was beside me, asked,

“My lady, perhaps there are customs you observed in your homeland? I was wondering if we might observe those as well.”