“Who?”

It was an unexpected question. I fell into thought for a moment while stroking his back.

“My mother who tried to kill me while calling me a monster?”

“Rashid.”

“Or my brother who saw his sibling who gained Dragon’s Strength as a terrible usurper?”

“……”

“Or perhaps my sister who was swept along with their words?”

Rashid’s tone was calm. Like stating well-known facts, his voice was as usual.

His anger was like a rock weathered by time, worn down. Yet that rock always remains in his heart. Even after thousands and tens of thousands of nights, the rock may turn to sand but can never completely hide its form from the world.

Just as scars form over wounds to make us remember the past, once something is broken, it can never return to its original state. Never, ever again.

I’m glad Alisa didn’t die. That I came to be by Rashid’s side. For the first time, I thought this way.

I had only thought my existence was a foreign substance that disrupted his predetermined fate. I thought I was just an obstacle to him becoming the male protagonist who should overcome Alisa’s death and be wounded in love.

That fact remains unchanged.

However, at least the current Rashid didn’t have to experience another kind of loss.

Isn’t that enough?

I don’t want Rashid to be hurt anymore. Even if his pain is the will of fate that constructs this world, I wanted to protect his heart, at least.

Even if this comfort is useless, I just… wanted to do this. At least until Priscilla appears. That would make my heart feel at ease.

‘About the divorce… let’s think about it slowly.’

I shouldn’t be hasty anymore. Now I felt that way. I no longer wanted to leave Rashid as if I’m running away.

I found him… lovely, as he docilely entrusted his body in my embrace and willingly showed his vulnerable side only to me.

I now acknowledge that I felt this way.

“Listen, Rashid.”

I whispered to him.

“I’m glad.”

Hearing my words, Rashid held me a little tighter.

“What happened to wanting a divorce?”

“That’s true.”

“And now?”

Now…

“Are you not thinking about it anymore?”

“…Someday, we’ll have to.”

I couldn’t answer no. That was a goal for both my sake and his. Even if my feelings for him had grown somewhat tender, that wouldn’t change. Though I wouldn’t immediately prepare divorce papers saying I changed my mind and want to divorce now, eventually it would come to that.

“So you’ll abandon me too in the end.”

You too.

My heart sank at those words. But I’m different. A little different. You’ll come to think my decision was for the best later.

“It’s different.”

“What’s different?”

When I denied it as if protesting, he asked back.

How should I answer? I can’t exactly say ‘it’s different because I’m not trying to kill you.’

While I was hesitating, Rashid spoke first.

“Never mind.”

“Rashid.”

He wrapped his arms around me. The strong embrace, as if not wanting to let go, took my breath away in various ways.

“Stay by my side, Alisa.”

I couldn’t say anything more to him. My heart melts into water. Afraid that water might leak out, I just blinked quietly.

Then he spoke again.

“Until I fall asleep.”

“…Yes, until you fall asleep.”

That night, I only tried to sleep after confirming that Rashid had fallen asleep safely.

* * *

I opened my eyes in the dim darkness. How long had I slept? The room was still dark as morning hadn’t come yet.

Rashid’s face was right in front of me. Closed eyes, slow breathing. His sleeping face, unlike his fearsome reputation, seemed completely harmless. Watching him like this somehow made me feel peaceful.

I gently stroked his eyelids. As I slowly caressed from the inner corner to the outer corner of his eyes as if savoring it, a strange satisfaction made me smile without realizing.

He’s hiding small moons in there.

And I’m an earthly being gazing at those moons.

I raised myself up, removing Rashid’s arm around my waist. Then he, who had apparently woken up, swiftly caught me.

“Where are you going?”

Perhaps not fully awake yet, sleepiness lingered in Rashid’s half-closed eyes.

I softly stroked his forehead, soothing him.

“I’m going to look out the window. Keep sleeping.”

At my words, Rashid blinked his drowsy eyes a few times before falling back to sleep.

When I drew back the curtains at the window, outside was a snow-covered landscape. As if trying to erase all the impurities in the world with white, the snow kept falling heavily again and again.

‘So that’s why it was dark.’

The sun was hidden behind snow clouds, making the light dull. Because of this, the world was dim like night despite it being morning.

It was while I was looking out the window like this—

“It’s snowing.”

Rashid, who had somehow approached behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist. I placed my hands over his.

“Yes, and because of it, the sun isn’t coming in.”

“I won’t be able to do anything like this.”

“You can turn on the lights in your office.”

“I can’t see the letters by candlelight.”

“There must be magical lamps too.”

“No, it’s the same.”

His childlike complaints kept making me laugh. There are probably very few people in the world who have seen and experienced the Duke of Camellia Penvernon acting so innocently. At this moment, perhaps I’m the only one.

“Then take a break today.”

“…Alisa.”

“Yes?”

“Is this the wound you got in Elzedun?”

Rashid answered my suggestion with a completely different question. His cool voice bringing up an unexpected topic made me snap to attention. He must have seen the scars remaining on my back and shoulders. I had overlooked the round neckline of the chemise dress I wore as sleepwear.

I hadn’t thought about trying to hide it, or rather, I had never even considered that I should hide it. Since we had kept our distance for several days after Rashid’s return, I hadn’t given it any thought at all.

Besides, hadn’t it already healed? Though scars remained, I thought it would be fine since they were on my back anyway.

“This was already there.”

“Alisa.”

Though I thought I answered naturally, he called my name with a frown. He was urging me to tell the truth.

I see lies don’t work after all. I let out a short sigh.

“Yes, you’re right. It’s from when I was hurt then.”

“There are scars, and you said this was nothing?”

His voice, which had already been low enough to scrape the floor, hit rock bottom.

“It’s just a cut and it’s all healed now……”

I glanced at him cautiously. Being held from behind, I couldn’t see his face which was frustrating. Just when I wished he would say something, I also feared what he might say.

But Rashid didn’t answer with words. He immediately pulled down the neckline of my dress. The wind fluttered inside the loose chemise.

“Eek!”

When I tried to turn around in surprise, he grabbed my shoulders to keep me from moving.

“Ah!”

The doctor was wrong about there being no aftereffects. Or perhaps Rashid’s grip was too strong.

When I curled up in pain, Rashid hugged me, flustered, trying to soothe me.

“Are you alright?”

“Ugh… just startled for a moment. It’s nothing.”

He gently stroked my head. It was a slow motion like he’s trying to reassure me.

“It still hurts. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“There wasn’t really a need to……”

“No need?”

My shoulders instinctively hunched. I felt slightly intimidated, as if being reproached by him.

“Let me see.”

“What?”

“I need to see how it is.”

“I told you. I received treatment. It’s almost healed……”

“Now.”

He seemed determined not to back down no matter what I said.

But then I would have to show my entire back. It wasn’t just arms or face, but rather intimate parts—it was difficult to comply readily with his demand to see them.

“Really now.”

When I hesitated reluctantly, Rashid sighed and held me tighter.

“Do I have to go crazy with worry before you’ll let me check?”

“W-wait a moment. My clothes are……”

Finally unable to resist his urging, after much deliberation I slowly unbuttoned the front of my chemise. Then gathering my hair forward, I pulled the top down slightly to better show my back.

“I can’t see well.”

“What? Ah……”

It seemed hard for him to see because I was shorter than him.

“Alisa, come here.”

Rashid pulled my hand and made me lie face down on the bed. After floundering for a moment, I hurriedly lay down at his continued urging.

Rashid said nothing. Which made my heart feel like it would burst even more. When he pulled down the dress covering my back to better observe the scars, I thought my heart would jump right out of my mouth.

“I-is this enough now?”

“Not yet. Stay still.”

When I tried to quickly adjust my position, he gently pressed on my back. It was a signal not to move.

I tried to turn my head slightly to look back at Rashid, but couldn’t see well. I just gently gripped the pillowcase.

「Rashid’s eyes wandered over the white back.」

Oh my god, at a moment like this?!