Chapter 1 (Part 5)

Cardin lay quietly on the bed, listening to the raindrops falling on the tin can. Drip, drip, drip. The regular sound was comforting. It seemed to somewhat neutralize the sound of water from the bathroom.

The scent of flesh that had stimulated him all day yesterday, the small sound of breathing, the eyes that seemed to widen in surprise, the slender arms and neck, and the waist that seemed like it could be wrapped with one arm. 

He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, which seemed about to collapse. A slightly protruding piece of wood caught his eye. He had only been closely observing to find out why Brienne had to be killed, but unexpectedly, he felt himself being drawn to her.

She seemed like someone who couldn’t even kill an ant, let alone a person, not bold enough to commit fraud, not sly enough to steal, and certainly not someone with a malicious nature. The more he thought about it, the more she seemed far removed from the paper that said ‘kill.’ 

Moreover, his father hated her uncharacteristically. Father. When talking about his father with Brienne, it was the first time he felt like he was communicating with a person. At Stern Academy, everyone praised his father as great and wonderful, which made him sick. Cardin recalled what Brienne had said, feeling relaxed.

“My father was only a hindrance in my life. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be living like this.”

He liked the look in her eyes when she said that. Even the small hand that slightly clenched. Hurrick. Brienne Hurrick. No matter how much he recalled, it was as if it was shrouded in mist. His heart was stirred, but no more memories surfaced. Hurrick.

‘If I just remember a little more, I feel like I can grasp something.’

The only person noticeable to Brienne was her father. Given how he hadn’t treated her well, the word ‘kill’ seemed to be for him.

‘What on earth did Hurrick do?’

Cardin narrowed his eyes as he looked at the piece of wood. It seemed like it would fall if touched. Just then, the sound of water stopped. The door creaked open, and careful footsteps were heard. Cardin closed his eyes and exhaled, feeling his throat dry already. Then a subtle floral scent mixed with herbs wafted through the air. As he opened his eyes, the dimly lit light went out. There was a rustling sound, but the bed didn’t sink. Cardin turned his body toward the floral scent. The rain made it hard to see, but her presence was remarkably noticeable. He focused on her breathing for a moment before slowly speaking.

“What did your father do?”

Brienne turned around. She seemed to hesitate as if startled. Perhaps because of the close distance. Cardin looked at Brienne with a leisurely smile. Her eyes seemed frozen, dazed. Her glass-like eyes were so stimulating that he almost wanted to make her cry from below. Moreover, the upper part of her chest was gathered under the thin dress, stirring something below. As the humid air surrounded them, his breath came out low. Cardin stared at her intently, waiting. Brienne neither backed away nor spoke readily. Her faintly spreading breath stimulated him. Cardin momentarily felt a sense of distance and spoke.

“Is it something I shouldn’t know?”

His voice was calmer than before. Brien swallowed slowly. She seemed to move her lips before speaking.

“He was a banker.”

A banker. Yet, he couldn’t remember. He looked at Brienne for a long time. The more he looked, the more desire rose within him. Cardin unconsciously moved toward her, but the surroundings flashed, and thunder roared. As he instinctively raised his head, the old piece of wood fell toward Brienne. Cardin hurriedly shielded her body. The wood thudded against his back. As he bowed his head from the heavy pain, their eyes met. Her large eyes seemed big enough to swallow him. Cardin exhaled slowly as he looked at Brienne.

“We saved each other.”

Brienne seemed to be in a daze for a moment before asking belatedly.

“…Are you okay?”

Cardin wasn’t in pain, but he slightly furrowed his eyebrows. Brienne widened her eyes and raised her hand. He naturally leaned his face against her hand. As her fingertips touched, Brienne seemed to flinch and drew her hand back. His gaze slanted toward her. He still felt the wariness that built a wall. He hadn’t found his memory yet, and it was too much to solve alone. Moreover, the heat that rose every time he saw Brienne was bothersome. It felt like he had some sort of relationship with her.

“Can you grant me a wish?”

“A wish?”

“So I can fill my memory.”

“……”

“I’ll do my best to help you here too.”

Brienne’s eyes wavered in the darkness as if they had lost their way. Cardin exhaled lowly and pulled his chin back.

“There seems to be a lot to fix here, or I can drive away dangerous animals or people bothering you.”

Fortunately, his hands that handled swords or axes were still fine.

“I’ll be quite useful.”

Brienne seemed to be contemplating as she exhaled. He looked at her calmly. She still didn’t speak. Cardin felt a strange impatience. Remembering what she had said before, he spoke.

“I’ll leave before I completely regain my memory.”

“……”

“As long as you help me.”

Only then did Brien speak.

“I won’t be much help to you. We weren’t that close at Stern Academy.”

Brienne didn’t make eye contact, as if she were lying. Cardin’s eyes glimmered as he spoke.

“It doesn’t matter.”

He wanted to know why something warm rose in his heart every time he saw her. Even if she spoke uncertainly, he wanted to stay by her side somehow. Brienne slowly met his eyes. Her eyes wavered faintly. Cardin smiled to reassure her.

“You’ll help, right?”

“…I’ll think about it.”

He was disappointed with that answer but didn’t show it. At least it wasn’t a refusal. Brienne blinked for a moment before cautiously asking.

“Are you really okay? You seemed pretty hurt earlier.”

Cardin chuckled and spoke softly near her ear.

“I’m fine.”

Then he lay down next to Brienne. The lingering heat still remained in his body. He said he was fine, but he wasn’t fine at all. He lay sideways, trying not to touch her. Before, it was okay even if her arm or breath slightly touched him, but now it isn’t okay. There seemed to be a limit to enduring it.

*   *   *

As soon as she woke up in the morning, she turned to the side. Cardin was sleeping on the edge of the bed, turned away.

‘Isn’t that uncomfortable?’

Worried, she looked at him, noticing his broad shoulders and long legs. The firm thigh that had pressed close yesterday seeped into her mind. She couldn’t readily answer him yesterday. In truth, it was best for her if Cardin didn’t fully regain his memory. It was selfish, but the past involving Cardin was filled with nothing but evil. Then Cardin turned over. His slightly disheveled black hair and handsome features caught her eye. Her hand moved with a strange feeling. Just as she was about to brush the hair off his forehead, she clasped her hand. 

Cardin would leave eventually, so she shouldn’t desire more. Resolving her thoughts, she got out of bed. She carefully went to the kitchen and opened the upper cabinet door. The hinge wobbled as it opened. It was unsettling, but there was no choice in the current situation. Looking inside, there were hardly any ingredients left. She had to go down to the village to sell herbs anyway. 

As she turned, her gaze habitually went to Cardin. At that moment, Cardin’s eyes twitched. She packed the dried herbs on the table and went outside. She didn’t take Viche with her when going to the village. There were many people, and Viche didn’t like it, and she had to pay to leave him at the stable. She was already living while paying off debts, so money was scarce. She had to save every penny, so she walked to the village. It was an hour’s distance, but since it was early morning, she would arrive before lunch.

*   *   *

Cardin slowly opened his eyes. It was quiet. When he turned to the side, Brienne was nowhere to be seen. He furrowed his eyebrows and got up. He opened the bathroom door, but it was empty. He immediately went outside. He looked around, went to the shed, and checked the stable. The gray donkey guarding the stable blinked and looked at him. He gave it some dry grass nearby and went outside. The sun was hot. Judging by what was missing from the house, it was the herb sack. The tools for gathering herbs were still in the shed. Sweat was already trickling down his forehead. Cardin irritably ran his hand through his hair and looked at the high sun. He was worried for no reason.

‘It’s such a hot day, did she take water?’

He immediately went to the kitchen, gathered some water, and headed toward the forest.