Chapter 4 (Part 5)

“H-how did you get here?”

Cardin stopped and looked down at her. His deep and calm gaze stirred something warm within her heart. Her heart raced. Even as he just looked at her, her hands were sweaty.

Then he smiled. He lifted the corners of his mouth and met her eyes with a relaxed gaze.

“This is the place where I met you. The place where we have memories.”

For a moment, she forgot. The fact that he remembered the past meant he also remembered the time they spent together. He didn’t seem like he would kill her right away.

As she looked at him with trembling eyes, Cardin took a step closer.

“Did you think I wouldn’t be able to find you?”

Cardin tilted his head slightly and met her eyes. Her heart jolted for a moment. He spoke while closely observing her nervous eyes.

“It was me who found you before, too.” 

“……”

“Brienne.”

As Cardin’s lips approached, the warm breath felt hot. Just like that summer. She quickly stepped aside.

She couldn’t return to that past anymore. She felt his gaze. She couldn’t lift her head due to guilt.

“I’m sorry.”

It was something she couldn’t say while looking at Cardin’s face, something she had left in a letter.

“What are you sorry for?”

The low voice dispersed coldly. Her heart thudded as if it would stop. As she was about to speak, Cardin came right in front of her. He approached closely, as if blocking her path, and said,

“Sorry for knowing about me and not telling me?”

As Cardin came closer, his firm thigh touched her leg. She flinched and looked at him as Cardin leaned forward and met her eyes.

“Sorry for what your father did?”

“Yes.”

Even though she spoke simply, her voice trembled. She couldn’t bear to look at his face, so she lowered her head. A low sigh spread warmly above her head.

“I told you it doesn’t matter.”

At that moment, a soft sensation touched her cheek. It was a large hand. She flinched and lifted her head to meet his vivid green eyes. Her heart fluttered.

She didn’t feel any killing intent or coldness that seemed like he would kill her. His gaze was similar to hers. As if he had been waiting for this moment, it was endlessly deep.

“I deceived you too.”

“……”

“My memory returned, but I pretended it hadn’t because I liked you too much and wanted to stay with you.”

She couldn’t speak, surprised by the unexpected truth. Cardin’s thumb gently brushed her cheek. Her heart felt warm and fluttered.

“You don’t need to feel guilty.”

His voice was quite firm. His gaze was endlessly straight, as if to dispel any other thoughts. She thought of her father and what he had done to his family. Even though she had cut ties with her father, her heart still felt heavy.

“Even though my father did such things to your bank…”

She wanted to ask if it was really okay. Cardin’s answer came faster. His breath spread over her lips as his lower body pressed closely.

“You said you didn’t like your father. I don’t think it’s your fault, so don’t feel sorry.”

The voice that reached her ears was soft. As if he was thinking only of her. Tears welled up. Cardin’s gaze deepened, and his lips touched hers. In the brief moment of contact, she grabbed his shoulder.

Cardin bit her lower lip deeply and pushed forward. He grabbed her wrist and wrapped it around his neck. In an instant, his breath came deeper, wrapping around the base of her tongue.

It was hot. The contact with his body and the clashing breaths seemed to create heat. Her back touched the wall. Cardin kissed her roughly. Between their slightly parted lips, hot breaths spread breathlessly.

She was gradually suffocating. An unrefined moan escaped between her lips.

“Mm, mm.”

Every time their lips met, his lower body touched her, sending a strange sensation up her spine. The thigh touching between her legs was firm. Her mind became increasingly hazy, and her legs lost strength. The unbearable heat clung to her entire body.

Cardin’s large hand pulled her waist tightly. As her lower belly touched, his firmness was particularly stimulating against her thigh.

In that moment, she grabbed Cardin’s shoulder. If this continued, she felt she couldn’t handle it anymore.

Sensing her desperate strength, Cardin slowly pulled back his lips. A wet sound echoed as they parted, and heavy breaths spread between them.

His eyes, hot and flushed, surrounded her. Her breath came out in gasps. Cardin slowly stroked her lower lip with his thumb.

“Come back with me.”

Her heart jolted for a moment. An unknown anxiety and fear surged all at once. She barely managed to speak.

“No.”

Cardin’s gaze hardened for a moment. Without meeting his eyes, she continued.

“I can’t go with you.”

“Why?”

His voice was low. It carried a chill like a winter breeze. It was heartbreaking to have to tell Cardin everything. She barely calmed her trembling heart and spoke.

“Even if you say it’s not my fault about my father’s actions, I still…”

“I told you it’s okay. I understand.”

“But still…”

“All I need is you.”

“……”

“So don’t think about anything else.”

For a moment, her heart felt at ease, but it was fleeting. This reality didn’t allow for that. There were too many things that held her back from not thinking about anything else.

“Brienne.”

His voice was gentle. Just like when she had heard it during that hot summer.

As if entranced, she looked up, and Cardin softly parted his lips.

“Come with me.”

His body, closely pressed, and his gentle breath enveloped her. She turned her head away.

“I’m sorry.”

The sweeter the dream, the sooner one should wake up and come to their senses. That way, it hurts less when one realizes reality. No, it was better not to have that dream at all. Because it leaves lingering feelings.

Just like when she experienced it with Cardin in the midsummer.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For not being able to go with you…”

“Not being able to go isn’t something to be sorry for.”

When she lifted her head at the cool voice, Cardin chuckled.

“You’re going to come with me anyway.”

“Cardin.”

Her voice trembled with surprise. His large hand gently cupped her cheek.

“Brienne, I’ve paid off all your debts.”

“……”

“You don’t have any debts to repay now.”

She was speechless. The filth her father had left behind. She thought she wouldn’t be able to repay it in her lifetime, yet he had paid it off. And it was Cardin who had done it.

“Is it really true?”

She couldn’t believe it. Cardin smiled and spoke.

“Yes.”

The words fell easily, almost too simply. It made her past life, struggling under the burden of debt, seem futile.

She looked at him blankly. Cardin met her eyes and said,

“Once your father is gone and you marry me, your name will change, and people won’t care about your family anymore. What are you sorry for?”

The mention of marriage made her heart twinge. Cardin continued in a gentle voice.

“Even though your father did such things, I love you. The past doesn’t matter at all.”

His gaze seemed to pierce through her. His emotions seemed more intense than before.

“When I let you go, the thing I regretted the most was that I couldn’t say this.”

“……”

“So, come with me.”

As she watched him silently, Cardin embraced her tightly.

“Please.”

His voice trembled slightly. 

If I went with Cardin, would everything be okay? Would the guilt and fear piled up like filth in my heart disappear?

While lost in thought, Cardin hugged her waist tightly.

“Think of it as repaying a debt to me.”

He exhaled on her neck and continued.

“Repay it by staying by my side.”

Cardin’s words were more urgent than before. He wrapped his arms around her waist and continued.

“If you can’t wash away your guilt completely, do it that way.”

“Cardin, that’s…”

“You said you were sorry.”

“……”

“You tried hard to repay the creditors with what little you had. Now, put that effort into me.”

The voice spreading in her ears was hotter than ever. An indescribable emotion welled up inside her, but she barely held it back and asked.

“How should I repay it?”

“Stay by my side.”

“……”

“Forever.”

She felt like she wanted to lean on him. Cardin was saying this much, and he had even paid off her debt. There was no way out by leaving Cardin.

He said he understood everything. Even the past.

Yet, she was afraid to rely on him. Cardin said to stay by his side forever, but her physical condition wasn’t suitable for that.

She spoke the words she had hidden from Cardin before, the words she couldn’t bring herself to say.

“I can’t have children.”