Chapter 9 (Part 8)

Cardin returned just before dinner. Brienne had been lying in bed all day, and he approached her bedside.

“I heard you didn’t eat lunch properly.”

Unable to meet his gaze, she turned away and lay on her side. Cardin lay beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. Startled, she pushed his arm away. Feeling the tension in her touch, his body stiffened slightly.

“Brienne.”

When she remained silent, he sat up in bed and pulled her into his arms. Suddenly, she was enveloped in his embrace, face-to-face with him.

As she tried to pull away, he tightened his hold on her waist, refusing to let go.

“You’re not feeling well. Why are you acting like this?”

“…….”

“Brienne.”

As she looked at him, tears threatened to fall, so she turned her head away. The photograph she had seen in the newspaper came to mind, along with Hernes’s words. It was a side of him she had never considered before, making it feel all the more unfamiliar.

“Is it because I’ve been busy?”

“No.”

“Then why won’t you look at me?”

His voice was gentle, so much so that it stirred something within her. His hand unconsciously gripped her leg tightly. When she winced in pain, she pushed his arm away.

“Cardin, let go first….”

“Sorry, did I hurt you?”

Cardin loosened his grip. Reluctantly, she looked at him, and he kissed her cheek with a smile.

“It’s all over with Mother. You won’t have to see her face again.”

When she didn’t respond and turned her head, Cardin lightly nibbled her earlobe.

“Did something bad happen today?”

His breath lingered softly by her ear. Before she could answer, he spoke again.

“Did you see the newspaper?”

His casual question felt like it pierced her heart. She answered honestly.

“Yes.”

Cardin slowly pulled back to look at her. His gaze was calmer than ever.

“My father ordered it. He told me to do it whenever I disobeyed or was overly kind to the servants.”

“…….”

“He said that as the head of the Messerode family, I shouldn’t harbor such feelings and must be resolute.”

Cardin paused before continuing in a quiet voice.

“It doesn’t bother me now. I just hate my father.”

He held her close, resting his head against her neck as he exhaled deeply. His breathing slowed, and he seemed to find peace.

“When you told me you hated my father, I felt like I’d finally found freedom.”

It was strange. Hernes’s words didn’t align with his. Brienne wanted to trust Cardin, but Hernes’s words lingered in her mind, leaving her uneasy.

Cardin watched her for a long moment before speaking.

“I heard you’ve been asking the maids about pregnancy lately.”

“…….”

“Brienne, it’s better if there are no more children in this family.”

“What do you mean?”

Her voice trembled involuntarily. Cardin gently stroked her hair as he spoke.

“There’s a hereditary disease in the Messerode family. If you take the medicine properly, you won’t need it after the age of twelve, but that medicine is poison.”

She couldn’t find the words to respond to something she was hearing for the first time. Cardin seemed to anticipate her reaction and continued calmly.

“It’s stored in a blue bottle, and the medicine itself is blue. When you take it, it’s so toxic that the first time you take it, you experience severe vomiting and dizziness.”

“…….”

“If you take small amounts regularly, your body adjusts, but it’s still poison, so you must always take the exact dose, and you have to take it consistently until you’re twelve.”

The story was so unfamiliar that she couldn’t figure out what to say. Her hands trembled in shock. Cardin gently took her hands in his. When she tried to pull away, he held them firmly.

“To ensure the poison is working properly in the body, they always coat a sword with it and duel.”

“…….”

“That’s why we don’t need children.”

Cardin spoke with a sense of conviction. The timing of his words felt strange.

“There was never any mention of this before.”

It was as if he was listing all the reasons why pregnancy was impossible, without hesitation. When she first heard about the pregnancy, she had been happy; now, it felt like she was a burden to him once again.

“You seemed quite fixated on pregnancy. I wanted to make things clear.”

In the end, it was meant for her sake, yet her heart sank coldly. What if she told him now that she was pregnant? The expectation had already shattered, and she no longer looked forward to his reaction. At that moment, Cardin stood up, holding her in his arms.

“You haven’t eaten dinner, right? Let’s eat together first….”

“I already had dinner.”

Cardin paused as he was about to leave the room. His gaze immediately fixed on her.

“I was hungry, so I ate first.”

Cardin silently stared at her. He didn’t seem strained at all from holding her, not even a slight movement. Even when she shifted slightly, he only tightened his grip on her thigh and didn’t let her down. Without looking at him, she spoke.

“I’m tired and want to rest.”

“The maid didn’t tell me you had dinner.”

“I didn’t order it; I ate on my own.”

“Brienne.”

His voice was unusually low, enough to make her flinch. She forced herself not to look at him as she spoke.

“Can’t I rest? I want to lie down in bed.”

For a moment, she felt his gaze on her before he gently laid her down on the bed. He even pulled the blanket over her, his breath brushing her forehead briefly before pulling away.

“I’ll call the doctor.”

“No, I just want to sleep.”

As she turned to lie on her side, he spoke.

“Did I do something wrong?”

His tone was calm yet cold. When she frowned, Cardin’s voice resonated lowly.

“Tell me. I’ll fix it somehow. If it’s about what happened with Mother….”

The words Cardin had spoken before lingered in her mind. Unconsciously, she opened her mouth.

“Cardin.”

The bed sank slightly. He must have sat down. Staring blankly, she spoke.

“Did you take that medicine too?”

“Yes.”

“Did it hurt a lot?”

“It was bearable.”

“…….”

“If you can’t endure it, you die.”

Gripping the blanket tightly, she exhaled with difficulty. Tears threatened to fall, but she bit her lip to hold them back. Cardin’s voice echoed quietly from behind her.

“My father made it that way too. Just as you saw in the newspaper—he locked me in the underground storage, beating me until I endured, until I obeyed him.”

Cardin spoke without hesitation, as if there was no need to hide anything anymore. A faint sigh escaped.

“Rest.”

The sound of slow footsteps echoed, followed by the door closing. At that moment, the tears she had held back fell. She felt that Cardin must have suffered greatly. Even if he had lied to her, there seemed to be a reason for it.

***

When she woke up in the morning, her head felt heavy. Her eyes were swollen from crying herself to sleep. A glance at the clock showed it was long past the usual time she and Cardin had breakfast together.

She pulled the servant bell belatedly. The maid entered and immediately spoke.

“Master left early after seeing you fall asleep, Madam.”

It weighed on her mind. Cardin must have had a hard time yesterday too. She had been so focused on herself that she hadn’t thought deeply about him. She unconsciously touched her stomach, prompting the maid to ask.

“Madam, are you feeling unwell?”

“No.”

“Then….”

“Could you prepare the carriage?”

“The carriage?”

“I want to go out for a bit.”

“Then I’ll accompany you along with a knight.”

“With a knight too?”

“It’s dangerous to go alone. Of course, I’ll go with you, but you never know what might happen.”

It felt awkward to go out with so many people since she used to go alone before.

“What’s the reason for your outing?”

The maid asked with genuine curiosity, her eyes sparkling.

“I’ve been cooped up in the mansion and feel stifled. I also need to buy something from the general store.”

“The general store?”

“I want to buy some pretty stationery.”

She couldn’t bring herself to say that she was pregnant. Instead, she wanted to write it on beautiful stationery and show it to him. After all, she needed to let him know somehow.

“Wouldn’t it be better to let me handle that for you, Madam? You’re not feeling well as it is.”

“I want to pick it out myself.”

Since it was for Cardin, she wanted to see and choose it with her own hands. The maid reluctantly nodded and asked.

“Shall we leave after you’ve had breakfast?”

She didn’t feel like eating, but she didn’t say anything, worried that Cardin might find out.