I wrestled with myself dozens of times a day, caught between wanting to tell him I loved him and thinking that I shouldn’t. If I confessed, Ian would certainly be happy, but honestly, I was afraid. What if, after confirming our love and finding happiness, I failed to awaken and died? What would he think as despair set in after such a brief happiness?

Would he doubt if I ever truly loved him? He had once told me to find someone else to love so I’d live even just one more day. I could end up shattering his last hope that love might keep me alive, leaving him in a fog of doubt and despair.

“We’re here.”

Ian’s words brought me back to reality. Through the carriage window, I saw the cathedral.

“It’s beautiful.”

The newly built cathedral wasn’t grand or imposing but rather charming and cozy. More touching than the building itself were the villagers at the entrance, showering it with flowers to welcome us. I waved to them, smiling, and felt a little excited by such a warm reception.

“How did they know we were coming?”

“Well, we did time our visit with the dedication ceremony.”

“Oh, right. Silly me.”

When I’d first heard they were grateful for the cathedral, I’d thought nothing of it, but I hadn’t expected so many people to come out and welcome us in person. As I stepped out of the carriage, cheers erupted. I waved to the crowd and took all the bouquets the children handed me.

“Duchess, please stay healthy.”

Even if it was just polite talk, it was heartwarming.

After the dedication ceremony and Mass, we attended a luncheon prepared by the church. When the meal ended, the bishop handed us a thick bundle of letters from the capital.

“In truth, His Majesty has asked me to try to persuade you…”

“To return to the capital?”

“Well, I heard him out, but honestly, I couldn’t quite catch what he was saying. My hearing is so poor these days, you see. And my memory, too, it’s getting foggy.”

I burst out laughing at the bishop’s sly humor.

“I’ll be leaving soon, but you two enjoy the festival. It seems the villagers have prepared a lot for you, Duchess.”

“Thank you. We will.”

Ian bowed in silence, which seemed enough for the bishop.

After bidding farewell to him at the village’s edge, Ian and I walked together toward the town square. Flower petals were scattered all along the path, making it feel like a wedding aisle. And somehow, the children followed us like little flower girls. A young girl spoke up.

“Duchess, where do you live?”

I hesitated. Typically, in response to this question, one would mention their estate’s manor, but I had never been there. And mentioning the house in the capital made it feel like I’d never return. Smiling, I gave a vague answer.

“I live very far from here.”

“Can’t you live in our village?”

“Would you like that if I did?”

“Yes! I could work as your maid.”

I chuckled at her bold offer. Whatever she took from my laughter, she started trying to persuade me.

“Our village is a nice place to live.”

Her words stirred something in me. It felt like an acknowledgment that I’d been doing well all this time. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I replied.

“Yeah, it seems like it.”

“If you won’t live here, will you visit often?”

It would be easy to answer “sure” as a polite promise, but somehow, I didn’t think lying would work with her. As expected, she was already pouting since I hadn’t replied right away.

“If you came more often, we could eat yummy things more often, too.”

I felt a bit guilty. We had never visited our lands due to being too busy, so there hadn’t been any special guests in the village. Most nobles visit their territories, buy goods, and do business, but we had done none of that, and the children likely felt disappointed. And with the excitement of this rare event in the village, it made sense they wanted us to come more often.

Instead of promising something I couldn’t keep, I offered a simple solution.

“How about we go eat something delicious right now?”

Ian and I led the children like a pair of pied pipers to the rectory where we were staying. The kids shouted to everyone they met, “The Duchess is giving us treats!” Soon, all the children in town flocked over. In the end, I ran out of snacks and had to borrow the kitchen.

“You’re going to bake cookies yourself?”

“Yes, it’s simpler than it seems.”

Ian, looking puzzled, followed me into the kitchen. I swear I didn’t mean to make him help, but somehow he ended up kneading dough with the kids. After buying up all the butter available in the village, even the adults peeked in to watch, but rather than being embarrassed, Ian seemed entirely focused.

“You’re doing really well for a first-timer.”

When I complimented Ian’s neatly cut cookie dough, the children joined in with exclamations of praise.

“This really looks like a bunny!”

“It’s better than mine.”

Encouraged, even the villagers began chattering.

“Look at that! The Duke’s good at making cookies too!”

Only then did Ian’s face turn a little red.

We left the baking to the experts, and when I came back to the room, exhaustion hit me, and I fell asleep. By the time I went down to the drawing room, the kitchen had brought out the cookies, now firm and cooled.

“The others have been packaged up, but these are the ones the Duke made himself.”

It was late for tea time, but it still seemed a good time for a snack. I took one of Ian’s adorable bunny-shaped cookies and bit into it with a strange feeling. I’d shown the children how to shape them into different forms, but I hadn’t expected Ian to take note and follow along. Surprisingly cute, really.

Suddenly, feeling a gaze, I looked up to find Ian staring at me. Or rather, at my lips as I bit into the cookie. Feeling a bit self-conscious, I quickly chewed and swallowed.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing, really.”

Ian’s face was now far redder than before. I found it oddly intriguing. It was curious that he was more embarrassed by this than by being watched by everyone.

“Just wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Back then, why did you send back the cake and cookies I made?”

Did I hit him with it too suddenly? Ian froze, unable to respond.

“I’m not asking to make a point; I’m genuinely curious.”

“…”

“If you don’t want to answer, it’s fine.”

The more I added to ease the pressure, the darker Ian’s face grew. After rubbing his face, he spoke in a low voice.

“I didn’t think I could ever repay you.”

I pondered over his words. Did he mean he couldn’t reciprocate my feelings? I had half-expected more explanation, but Ian sat there, silent like a chastised child. Ah, he really is unskilled in these things. If it were me, I’d seize this opportunity to force some sort of forgiveness out of him, but it was as though Ian had never even considered forgiveness.

“You have repaid me.”

“Pardon?”

Without answering, I ate the rest of the cookie. Then I picked up the bundle of letters the bishop had brought. My mother, mother-in-law, Benjamin, Celia, and many others had sent their concerns, worries, and updates. After reading through all the news, I sighed and said,

“The world’s changed a lot.”

“…”

“I never thought it would change so quickly.”

Looking at Ian, who was watching me nervously, I spoke gently.

“Seeing Isabella, Ellen, Greta, even Lady Avery becoming independent… it’s making me think. If I’d known the world would change this quickly, maybe I should have waited a bit longer myself.”

I glanced at Ian’s unsettled gaze and gave a bittersweet smile. Then, softly, I added,

“I’m sorry for using you.”

“Liv.”

“I’m sorry for binding you to my life just so I could escape my circumstances.”

I knew that saying this was selfish. Apologizing for marrying you—words like this would probably hurt you more. But if I didn’t apologize now, I’d regret it in my next life too.

“Liv, I…”

Ian bit back his words with a pained expression. Burying everything in the depths, he spoke calmly once more.

“If it weren’t for you, nothing would have changed.”

Surprised by his words, I looked at him. He wasn’t clinging to me or resenting me; instead, he started to persuade me.

“If you hadn’t married me, my mother would still be shut inside the mansion and wouldn’t have thought about business. Ellen wouldn’t have been able to show her talent, and Benjamin, if you hadn’t called him, would’ve either kept hiding his magic or left for Laran.”

I looked at him with a feeling I couldn’t quite describe.

“If Her Majesty or I had died in the wizard’s attack, Cade wouldn’t be as open to magic-users as he is now. Isabella, Professor Loren, and other wizards hidden in the shadows would have faced even harsher lives. Dame Greta and Lady Avery, too, wouldn’t have the opportunities they do now.”

At the end of his words, Ian closed his eyes.

“All of this was changed by you. The world didn’t just change on its own… You changed it all by marrying me.”

With a trembling voice, he added,

“So please, don’t regret it.”

“…”

“Don’t regret marrying me.”

I stood up and wrapped my arms around Ian’s bowed head.

“Let me do the regretting. Liv, you just…”

Ian choked back a sob. How long had it been since I’d last seen him cry like this? I held him close, gently patting his trembling shoulders, letting his tears soak through the thin muslin fabric to my skin beneath.