Chapter 26 – That Isn’t Love
“I know you acted coldly on purpose to make me want a divorce myself. At the time, the future seemed so uncertain that I just endured it. I wasn’t the only noblewoman living separately from her husband. It’s common…”
Ian bowed his head like a guilty child.
“But now, staying in this marriage feels even more daunting.”
No answer, no expression, no reaction—this was awkward. Unable to endure the silence, I continued explaining.
“Was it in the study…? Now I understand what you meant back then. Seeing His Majesty talk about daughters today, it seems it wasn’t a new issue. Experiencing it myself, I get it now.”
Ian had suffered a lot alone, and I hadn’t known. I felt sorry. After three years of marriage without a child, it made sense for people to be anxious, but no one ever said anything to me. Now I understood it was because Ian had locked himself in the prime minister’s residence, taking on the role of the villain so I could just play the poor victim.
I sighed deeply, and Ian flinched. But still, he said nothing.
“But now, everyone will want us to separate. As I said before, I can’t have children with this body. Even if I miraculously did, I’d likely die in childbirth. I…”
“I only need you.”
“….”
“I never wanted children anyway. If you don’t want to hear unpleasant things, you don’t have to engage in social activities. If you dislike people, we can live in the villa I mentioned, meeting only those we care about…”
“Then history will record me as the woman who ended the Keppel line. People who know me might think it would have been better if I’d died at that ball. But more than that, I just don’t want to live like that.”
Ian’s expression twisted in pain. Looking into his deeply troubled eyes, a strange thought occurred to me—this man seems to be drawn to pitiful women. I stopped pretending to be pitiable and smiled brightly.
“You’ll agree to it, right? You didn’t want a lawsuit in the first place; that’s why you waited for me to ask for the divorce. I don’t want to tarnish both families with a lawsuit either. I just want to leave quietly.”
Suddenly, Ian’s eyes changed.
“Leave?”
“Huh?”
“Where?”
Is that the issue now?
“I haven’t thought that far yet… but I plan to leave the capital.”
Why is he asking such obvious things? As I looked at him strangely, Ian spoke urgently.
“Do you dislike me now?”
“….What?”
“I know I acted foolishly. I’m sorry for making things hard for you. Can’t you forgive me just this once?”
“What…?”
“Olivia, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I realized too late… This is my true feeling.”
Then he knelt before me.
“I love you.”
Oh, thank goodness.
I can laugh. All those nights I worried about what I’d do if he confessed love to me weren’t wasted. It wasn’t as painful as I had imagined when lying in bed at night. Instead of crying or shouting as I had feared, I could smile calmly and speak.
“That’s not love, Ian.”
“….”
“You can’t call that love. There’s another name for it—guilt, responsibility, indebtedness… perhaps even pity.”
Ian remained kneeling before me, looking confused. Clearly, he hadn’t expected this reaction from me.
“You’re confused now, but it’s not love. I know. Ian, you’ll realize it later too.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Benjamin.”
“….”
“He grew up abused by his uncle. He acts as if he’d do anything for me because I treated and hid him a few times with divine power. Your eyes look just like his now.”
Ian looked frustrated but didn’t argue. He bit his lip as if holding back words, then suddenly grabbed my hand desperately.
“But I’ve never wanted to touch anyone else like this.”
What are you saying?
“I’ve always avoided even dancing or escorting other women out of courtesy, but with you… it was different. Liv, you’re the first woman I’ve wanted to hold. And you say this isn’t love?”
I asked incredulously.
“But you proposed to Celia, didn’t you?”
Ian’s expression hardened suddenly.
“How do you know that?”
Because I read the original story… But I couldn’t say that. While I was struggling to come up with an excuse, Ian seemed to have misunderstood on his own.
“Did Her Majesty the Empress tell you that?”
Ian seemed slightly angry. He spoke in a suddenly lowered voice.
“If you heard the story, you’d know. I never touched Her Majesty, not even once. I never even felt like it.”
“Then… why did you propose to her?”
“I thought it was better for Cade’s lineage to be taken in by me rather than end up on the streets. And since she already had a child, I didn’t think she’d pressure me to have more. I mistook my pity for her efforts to take care of her child as love.”
Ian spoke coldly, and something inside me felt like it was breaking. It was like… the feeling when your favorite character dies? Anyway, I was so shocked that my hands started to tremble, and my heart began pounding heavily.
“That’s… that’s a lie…”
“It’s not a lie. After you fell asleep, I promised myself every night that I wouldn’t tell you even the smallest lie. Liv, I…”
“But then why did you take a knife for Celia…?”
Ian sighed deeply, overwhelmed.
“Was I supposed to just stand by while an unarmed, pregnant woman was attacked right in front of me? Could you have done that? Liv, I would have protected her even if she were Lady Avery and not the Empress.”
I pulled my trembling hand away from Ian and clutched my chest. It suddenly hurt as if it were being squeezed. I thought it was because my favorite character had been denied.
“I… I can’t believe it. Yes, Celia never wore provocative clothes in front of you, right? That’s why.”
“…What are you talking about?”
Ian buried his face in his hands, looking as if he might cry. I grabbed my aching chest and argued.
“If you find another woman later, you’ll tell her I wasn’t love either, won’t you?”
Tears kept falling. I resented Ian. Why did my chest hurt so much?
“…Liv?”
At this rate, I might actually die…
“Liv! Get a hold of yourself. Liv!”
I fainted.
***
When I woke up, I was lying in bed again. I feared that several months had passed in the blink of an eye, but fortunately, it seemed not to be the case. I knew because… I was experiencing sleep paralysis again.
“When will she wake up this time…?”
“Maria, calm down.”
My mother-in-law seemed to be comforting my crying mother. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move a finger even though my mother was crying. Mom! I’m awake! I heard Eloise’s voice too.
“Thankfully, her magical power has calmed down quickly, so she should wake up soon. It seems like it’s just due to stress right now.”
Then my mother-in-law spoke in a cold voice.
“Ian, you need to get a grip and explain. What did you say to Liv to make her collapse again?”
“…”
“We need to know what happened to avoid it in the future.”
So Ian is here too. Benjamin must also be here because I heard his voice.
“His Majesty asked me about Liv’s condition today. Is it related to that? You dumped the explanation on me, so what did you say to Liv…?”
“Liv said she couldn’t have children and asked me to divorce her.”
“…What?”
…That’s not it? Well, it is, but I would have divorced you even without that? As soon as Ian finished speaking, my mother’s crying grew louder. I listened to the sobbing in the silence, wishing the sleep paralysis wouldn’t break.
“Let’s talk about the hopeful part first. There have been cases where non-awakened wizards conceived in a runaway state. The delivery involved cutting open the abdomen to take out the baby, but both the mother and child were safe.”
“Goddess…”
My mother-in-law seemed greatly shocked by Eloise’s explanation. There’s no concept of a cesarean section here.
“But the best method is for her to awaken. If she does, the rampant magical power will naturally disperse, and she’ll regain her health. I don’t understand why everyone is against it. It would be better to attempt awakening while I’m here.”
Benjamin sighed as he spoke.
“You keep leaving out that she could die.”
“She won’t live long like this anyway. If it gets dangerous, I can help as I did now. She’d want to try something rather than live dependent on drugs.”
Benjamin burst out angrily.
“This isn’t Laran, and Liv is different from the mad wizards there. She’s too scared to even look at someone else’s wound properly!”
“She used magic even in an unawakened state. She knows how to use it instinctively, so the chance of successful awakening is high. And the crazy one is you, daring to speak to me like that…”
“The chance is only about 20%! And if she dies? Will you take responsibility then?”
“Why should I? Each person makes their own choices and takes responsibility. You all treat her like a seven-year-old, under the excuse of being family.”
Eloise coldly retorted and slammed the door on her way out. I felt confused. I had heard about being a non-awakened wizard, but it was the first time I heard that I’d be healthier if I awakened. And it seemed everyone except me knew this. After a moment of silence, my mother spoke calmly.
“So… will you divorce her?”
“No.”
My chest tightened at Ian’s immediate response.
“I will take responsibility for her for the rest of my life.”
My mother said nothing to that.
Slowly, a sense of betrayal welled up.
Mother, you said you’d agree when I said I wanted a divorce. Did you think I’d forgive and love Ian again with time? Then why did you act like you understood…? Were you afraid I’d collapse again from the stress if you opposed it? This is driving me crazy.
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risy7787
FORGIVE THIS ONCE NAH I’D GRAB HIM BY THE HAIR AND MAKE HIM EXPLAIN TO ME how the accumulation of ALL his actions are supposed to be left alone after she forgives him once?? DIE TODAY IAN