Chapter 36 – I’d like to sing here.

Besides, she’s so greedy. The average daily wage for women working in factories is 1 lead. They have to endure 12 hours of hard labor just to earn that much, but to make 20 nips just by singing five songs in the evening is practically a stroke of luck. On top of that, I can’t even get a job at a factory with this pathetic body of mine, so it’s absurd to hear these healthy, able-bodied people complain that 20 nips isn’t enough.

I realized that my beer glass was empty. Well, then there’s no reason to stay here anymore. I staggered as I stood up. The fact that I was tipsy from just one beer made me realize that the reason I hadn’t felt intoxicated before was all thanks to divine power. Suddenly standing up, I confronted the two, who were staring at me with dumbfounded expressions.

“Why are you bad-mouthing Betty?”

“…What?”

“What did Betty do wrong that you’re talking about her behind her back?”

“Hey, you…”

The redhead, who had been raving excitedly, stammered, while the brown-haired one, who had quietly agreed until now, stared at me and said,

“Anne, don’t you think Betty is annoying too? Her voice isn’t better than yours, and her singing skills aren’t great either, but she’s being considered as the next prima donna, while you were excluded from this week’s performance.”

“That’s because I’m not in good shape and can’t dance. It’s because there’s no role I can fill. That’s my problem, not Betty’s fault.”

The redhead got worked up again and said,

“Hey, stop pretending to be so nice. It’s hilarious how you act all high and mighty when you don’t have anything.”

What kind of logic is that? Since when did acting nice become acting high and mighty just because you’re poor? I couldn’t understand it at all. If you’re struggling, shouldn’t you be more grateful to Betty for giving you work?

“We haven’t had any performances recently, so we’re already missing out on wages. If it weren’t for Betty today, you wouldn’t have even made 20 nips. You should be thankful. Why are you bad-mouthing her?”

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got, so I crossed my arms and confronted them. The redhead, looking incredulous, said,

“Wow, we’ve got a real handmaiden here. What exactly did I say that was so bad?”

“You think it’s not an insult just because you didn’t use curse words?”

“What…? Are you really going to act all superior just because you can read?”

Earlier, they claimed not to know my name, yet now they knew I could read.

“If you’re jealous, learn. If you can’t even read a script, you’ll be stuck doing bit parts forever. What have you been doing all this time instead of learning? The church offers free lessons.”

“Hey! Who has time for that? You don’t have any family to take care of, so all you have to do is look after yourself. That’s why you can afford to say such privileged things. If I had abandoned my family and ran away like you, I could have done whatever I wanted too!”

What nonsense is this? I asked, completely baffled.

“Who said that? That I ran away from my family?”

“Betty did!”

I clutched my dizzy head and tried to recall if I had ever told Betty about my past. No matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t remember. Betty once asked me where I used to live, and I vaguely mentioned that I came from a southern rural area, but I never made up any detailed story. I’m living as Isabella’s true self now. But technically, it’s true that I ran away from home without my family knowing.

“Anyway, don’t bad-mouth Betty. I don’t want to work with people who talk behind their friends’ backs.”

“What? You little…”

“Forget it. Just let her go.”

Fine, I’m leaving. I was already planning to return before the streetlights went out. I stumbled out of the pub. The night air was cold. I had been putting it off, but now I really thought I needed to buy a coat. After returning to my lodging, I washed the stage costume I had secretly worn out. By the time I finished doing the laundry, the alcohol had worn off, but I was so exhausted that I fell into a deep sleep.

Ugh, I should never drink again. The next morning, I was shocked by how cursed my body was, as I was experiencing a hangover from just one glass of beer. In this world, even children drink alcohol. Since alcohol is cleaner than water, beer is treated as nothing more than water, so getting drunk on just one glass was slightly humiliating. When I had divine power, even rum didn’t affect me.

As always, when I woke up in the morning, I habitually checked the secret pocket I had sewn into the lining of my old clothes. Inside were money, Walter’s letter, Benjamin’s necklace, the witness statement from my mother-in-law, and the widow’s estate deed I had received from the bank. I took each item out to make sure they were still there. Every time I looked at the principal amount of 60,000 leads written on the widow’s fund, I felt a strange sensation.

“Ian… why….”

Why didn’t he tell me? Typically, a widow’s estate is set at one-tenth of the dowry. Since I came into the marriage without a dowry, it was natural that I didn’t have a widow’s estate.

Although there was a clause in the marriage contract that allowed for additional contributions from property acquired after marriage, it was more of a formality, and such contributions were rare in practice. Yet Ian had contributed his entire annual salary of 20,000 leads as Prime Minister for three years to my widow’s fund.

“If I had known this, I might have just let him die.”

I gave a bitter smile. If I had known I had a widow’s fund, I wouldn’t have considered dying in Ian’s place at the New Year’s Ball.

I would have just prayed for Ian’s soul. Even husbands known for being devoted only deposit large sums into their widow’s fund before their death.

My father was also a devoted husband, but since he didn’t know he was going to die and passed away unexpectedly, my mother was left with only the 800 leads per year that came from the 20,000 leads principal promised in the marriage contract.

When drafting a marriage contract, women generally don’t demand more than one-tenth of the dowry as a widow’s fund. It was a customary practice. In the past, the widow’s fund was often set at more than one-third of the dowry, but as women began to murder their husbands to claim the fund, the custom changed. Women who covet the widow’s fund are bound to be misunderstood, so I never once brought up the subject of the widow’s fund in front of Ian.

Did Ian keep it from me for the same reason? Was he afraid I’d kill him? But if that were the case, he wouldn’t have needed to deposit any money at all, so why bother with such a large sum and then worry unnecessarily?

Besides, with Ian’s skills, I doubt he ever feared being killed by me. I don’t know. It’s no longer my concern. What’s the point of thinking about it? I carefully placed everything back inside the lining of my old clothes and left the boarding house. As soon as I arrived at the opera house, the director summoned me.

“Why did you take the maid’s dress? Were you trying to get a job as a maid?”

“No, director. I accidentally soiled it while cleaning, so I washed it to return it. I’m sorry.”

I bowed my head deeply. The director clicked his tongue in disapproval. Just my luck. It seemed Betty and the other two returned their clothes properly since the director only questioned me about the missing dress.

I should have just returned it without washing it. The director seemed to believe my story, perhaps because I’d helped him with paperwork a few times due to my literacy, and he told me to go on.

Up until then, I thought it was just bad luck that I got caught, but when I saw Betty’s hesitant expression when I asked her if we were still working at the pub tonight, I realized it wasn’t.

“You said you didn’t want to work with those girls, right? So I found someone else. I’m sorry, Anne.”

D*mn those girls. I hesitated, wondering if I should tell Betty that they had bad-mouthed her behind her back. Would Betty believe the words of someone she’d only known for three months?

Besides, I couldn’t bring myself to repeat the things they said. It would definitely hurt Betty if she knew. I saw the three of them preparing for the performance in the distance.

The girl who replaced me was someone who had been excluded from the performances for two months due to an injury, and she seemed to need the job more than I did. I sighed and quietly nodded. Betty gave me an apologetic smile.

“You’re a good singer, too. If you keep looking, you’ll find a good spot.”

Encouraged by Betty’s words, I decided to try. I would look for a place where I could sing for myself. There are few performances at the opera house in winter. If I don’t have a role, even a minor one, I won’t get paid, so I needed to find another job. But finding other work wasn’t easy.

I was fired from factory work after collapsing in just two hours, and when I tried to find transcription or copywriting jobs like I did in the countryside, there were so many applicants that I never got a chance.

Odd jobs like sewing or laundry were also impossible to find in the capital, as there were specialized companies for those tasks, making it feel like there were even fewer opportunities than when I lived in the countryside.

I began to wonder if, in the countryside, people had taken pity on me because I was a fallen noble, and that’s why they went out of their way to help. I went from pub to pub, knocking on doors, but was met with cold rejections.

“Our place only hires popular singers.”

“You’re too ugly, miss. No matter how well you sing, if you’re ugly, you won’t be popular.”

“Sorry, but try somewhere else.”

Isabella, I think I understand now why you wished so desperately to be beautiful. This miserable obsession with looks. I sighed. At this rate, I’ll spend all my remaining money just to get through the winter.

Whenever I felt the pinch, I regretted giving Isabella the annuity certificate.

But if I hadn’t paid that price, I wouldn’t have gotten this necklace. At least I still had 1,000 leads in the secret vault, so I could use that if things got tough… If Ian intended to find me, he might ask the banker, Earl Goldman, to inform him if I visited, which could lead to Isabella being caught.

But knowing this, Isabella still took the certificate. She must be confident in herself. I tried to ignore the worry and guilt and went back to the old, rundown pub I visited last night.

This was my last hope. I approached the surly-looking pub owner, who didn’t even glance in my direction. With his rough appearance and the large scar on his face, he looked more like a bandit or the leader of a gang than a pub owner. I swallowed hard and gathered the courage to speak.

“Excuse me… I’d like to sing here.”