Chapter 5 – You’re a good person

“Ian!”

Ophelia cheerfully extended her hand. Ian, who had hesitated earlier, now kissed her hand and greeted her with a warm smile.

“You’ve grown so much, Your Highness.”

“Thank you for coming today. Let’s have tea and pick out the outfits together!”

Ophelia beamed. Seeing Ian ignore me made my mind go blank. What should I do?

“Ian, look at this. I drew it myself.”

“You did well.”

“Is that all? What do you think of this dress?”

“It seems fitting.”

“Really? But Lady Keppel said it’s not suitable for a debut…”

“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event. You should choose what you want.”

“Should I?”

…I don’t want her to wear it. But I could only smile. How could I voice my opinion in front of someone with real power? Ian was clearly trying to expedite the process.

Ophelia chose fabrics, lace, ribbons, headpieces, and shoes, mostly from her initial selections. His intent to finish quickly was evident. After finalizing the design, Ophelia turned to me.

“Since I’ll be wearing white, you must wear gold. Like the sun and the moon. It’s a must! Gold will look wonderful with your brown hair and green eyes. And Ian has blonde hair, too. Understood?”

Do I have a choice?

“Understood, Your Highness.”

Contrary to my expectation of the tea time extending to dinner, the preparation for the debutante attire was over in less than two hours. Thanks to Ian. Of course, this wasn’t the end. The ball, lasting until dawn, typically involved multiple outfit changes. But beyond the first dress, we could freely express our individual styles without coordinating with the chaperone.

Ophelia thanked us and kissed both our cheeks before calling for a carriage. Noble carriages couldn’t enter the palace grounds without permission, so the royal family would send carriages for their guests and provide a ride back.

Ian sighed deeply as we boarded the carriage. Clearly for my benefit. Feeling gloomy, I tried to focus on the view outside, avoiding his piercing gaze. It was a rare chance to see him up close, but I couldn’t even look at him freely. Ian asked in an accusing tone,

“Why did you take on the chaperone role?”

“Her Majesty requested it.”

“And today?”

“I had no idea Her Highness would call for me.”

“I see.”

Ian said no more, but I knew he didn’t believe me. I felt a bit resentful. It was true…

Ian hadn’t always been so cold. Though he never spent the night with me after our wedding night, he tried to present a united front in public. At events, he would converse and dance with me. At least, in front of others.

About a year into our marriage, he started to see me as part of the family, asking about my well-being and even thanking me for taking care of his mother. I thought he was beginning to care for me. Maybe that’s why I felt excited, though I shouldn’t have.

I didn’t want Ian to see me as a woman. I was just happy to be acknowledged by Adriana, my mother-in-law, and thought it was my duty as his wife to look after his needs. So, on his birthday, I baked a cake and sent it to his office, along with cookies for his staff. It felt a bit like offering tribute to my favorite character…

Why did I do that? It was over the top. When the cake and cookies were returned untouched, I realized I had crossed a line.

No matter how poor, noblewomen didn’t bake their own pastries. I must have seemed like a country bumpkin flaunting my affection. After that, Ian grew distant again, maintaining only formalities in public.

As our third anniversary approached, he even began to disregard me in public. If it weren’t for that incident… I still felt embarrassed, my face flushing with shame.

Worried that Ian might misinterpret my flushed face, I quickly covered my cheeks and stole a glance at him. Our eyes met, and he frowned, letting out another sigh.

I felt another wave of resentment and nearly cried. I wanted to shout,

‘I’m embarrassed about my past, not because I’m alone with you, you conceited man!’

But knowing no one would believe me, I just hung my head. I decided to keep my eyes on the floor. Just ignore me, please. But Ian, instead of ignoring me, said something unexpected.

“You’re a good person.”

What? I wasn’t happy or relieved but rather scared by Ian’s sudden uncharacteristic comment. He continued with a sigh.

“Even if we divorce, it won’t be much of a blemish on your record.”

Of course.

“There are many men waiting for us to divorce. I know a few decent men who fancy you. If you want, I can introduce…”

“No need.”

My anger cooled down.

“No need that Ian.”

I tried my best to smile naturally.

“If we divorce, I’ll enter a convent immediately, so there’s no need to look for someone to take me off your hands.”

“…Are you threatening me?”

Ian’s expression seemed to say, “You know how to threaten?” I felt insulted but tried to remain calm as I replied.

“Why would that be a threat? I’m just telling you my true feelings.”

I already lived like a nun anyway. I was confident I’d do well as one. I could even use holy power and read ancient scriptures. But knowing that the life of a duchess was more comfortable than that of a nun, I exercised superhuman patience and refrained from saying it aloud.

I maintained a picture-perfect smile and sat upright, preserving my dignity until Ian got out at the prime minister’s residence.

***

Though I felt like doing nothing, I wanted to perform any task I took on perfectly. That’s why I accepted all the invitations that came my way. While I was familiar with most high-ranking nobles, I didn’t know the new socialites. Ian should have been my partner, but he often declined, claiming to be busy. So, I feigned illness during the last social season and missed out on the latest trends.

I couldn’t let that happen again. So, I devised a plan to find a partner other than Ian.

“Thank you for coming with me, Mother.”

“I’m glad to be out after a long time.”

I had brought my mother-in-law, Adriana, to see the most popular opera, “My Love.” I planned to ask one of the male actors to be my partner for a ball a week later. It was common for noblewomen to introduce artists they patronized to high society by inviting them as partners.

Though I hadn’t explained my plan, Mother likely guessed my intention. She made time to accompany me despite her busy schedule, especially since her business, which she started last year, was now thriving. Although she had never been very social, it was particularly hard to see her these days.

“But wouldn’t it have been better to come with friends?”

I wanted that too. If I had come with friends, we could have visited the actors backstage after their performance. But everyone was busy…

“They all have very young children or are pregnant. Besides, I wanted to go on a date with you.”

“…Is that so?”

Typically, girls debuted at 16, or at the latest, 18, and married within three years. My friends, too, got married and had children quickly. I was considered an old maid when I married six years after my debut.

The real reason, though, was probably that we now lived in different worlds. The noble world was more closed off than one might think, making it hard to make friends freely.

Parents often introduced their children to their friends’ kids, and I had inherited my parents’ connections.

Those friends sent letters even after my father passed away and my mother and I were exiled to the countryside. But as life got busy and distance grew, we gradually lost touch. When I returned as the Duchess of Keppel, they were delighted but seemed burdened when I suggested meeting.

Even when we did meet, they talked only about child-rearing, leaving me feeling left out. Once someone noticed my isolation, the atmosphere would become awkward, filled with forced smiles and silence. It was understandable, considering I had married into the Keppel family, which was nearly royal—during the United Kingdom era, they were actual royalty.

“That dress is from our workshop,” Mother said, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at the stage, where the opera’s heroine wore a trendy chemise dress.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Princess Ophelia plans to wear a sheath dress for her debut. You’re amazing, Mother.”

“Thanks to you.”

She smiled faintly. But I could sense her genuine happiness. While I had given the idea for the light outing dress, it was Mother who had popularized it.