Chapter 7 – Unofficial time

Finally, the second dance began, and my friends left with their respective partners. The second dance was for the nobles who hadn’t danced during the first, so I was left alone again. I could feel Walter fidgeting nervously, looking at me for cues.

“Um, I know I’m not very good, but maybe I could dance now…”

“You don’t have to push yourself, Walter.”

Had I sunk Walter’s courage? I was trying to make him feel at ease, but he seemed even more deflated by my refusal.

Usually, I’d try harder to make my conversation partner comfortable, but I felt unusually tired and found it hard to speak.

Maybe I was treating Walter more casually because of his lower status. Just as I was sinking into a melancholic thought, someone else approached to talk. People wanting even a tiny connection to the Keppel family came up to me on their own.

I smiled and responded to the conversations, accepting dance requests and dancing with them. As midnight approached, I felt I had accomplished my initial goal. Just as I was thinking about leaving, I heard a commotion. It seemed related to me since it was coming from nearby. Sure enough, at the end of the onlookers’ stares, Ian stood.

“His Grace, the Duke of Keppel, brought a woman…”

I confirmed the woman standing next to him. She was the leading actress in the most popular play recently. She flaunted her beauty in a dazzling, expensive-looking dress that seemed impossible to afford on a theater actor’s salary.

The ball continued from night to early morning, but its nature changed after midnight. While the time before midnight was for socializing, the time after midnight was private and unofficial, with people staying on to enjoy themselves.

“So, the Duke of Keppel is finally moving on from his old feelings and finding new love.”

“Shh, they might hear you.”

No wonder people were whispering like that. I could feel Walter beside me getting increasingly uneasy.

I wanted to leave because I was exhausted, but I saw that the people I was conversing with were getting flustered, so I calmed myself down.

As I acted as if I didn’t mind at all, those around me began to carry on their conversations, pretending not to notice. One of them, perhaps wanting to lift the mood, started talking to Walter.

“By the way, Walter, haven’t you ever wanted to play the lead role?”

“Oh, um, of course, I’ve always wanted to…”

“Then why don’t you sing the lead’s song here?”

“What? No, I mean… I played Count Grich, so…”

“Can’t you remember the lyrics?”

“That’s not it.”

“Then please, sing it. I particularly liked ‘In Your Dreams.’ Please, before midnight.”

After midnight, the second part of the ball would start with new dances. It was the perfect time for singing since the orchestra was on break. I wanted to go home and rest, but I couldn’t let Walter miss a rare opportunity, so I waited.

Walter seemed flustered by the unexpected request but soon cleared his throat and started singing the highlight part of the lead’s song.

~~In your dreams,I am your lover,You smile even at a humble wildflower.In your dreams… ahem.~~

He was so nervous. Not used to singing this song, he cleared his throat, looking embarrassed, and continued singing, but his pitch was even more unstable.

~~In your dreams,I will kiss you.No one will knowOur sweet time.~~

This song was originally a duet for the male and female leads. I waited to help Walter and naturally sang the female part.

~~No one will knowMy true love.In my dreams,Without any interruptions,Without any promises,Responsibilities, or duties,In my dreams,We are free.

In your dreams,My true love,As long as morning doesn’t come,We will be eternal.

Eternal.~~

It was a song the female lead sang during a secret rendezvous with the male lead before her forced engagement to Count Grich. When the song ended, loud applause erupted. I flinched a little. I was worried Ian might see this, but the people around me started asking for an encore.

“Duchess Keppel, I didn’t know you had such a deep understanding of vocal music…”

“May we request another song? Since you came with Count Grich, how about ‘My Love’ from the part where the Count dies?”

I sighed inwardly. By now, a crowd had gathered, making it impossible to refuse. Some orchestra members had also joined, offering to play along with the song.

“My Love” was the only duet between the female lead and Count Grich, and the highlight of the opera. The song itself wasn’t difficult, but its symbolic nature made it somewhat daunting. However, I didn’t have the courage to flatly refuse, so I nodded. Walter started singing first.

~~I promised you

Wealth, honor, and devotion.

What did he promise you? Love? What is that?

I cannot promise what I don’t know.

Don’t you know love? Love is like a flowerThat needs tender care, And love is like the sea.

Eternal

If that is the case,

I will give you the land where all the flowers of the world bloom and the endless sea. Then my love will be more valuable.

More so than his love.

I don’t need anyone’s love.

The only thing I want is my love, more precious than land and sea,

My Love.

What is the difference between his heart and mine?

His love is valuable and precious, but must my heart be discarded?

There is no difference. Can’t you see?

Your love and his love are both equally beautiful. But to me, the most precious thing is only my love.~~

I felt like I was going to be overwhelmed by Walter’s performance while singing. His expression and gaze made it feel as if Count Grich loved me. Everyone seemed to feel the same way, holding their breath.

Finally, even the orchestra stopped playing. It was the part where the heroine ran away, and Count Grich stood despondently before committing suicide.

~~What is love that can taint the good with evil and make the wicked repent?

What is love that it approaches with the face of a demon and disappears with the back of an angel?~~

When the song ended, people who had been absorbed in the lingering emotions started to applaud one by one. Walter and I stood up and bowed like the leading actors. Those who had requested to hear my song seemed to be impressed by Walter’s performance.

Despite my feelings, it was a perfect day. Now I could finally rest. Just as I was sighing with relief, the crowd murmured and parted.

“Let’s talk for a moment.”

It was Ian. His brisk walk made it clear he was angry. I grasped my dress with both hands to avoid stepping on it and hurried to catch up with him. Ian took me to a hotel room, which he must have reserved to use with a partner. I was so scared that as soon as the door closed, I spoke up.

“I didn’t know you were coming here.”

Ian closed the door and just stared at me silently.

“If you ask my mother, you’ll know that I have attended this party every year. And before coming here, I sent a letter to the minister’s office, stating with whom and at what time I would be attending.”

I quickly poured out my excuses. He clearly hadn’t read my letter. I was afraid he might misunderstand again and think I was chasing after him like last time. Ian sighed as he stared at me. Pressing his forehead with his long fingers, he spoke.

“I understand.”

I also sighed in relief. Now that the misunderstanding was cleared, I just wanted to go home. As I was thinking this, Ian didn’t step away from the door.

“But why did you choose a non-noble partner?”

“Yes?”

“There must have been plenty of more suitable partners with more certain social status.”

“I really don’t understand what you mean. I just wanted to sponsor an actor with talent that shouldn’t go to waste in obscurity.”

Ian chuckled.

“It seems like that man has ulterior motives.”

I wanted to ask what it mattered. I was starting to get annoyed. But if I argued back and fell out of favor with my mother-in-law, I might actually get divorced, so I held back and said,

“There’s no way. I met him for the first time today. I found out about him when we went to the opera last week, and this is the first time we’ve actually talked face-to-face.”

“When you meet isn’t the point. Sometimes, people are captivated at first sight.”

Are you talking about yourself? I was dumbfounded, but Ian continued.

“If you don’t have feelings for him, then stop seeing him. The reason someone with that kind of talent is still unknown is because their social status is uncertain. Even his name sounds foreign…”

I was at a loss for words. The person who kept talking about divorce was now meddling in my business? I wanted to argue, but being in a weaker position, I couldn’t get angry, so I smiled. Speaking with a smiling face isn’t the same as being angry.

“I thought you’d be pleased.”

Ian suddenly fell silent. The hardened expression on his face showed that he was really pissed off. I was trembling inside, but I pretended to be calm and added,

“Even if you’re not pleased, there’s no reason for you to be angry with me. I didn’t bother you to be my partner; I found my own partner and did my job. Why are you angry? I thought you wouldn’t care at all.”

“How could I not care?”

Ian was still expressionless. Worried that others might hear, he leaned in close and whispered in a low voice,

“What do you think people will say if the woman who used to be my wife ruins her reputation by getting involved with some strange guy after we part ways?”

“Then you have even less to worry about. I will never get divorced.”

“…”

“Don’t worry. I’m well aware that I have no right to interfere with whatever you do in this room.”

So, don’t interfere with me either. That’s what I really wanted to say. Even though ours was a marriage in name only, I had lived like a nun to avoid any scandal that might tarnish the Keppel family’s name, and I intended to continue doing so.

For the sake of a guaranteed status and wealth in exchange for a nun’s life, I could endure it. It’s not like I wanted him to stay celibate just because I did. Borrowing something and ruining it is a problem, but if he wants to ruin his own reputation, what can I do?

I’m the one forcing this marriage to continue. I walked past Ian and headed toward the door. Just as I grabbed the doorknob, Ian spoke.

“…If I had known, I wouldn’t have married you.”