After fainting so many times, I’m getting used to it; maybe it’s not so bad. It even helps me wrap up these tedious balls a bit early. This was my first thought when I opened my eyes.

“Liv…”

But the moment I saw Ian’s face, which looked like he had been guarding my side without a break, that thought vanished. Ian, in a voice filled with sadness, asked softly,

“What do you want me to do?”

Was he offering to take revenge on my behalf? Seeing my expression, he gave a self-deprecating smile and rephrased his question.

“No…what can I even do?”

“…”

“If I act on my own, I know you would probably hate it, right?”

I hesitated, unsure of how to answer right away. Should I tell him I’d decide after hearing him out? Interpreting my hesitation differently, Ian sighed.

“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything. But I also can’t stop Cade.”

He began to recount the events of that day in a steady voice.

“Benjamin and Lord Oran reconstructed the whole scene right before you fainted. As if everything were happening vividly in front of us… even what they were saying.”

Magic really is useful, I thought. In a world without CCTV or recording devices, I used to be the one on the receiving end of things, but suddenly, wizards showed up and turned the tables. I wonder how shocked those women must have been—surely, they never imagined they’d be forced to see themselves uttering such vile things.

“Cade is blaming himself, saying it feels like his authority is worthless. He regrets lending an ear to the legislative proposals about magic, as it seems to have made people think they hold some real power.”

I guessed Cade would use this incident as a pretext to swing his metaphorical sword again.

“I’m sorry, but even if you wanted to forget it, that’s impossible now.”

I blinked quietly. What exactly did this man think of me? I’m not some angel, after all. I wonder if he’d be shocked if I told him I wanted to tear those women’s hair out.

“Liv… why aren’t you saying anything?”

“…”

“Have things always been like this?”

Ian bit his lip and closed his eyes as if struggling to bear it. I quietly watched his face. Hmm, even in a moment like this, he’s handsome. Seeing him with so many different expressions lately, after all the masked smiles and blank looks before, I couldn’t help but stare. But if I kept silent, he’d probably dig himself deeper into worry.

“I…an. Hmm, could you give me some water?”

Even after drinking, my voice didn’t improve, hinting that I’d been out for a few days this time.

“What day is it today?”

“March 4th.”

Oh, he got it right away. My intuition’s as sharp as ever.

“This time, at least it’s not July. That’s a relief.”

“Don’t joke like that.”

It wasn’t a joke. As I struggled to sit up, Ian helped me, and I looked him straight in the eye.

“Seems like you’re worrying too much, Ian. It’s nothing serious.”

“But you fainted.”

“I just didn’t take my medicine.”

It hadn’t been my intention to faint. Honestly, their words didn’t even faze me. What really weighed on me were the silent stares from everyone else. The moment all eyes were on me, an unexpected, suffocating fear gripped me.

“Liv, I’ve realized I’ve been wrong all along.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know that people…treated you that way. Why didn’t you tell me? Vanon said you expected all those hurtful words.”

Oh, is that all?

“Well, yes, I expected most of it. I assumed everyone else did too. That’s why Her Majesty the Empress stayed by my side the entire time, remember?”

“That Empress is bedridden now after learning about those vile remarks.”

“Oh dear, she recently gave birth, so it must have been too much. Is she alright now?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been by your side since the incident ended.”

Ian said, rubbing his face with his hand.

“Liv, while you were getting used to these things, thinking it’s no big deal, I had no idea.”

Though I’d once resented him, I didn’t anymore. When we’re together, those people don’t dare say a word, and I never tattled on them to Ian. How could he possibly guess? I chuckled, but Ian gave me an earnest apology.

“I’m sorry. I thought…I thought I was doing enough.”

“…”

“I thought since I was the one stirring up trouble, people would only resent me. I never imagined they’d dare to belittle you.”

He covered his face with his hand, and though I wanted to see his expression, I restrained myself.

“No, I suppose I did know… I just never thought it would be this blatant and vile.”

“Ian.”

“Imagining myself in your place, I felt overwhelmed. If I were a man, I would’ve thrown a punch, but you couldn’t do even that.”

I burst out laughing, imagining those women with swollen, bruised faces.

“In the circle of men, Liv, your reputation is incredibly high, so I never imagined it would be a problem. I thought it was just a bit of jealousy from the women.”

“Jealousy?”

“…Because you’re so popular.”

“Popular? Me?”

That was news to me.

“If I’m so popular, then why didn’t anyone come to my parties?”

Ian looked a bit taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected me to ask that. Then, with a somewhat guilty expression, he quietly answered.

“If they’re married, their wives would have intervened, and if they’re single…”

“If they’re single?”

“…they’re afraid of me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity.

“Why would they be afraid of you?”

Ian said nothing, but as I stared at him, he finally relented and answered.

“I’ve dueled a few of them.”

“What?”

“They were honorable duels. But they were secret.”

A secret duel that’s honorable? I was baffled.

“With whom?”

“There were a few. I’m not going to say who.”

Ian frowned as he spoke. He may be stubborn, but if I press him enough, he’ll eventually tell me. I asked, full of curiosity.

“Did you challenge them, or did they challenge you?”

“Both.”

“Wow, who would be brave enough to challenge you?”

“I said I wouldn’t tell you.”

As I watched Ian’s frown deepen, I tried to guess who it might have been. But no one came to mind. In fact, if there had been such a person, why didn’t they propose to me when my father passed away?

“Hmm, could it be the person you once mentioned introducing to me?”

Had I asked too unexpected a question? I felt a pang of regret as I saw his large blue eyes cloud over with regret. He spoke, looking pale.

“Yes. But I don’t think that way anymore.”

Would it be difficult if I asked why? While I hesitated, Ian offered an answer on his own.

“Back then, I was foolish. I thought anyone willing to risk their life in a duel with me must truly love you. But now, looking back, that probably wasn’t the case.”

“Why?”

“…”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

Ian replied with an unexpected comment.

“It’s in this book, ‘The Definition of Love’.”

‘The Definition of Love’? It was a title I didn’t know; it didn’t seem to be a well-known book.

“It says that humans are creatures who cannot wholly love another because they love themselves too much. The author explains that proving love involves sacrifice, as love is the only emotion that can make one put another before oneself.”

I was certain the book Ian read wasn’t in the romance genre.

“So…it’s a book on philanthropy?”

“It’s a philosophy book. Not very well-known…”

“It’s probably unpopular because of the title.”

Ian chuckled at my remark, then continued.

“But sometimes, people can sacrifice even without love for others, and they fall into two categories: those who lack self-love, and those who have too much of it.”

I blinked slowly, not understanding Ian’s purpose in bringing this up. Was he implying that I sacrificed for him because I lack self-love?

“The ones who dueled with me were those types, too. They didn’t challenge me because they loved you…”

Ian furrowed his brow again.

“…but because they loved the idea of themselves as secretly devoted admirers of a noblewoman.”

Oh, it was quite plausible. A certain person came to mind.

“Like Walter, for instance?”

“Exactly. So, you really don’t need to wonder who it was.”

Though I was still curious, I decided to respect his stubbornness. Ian cautiously asked.

“Did it bother you all this time that people didn’t come to your parties?”

Though it felt like an obvious question, it might not have been for him. I slowly nodded, and Ian sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for this time?”

“I thought you didn’t like parties. That, too, seems to have been a mistake.”

“It’s not me who dislikes parties, but Mother.”

I echoed his way of speaking, but Ian didn’t laugh. Though Mother-in-law disliked parties, she always attended with me, at least when she was with me, people couldn’t ignore me. Strictly speaking, I didn’t hate parties—I was afraid of them.

While Mother-in-law would grumble about the hassle of preparing for a party, I would be so tense that I couldn’t even sleep. The difference was clear on the inside, but maybe it looked the same on the surface. Perhaps Mother had once been afraid of parties too.

“If you had asked the servants, it would’ve been easy to fill the venue…”

“That would be a nuisance.”

“That’s how people sidestep these situations.”

“I nearly died of embarrassment when Sierra kept coming to my dull parties without fail.”

Ian looked at me strangely, as if he couldn’t understand. Maybe he didn’t know because he’s never been dragged around as filler to someone’s party. If he’d spent his school days in South Korea, he’d understand. Still, I’d recently realized my thinking had been too narrow. There are probably people, like Sir Wayne, who haven’t married yet because they don’t get invited to parties. I added, somewhat defensively.

“I just… didn’t want people to hate me. If I forced them to come, I figured they’d resent it.”