How To Give Up On You - ✿ dusk blossoms ✿

I accepted the glass from Lady Avery. Her words seemed intended to provoke me into drinking it, but I played along. After all, no one would be foolish enough to harm me at my own party.

“I didn’t expect you’d invite me to the party.”

“…….”

“I want to apologize. For the trouble I caused you.”

I looked at her with a quiet smile. Was she intentionally apologizing in such a public setting, or was it unintended? She seemed too anxious for it to be a calculated attempt to force my forgiveness. Curious, I gestured toward a quieter area.

“Shall we go over there?”

Lady Avery followed me without a word. As we walked, she asked,

“Was that song about the time you lost your memory?”

“Sorry?”

“I wondered if it was about a dream you had while you couldn’t remember.”

“It’s just a song I happened to know. Not my own story.”

She looked like she didn’t quite believe me. But I was telling the truth; it was just a song I’d loved in a past life. To change the subject, I said,

“Princess Ophelia asked me to invite you. She didn’t want her soon-to-be sister-in-law to feel lonely.”

“I’m grateful to Her Highness.”

Leaning against a large tree, I looked up at Lady Avery. With no magical lights here, we relied solely on the moonlight. Lady Avery spoke.

“And to you as well. Thank you for permitting my brother to serve as Princess Ophelia’s knight. Because of you, they’ll be able to marry this autumn.”

“I know. I received an invitation.”

Though I’m not sure I’ll be able to attend. Lady Avery continued with her expressionless face.

“To be honest, that day, I thought maybe you wanted something from me.”

“…….”

“But that wasn’t it, was it? Perhaps I was just hoping you wanted to become friends with me.”

What was she talking about? I was taken aback. Seeing my reaction, she explained calmly.

“I knew from the beginning I’d be your next target. That’s why I might have harassed you more than others… I wondered if you were going to offer me some kind of alliance.”

“I never had any such thoughts.”

She suddenly laughed.

“I know. I simply assumed you’d do what I would in that situation. But I see now that you’re not the type to make friends with such calculations.”

“…….”

“Sorry. For causing you trouble and for bothering you like this, pretending to be close. To make excuses, my parents left me little choice. They think my only remaining match is the Count of Hershey.”

With a shadowed expression, she muttered,

“If they believe I’ve earned your forgiveness, they’ll make a formal marriage proposal.”

“Benjamin said he has no intention of marrying anytime soon…”

“Even if he were, he’d likely refuse if the match were with me. Because he cares about you.”

Lady Avery seemed so certain that I was left speechless.

“As a woman, it means a rather humiliating fate awaits me. A spinster, rejected first by the Keppels and then by the Hersheys—I’m sure it’ll be remembered in history.”

I didn’t feel inclined to comfort her; she was too composed for that.

“My parents think you’ll easily forgive me because you’re too kind, but I don’t think so.”

Does she mean that I’m actually not kind?

“You seem like the type to endure everything until the very end, but once someone crosses the line, you cut them off completely.”

“…….”

“So, I’m probably already out.”

I didn’t bother denying it.

“Actually, I told my parents I’d be approaching the Count of Hershey to get closer to him, but I’m joining the Imperial Wizard Corps as an administrator.”

“……Really?”

I was truly surprised. A marquis’s daughter, choosing to work, especially in a position usually held by commoners? And that her parents permitted it?

“My father pulled some strings. The Averys have a keen sense of the times. He’s already sensed that soon, more women will be pursuing work, and I’m already a source of shame. They’re hoping I’ll somehow win the Count over through this.”

Lady Avery sounded like she had a separate motive. I smiled.

“Congratulations. So, you’re becoming independent?”

Amazingly, she offered a shy smile, a look I’d never seen from her before.

“…Yes.”

“It won’t be easy. The Imperial Wizard Corps isn’t well-organized yet, and some people you work with might come across as rude.”

“More than me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d momentarily forgotten that Lady Avery herself had quite the attitude. She hesitated, then said,

“Anyway, I just wanted to see you one last time to apologize properly.”

“Alright.”

“And may I still write to you?”

“I won’t be replying.”

Lady Avery left with a content smile, as if that was enough for her. I leaned against the tree for a moment before returning to the party. This time, Eloise was standing there.

“What kind of conversation was that long?”

“Eloise.”

“I have something to tell you too.”

I waited quietly. She suddenly said,

“I’m leaving soon.”

“Sorry?”

“I’m pregnant.”

What? My mouth dropped open in shock. Lately, it seemed like everyone around me was expecting, but Eloise’s pregnancy was the most startling of all. I clutched my chest, feeling my stunned heart constrict.

“Why are you so surprised? You should be congratulating me.”

“Oh, right. Congratulations.”

“So we’ve decided to return home as soon as possible and hold the ceremony.”

“I see.”

“Then, right after the wedding, there will be the coronation.”

Eloise spoke calmly, but there was a certain sadness in her expression. I couldn’t offer her any consolation without knowing the reason for her sorrow. After a brief silence, she spoke up unexpectedly.

“So, why don’t you try awakening one more time?”

“Sorry?”

“I think it would be best if you tried again while I’m here. You probably didn’t do it properly on your own. I’ll do the stabbing for you.”

Haha, why does it sound so ominous, even though she’s offering to help?

“You probably just made a small cut on your arm. I’ll make sure to do it right.”

“…Actually, you suggested I try stabbing my thigh, so that’s what I did.”

“You did?”

Why is she surprised? I only followed her advice.

“That’s why Ian kept an eye on me afterward, worried I’d hurt myself again. It’s not that he was being strange; I just ended up stabbing myself a bit too deeply back then.”

I’m not sure why I’m making excuses for him, especially since Eloise didn’t even ask.

“Impressive.”

“Uh… right.”

When she looked at me with amazement, I didn’t know how to respond, so I just let out an awkward sound.

“I was so scared that I was trembling. In the end, I couldn’t even stab myself properly. Raphael had to do it for me.”

“…I see.”

“When I was filled with a strong desire to escape pain, I could finally awaken as a holy mage. It’s the surest method, so I wonder why you failed?”

I carefully confessed something I’d never told anyone.

“The pain… I feel it every day.”

Eloise looked at me, startled.

“Right before I collapse, it’s just as painful as when my heart was pierced.”

I gave her a bitter smile.

“So, I won’t be able to awaken with that method.”

Sometimes, I wonder if I actually want to die. What does it feel like to desperately want something? Ian once said it was easier to give up before he grew too attached. I felt the same way. Ever since my previous life, where I came from nothing, giving up had become a habit, and resignation a second nature. Desiring anything felt like a luxury to me. Eloise thought for a moment before speaking.

“Aren’t you curious why I insisted on collecting my reward only from Benjamin? Why I refused both the Emperor’s and the Duke of Keppel’s offers and demanded it solely from him?”

“Sorry?”

“This child is that reward.”

Wait, what? I froze, trying to make sense of her words. A reward?

“It will be your niece or nephew.”

So… the baby is Benjamin’s…?

“Even after my awakening, my magic power remained low. It was insignificant enough that my siblings continued attempting to awaken. Then one day, Benjamin came into my life. He became my desire—my deep and constant desire.”

A deep and constant desire… is that what she calls love?

“After meeting him, as my desire for him grew, so did my power. I was able to become the Regina. The previous Regina didn’t need to bear any more children, and my siblings began discovering their own talents. Just wanting him made me happy.”

With a faint smile, Eloise continued.

“And now I’ve even been gifted with this. So, I intend to keep him as my desire.”

“…”

“An eternal desire because I cannot have him.”

I couldn’t understand Eloise at all.

“So, you too should hurry and find your desire. A desire that makes you want to live.”