Chapter 38: The Reason for Feelings

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Clive’s face. She moved her gaze around to figure out where she was lying. The familiar ceiling. The familiar curtains. The familiar decorations. 

It was Clive’s bedroom, which had somehow become familiar despite having seen it only a few times. Just as Eirene was about to push away the hair blocking her view, he acted first. He gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Are you feeling more alert now?”

He looked worse than Eirene who had just regained consciousness, suggesting he had been very worried.

“Yes.”

“Does anything hurt?”

“No.”

“Don’t give me short answers.”

“I really am fine. I feel refreshed.”

Her body felt completely rejuvenated. Before collapsing, she had felt terrible, almost like someone on the verge of death, but now she felt like she had slept off a cold and woken up feeling light. 

She actually felt much better than before. Eirene was grateful that Clive had brought her here after she lost consciousness. If it had been the Phineas mansion, she might have had to pretend to remain unconscious.

“I don’t understand what happened. You slept like a dead person and now you’re refreshed? I thought someone might have poisoned you or used magic on you.”

“It was poison.”

“You knew about it?”

“No. I didn’t know, but I sensed it when I was losing consciousness. I think I slept so long because my divine power was working to neutralize the poison.”

“Your divine power is much better than I thought. It’s a wonderful ability that the poison wasn’t lethal. Do you have any idea who might have done this to you? It couldn’t be the Phineas family.”

They were people who couldn’t afford to kill Eirene, who was absolutely necessary for Aishe. Clive helped Eirene as she tried to sit up. Looking out the window, she saw it had become pitch dark.

“It probably wasn’t the Phineas family. I think it happened at the shop. I was pricked by a pin during a fitting. I don’t know if it was Scarlet or one of her employees, but whether it was Scarlet or an employee, someone must be behind it.”

“What would you like me to do about it?”

Not ‘why would they do that’ but ‘what would you like me to do about it.’ 

Pfft. She couldn’t help but laugh. When they met in her past life, he had asked ‘why’ she killed someone from the Phineas mansion, not ‘how’ she did it. 

Back then, the reason was important, but now he spoke with a tone suggesting the reason didn’t matter at all.

“You seem ready to do anything I ask.”

“Any action taken against you is the same as one taken against me, so they should face appropriate consequences.”

Eirene couldn’t understand his reaction, but hearing it, it made sense. And his reaction didn’t feel bad at all.

“I’ll wait until I need to go back to the shop after the fitting is complete. I’ll think about it until then.”

“Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Whatever makes you comfortable. Words that put the other person at ease. He always prioritized Eirene’s circumstances.

“How about resting here before going back? Under the pretext of recuperating, well, it’s not really a pretext but the truth. Anyway, stay for a few days before leaving.”

This too was said in a tone suggesting Eirene should do whatever made her comfortable. Though he was trying to keep it light to avoid pressuring her, his eyes held desperation. Why did he want her to stay? 

While Eirene just stared without answering, Clive spoke once more.

“You’ve been through something difficult, so you should rest.”

“I’m already better. I told you I feel refreshed.”

“Just because your body has recovered doesn’t mean your mind has.”

Clive was right. She wasn’t completely unaffected by the difficult experience. She was only able to brush it off because of her divine power. No wonder Aishe would be driven to desperation. He truly was a good man.

* * *

While dinner was being prepared, Eirene greeted Madam Hannon whom she hadn’t seen in a while, then went looking for Matilda. 

Matilda, who had been running an errand for Clive, arrived shortly after Eirene woke up.

“Lady Eirene!”

As soon as Matilda confirmed Eirene’s face, she called out her name loudly and ran over.

“My lady, it’s been so long! How is your health? I was so worried when you arrived unconscious in His Grace’s arms. Seeing you in that state broke my heart.”

“Thank you for worrying about me. But I was just sleeping deeply because I was tired, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Well, you must be stressed with the wedding coming up.”

Matilda was overjoyed to hear that Eirene would be staying for a few days. After chattering beside her for quite some time, she finally went to do her duties after being reprimanded by Madam Hannon. 

Eirene visited the annex where she had stayed before. It was so well maintained that it could be used immediately just by removing the white cloths covering the furniture. She hadn’t liked the main colors of the annex interior before, but perhaps because it had been a while since she’d seen it, it felt comfortable, like coming home. 

Though she had only stayed here for a week, it had been the least lonely and least frightening time in her life. She could almost hear the sunlight coming through the windows and Matilda’s voice greeting her in the morning. 

Memories of spending time with Clive while touring the palace with Madam Hannon and reading her favorite books kept coming back to her. There was no time to feel lonely here. Even if she and Clive didn’t love each other, it seemed like they could have a good marriage. 

Most nobles rarely married for love anyway. Only in novels did people hang onto love; in reality, marriages were political arrangements between families, and being faithful to one’s spouse was enough to lead a satisfying life. 

Her expectations for the marriage, which had felt unreal before, were gradually growing. Suddenly, Eirene burst into a small laugh. 

What’s wrong with me? I even confessed to Clive out of nowhere that he was a good man and that I would do well.

“My lady! Dinner is ready!”

At Matilda’s call, Eirene stopped her absurd thoughts and headed to the dining room.

* * *

She was barely eating, so he thought she had no appetite. But when dessert arrived, Eirene’s eyes sparkled. She was devouring her fourth slice of cake with such enthusiasm that it was hard to believe she was the same person who had barely touched her food earlier.

“Is it that delicious?”

“Yes. Why aren’t you having any?”

“I told you I don’t care for sweets.”

“It’s not too sweet. It’s delicious. Try some.”

She scooped up some cake with her fork and held it out to him. Clive’s brow furrowed. He leaned back slightly in his chair, moving away. His discomfort was clearly visible. Only then did Eirene realize what she had done without thinking. 

I must be crazy. Why did I do that? How could I think of using a fork I had already eaten from? 

Well, it wasn’t something she had thought about before doing. Of course Clive would make such an expression when she offered him cake from a fork that had been in her mouth. She could feel heat rising to her face. 

She was too embarrassed to look up. Though spending quiet time with him had never been uncomfortable before, the brief silence now was so awkward she didn’t know what to do with herself. 

It would have been better if he had just scolded her, but he was simply staring. With no other option, Eirene blurted out something and put the fork in her own mouth.

“I guess you really don’t like sweet things, do you?”

“No.”

She had wanted to eat more cake, but her self-loathing killed her appetite. It would be best to quickly finish the remaining cake on her plate and leave this place. Eirene barely emptied her plate and stood up.

“Ah, that was good.”

Even to her own ears, her voice sounded incredibly awkward, but she couldn’t think of a better approach.

“I’m so full I need to take a walk. I’ll go ahead.”

She rushed outside with Matilda following behind. After Eirene left, Clive was mulling over what had just happened. The fork she had held out with cake on it. Of course, they weren’t sitting close enough for him to actually take it. 

And Eirene wasn’t really expecting him to eat it; she was just suggesting he try some. Despite knowing all this, he was too surprised to respond. His mind froze when he saw an action that could only come from an intimate relationship. 

Her heart is changing. He had promised to wait even though it seemed like a distant prospect, but it was happening faster than expected. She looked lovely when she smiled slightly and held out the fork. 

Her cheeks turning red were lovely, and the way she hurriedly ate the remaining cake in embarrassment was lovely. Even the awkward way she spoke before leaving was lovely. 

Clive found Eirene so adorable that he wanted to run after her and embrace her, but he held back because he wasn’t confident he could stop at just a hug. He leaned back completely in his chair, closed his eyes, and ran his hands over his face.

Damn it. Should he move the wedding up by a week? He knew it was impossible, but he meant it sincerely. Waiting until spring might kill him. It wasn’t so much waiting as it was enduring.

* * *

Though she tried to forget what had happened earlier while walking, it was in vain. Eirene decided not to see him until tomorrow. No matter how much she tried to find a reason for her behavior, she couldn’t understand it.

She wasn’t a child; why would she do something to Clive that she had only done with Aishe long ago? She would probably die of embarrassment every time she recalled this moment in the future.

“My lady. When are you returning to the Phineas mansion?”

Matilda, who had been following closely behind, asked.

“Since I came suddenly to rest for a while, I’m not exactly sure.”

“Please stay for a very long time.”

“Why?”

“Hmm. Just because.”

“There’s no ‘just because.'”

“Just because I like having you here.”

Eirene stopped walking.

“You like having me here?”

“Yes! I like you, my lady.”

“But why do you like me?”

“Ah. Ah. There’s no particular reason?”

“How can you like someone without a reason?”

It didn’t make sense to her. Is it possible for a person to just like another person without reason? But Matilda also looked confused and asked back:

“Does there need to be a reason?”

Eirene was at a loss for words. It seemed strange to keep asking for a reason from someone who said there wasn’t one. Still, she wanted to know. 

How could that be possible? How could such feelings develop?

“There are cases where you like someone for a reason, but aren’t there also cases where there’s no reason?”

Matilda awkwardly rubbed her chin with both hands.

“In my case, there have been more instances without reasons. Is that wrong?”

“……”

“I don’t think His Grace has any particular reason for liking you either. Oh, but nobles might be different.”

Matilda hastily added, perhaps remembering that most noble marriages were political.

“I’m sorry. I spoke out of place.”

She apologized, thinking Eirene’s silence meant she was angry, when really she was just deep in thought.

“No, that’s not it. I just don’t understand this emotion, so I was curious. Thank you. Thank you for liking me.”

Hehe. Matilda laughed, and they resumed their walk together.

* * *

After finishing the walk with Eirene, Matilda entered Clive’s office. She reported what she had heard from Gemma about the situation at the Phineas mansion.

“Siaran has disappeared?”

“Yes, that’s the name. She said the Count and Countess are troubled because Siaran has definitely disappeared. Also…”

He looked up, waiting for Matilda to continue.

“Also, it seems the reason Siaran disappeared might be because of Lady Aishe, but Gemma said she wasn’t certain about this.”

“Thank you for your hard work.”

Matilda bowed and was about to leave when she turned back.

“Um, Your Grace.”

He had been tapping his fingers on the desk and looked up at Matilda. Her throat involuntarily gulped at his stern expression.

“Lady Eirene. Couldn’t she stay here longer?”

“Is that Eirene’s wish?”

“No. It’s mine.”

Matilda didn’t hear his sigh of disappointment.

“I’ll ask for her opinion before deciding.”

“Yes. Thank you!”

Believing that Eirene would agree, an excited Matilda ran off. She even ran down the stairs, earning a scolding from Madam Hannon, but she was still thrilled.