Chapter 39: Imagining Life Without Him

“Wow. She’s much more beautiful in person.”

Angela murmured admiringly before breaking into a bright smile. After breakfast, she had come to find Eirene who was reading. Approaching cheerfully, Angela stared with curiosity before realizing her manners and greeting Eirene formally. 

The beautiful red-haired former princess looked nothing like Clive, making it hard to believe they were siblings. Her bright energy was also different from Clive’s. 

Noticing the book in Eirene’s hands, she apologized for interrupting her personal time. Though this unexpected meeting surprised Eirene, she understood.

“I’m delighted to finally see you in person after only seeing your portrait. I was so eager to meet you that I rushed over without even sending word ahead.”

Angela took both of Eirene’s hands in hers. She flinched momentarily in surprise but then remained still. The touch of Angela’s soft skin felt pleasant. 

After releasing her hands, Angela linked arms with Eirene and lightly rested her shoulder against hers. Though Eirene had linked arms with Clive before, this was her first time with someone else, and it felt awkward. 

Still, she hoped it would continue. Despite not knowing what to do with her arm and holding it somewhat stiffly, the warmth of human contact felt good. As they went to the annex for tea, Angela led the conversation. 

She skillfully balanced the pace, making sure Eirene didn’t feel uncomfortable. Though the siblings didn’t resemble each other physically, they shared the same kind nature.

“I heard you’ve been through a lot. Oh, the Grand Duke gave me a general overview.”

She broached the subject carefully.

“Clive and I try not to keep secrets from each other. Of course, there are some things we never discuss, but knowing each other’s circumstances helps us handle many situations. He told me about your situation because if anything were to happen to Clive, I would need to protect you.”

“What do you mean by ‘if anything were to happen to Clive’?”

Eirene had never considered this possibility.

“Hypothetically. If he were no longer in this world.”

The “anything” Angela referred to meant if Clive were no longer in this world. If he died. Suddenly, Eirene’s mind went blank. A world without Clive. Why couldn’t she imagine a world without him? 

A person who would come running when she looked for him. A person she would rush to when he needed her. She couldn’t picture a world without such a person. The feeling was so strange. 

She felt a sharp pain in her chest and gently placed her hand there, rubbing it. The aching in her chest made her emotional, and she slowly exhaled. Unaware of Eirene’s state, Angela asked:

“Does the Grand Duke ever upset you? He’s grown older but still lacks maturity. Clive doesn’t deserve such a young and pretty wife.”

“He treats me well.”

Eirene responded with a faint smile to Angela’s sweet voice and gentle expression.

“Please take good care of my brother.”

Angela paused briefly at Eirene’s answer that Clive treated her well, then asked her to look after Clive. Still rubbing her painful chest, Eirene thought about their conversation. Angela was a good person just like Clive. 

Though their exchange had been brief, Angela’s character was clearly evident. Eirene felt slightly envious of Clive. What would it feel like to have such a sibling? 

She must love Clive very much. That’s why she would think about protecting his wife if her brother died. 

Did I have siblings like this too? Would they have cared for me this much? Perhaps I did, but they suffered terrible deaths because of that wretched Count Phineas. 

These thoughts, linked together, burrowed into her heart and settled there.

* * *

Before leaving, Angela stopped by Clive’s office. She felt guilty for visiting Eirene directly without greeting the master of the house first. She also wanted to tease her brother. Clive glanced up briefly from his pen when Angela entered, then lowered his head.

“I’m leaving now.”

“What about lunch?”

“I have a prior engagement.”

“Take care on your way back.”

“Clive?”

Clive, who had been answering while continuing to write without looking up, finally looked at Angela.

“You’re in the midst of unrequited love, aren’t you?”

Clive’s face darkened, but Angela didn’t mind. She had found something to tease him about for the rest of his life, so this reaction was nothing. During her conversation with Eirene, Angela had sensed something. 

She’d heard Eirene was naturally quiet, but she was excessively calm whenever Clive was mentioned. When asked if Clive ever upset her, Eirene’s flat response of “He treats me well” revealed her true feelings. 

Angela felt sorry for her brother briefly, but the feeling quickly disappeared. She remembered Clive’s sarcastic comments before her own marriage. She hadn’t forgotten any of it. 

“Why the Marquis of Dike? He doesn’t even care about you, doesn’t that hurt your pride? Wasn’t he known for being cold-hearted? Will you be happy married to such a man?” 

Those words had really stung. And who was he to talk about being cold-hearted? 

Still, Clive had always been a good son and brother to his family. Angela wasn’t unaware of his intentions. Half concern, half irritation. When her relationship with her husband improved and she asked Clive to apologize for his past comments, he refused, saying she was being petty. 

So while she couldn’t get an apology, she intended to use this against him occasionally. She didn’t feel too sorry for him in his unrequited love. Let him suffer a bit too.

“Who says I’m in an unrequited love?”

“No one needed to say it. It’s obvious.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh my. So it’s true?”

“Didn’t you say you had a prior engagement? You should get going.”

“I’m rooting for you.”

Clive’s patience was reaching its limit. Angela quickly left before he exploded, glancing back at the closed door with a smile. The Grand Duke Clive Bainfelt in unrequited love was just as shocking and welcome as hearing he had fallen in love at first sight. 

For the first time in a long while, her big brother seemed adorable to her.

* * *

Knock knock. 

At the sound, Clive’s pen, which had been moving ceaselessly, stopped.

“Clive. It’s me.”

As soon as he heard Eirene’s voice, he rose from his seat and opened the door himself.

“Am I interrupting you?”

“Not at all. Come in.”

Clive stepped aside, and Eirene entered and sat down. He called a passing maid to prepare tea and sat across from Eirene.

“What brings you here?”

He couldn’t suppress his smile. Remembering the dessert incident from last night made her appear even more lovable to him. Now she had returned to her usual self.

“I’ve been thinking, and I believe I should return to the Phineas mansion early.”

“Really? Why?”

“I don’t really need to rest, and I’m anxious. I’m worried that Count Phineas might notice someone has been entering his study and move all the documents. I’d feel more at ease if I had the originals in my possession.”

Eirene had a point. If Count Phineas discovered and hid the evidence, the direct proof would be gone. They were currently looking for witnesses, but having evidence would certainly strengthen their case. Still, he didn’t want to let her go. But he couldn’t prioritize his feelings either.

“How early?”

“Today.”

“Even if you leave now, you’ll arrive at dawn.”

“That’s fine. I need to retrieve the documents as soon as possible. I feel bad for the coachman who will have to work hard. And for Matilda who brought my luggage.”

“Is that really the reason?”

“Yes.”

For some reason, it seemed like a hastily made decision. Then again, it wasn’t like her to agree to stay here for a few days either. Though her face showed no expression, her tightly clenched fists indicated she had made up her mind. 

She would go even if he tried to stop her. Clive felt proud knowing her feelings, like a secret only he understood.

“Siaran has disappeared.”

He shared what he had heard from Matilda. He had intended to tell her anyway, and now seemed like the perfect time. It was the most appropriate way to persuade her not to return to the Phineas mansion.

“Disappeared? Why?”

“We couldn’t find out the reason, but according to Gemma, it might have something to do with Aishe. The Count and Countess are looking for him.”

“If it’s because of Aishe, what trouble could she have caused?”

Eirene had decided to return today because of Clive. The cake incident yesterday and the emotions she felt during her conversation with Angela today had left her confused. 

Additionally, her conversation with Matilda during their walk kept lingering in her mind. She had planned to return to sort out her bewildering feelings, but hearing about Siaran’s disappearance made her reconsider going back to the Phineas mansion. 

If the reason for Siaran’s disappearance was truly because of Aishe…

“Do you think this incident, me losing consciousness… could it be Aishe’s doing?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I heard Aishe requested to speed up the process, and Siaran told her to wait because it wasn’t time yet. If Aishe couldn’t wait and had a shop employee poison me, Siaran might have been angry. He took pride in his work.”

If it was a matter of pride, Siaran would certainly have been irritated by Aishe’s independent action. His disappearance was likely a warning to Aishe and the Count and Countess.

“Wasn’t Siaran working for the Count and Countess Phineas?”

“It was more like the Count and Countess depended on him. Their relationship was rather complex.”

“So are you still going back?”

“No. I’ve changed my mind. I’m curious to see their reaction with Siaran gone and me still here. I’d also like to see when Siaran might return.”

“What about the evidence you were worried about?”

“Well…”

She had decided to return because of Clive, but her anxiety about the documents was real. Wouldn’t Count Phineas be too preoccupied with Siaran’s disappearance to worry about anything else right now?

“What should I do?”

“How about asking Gemma to hide them?”

“I’m not sure if Gemma can do it since I was the only one who went in and out. I wonder if she can identify the important documents.”

“I’ll try to contact Gemma. I think it’s safe for now while Count Phineas is searching for Siaran.”

He shared Eirene’s thoughts. In the end, just as Clive had hoped, she would be staying longer.

* * *

There was one aspect where Clive and Eirene’s predictions were off. Count Phineas wasn’t just looking for Siaran; he also needed to meet with Eirene at Dervel. Since he had been told Eirene was dying, he needed to confirm whether this was true. 

He became even more anxious after hearing from Matilda, who had come to collect Eirene’s belongings, that she was lying in bed unable to function properly. The Grand Duke would surely take good care of his fiancée. 

The problem was that if the careless Aishe was discovered for what she had done, it would be disastrous. Sometimes he thought, “Surely they wouldn’t guess that far,” but then immediately worried, “What if Eirene wakes up, realizes what Aishe did, and tells Clive?”

“Go to Dervel,” Count Phineas told his wife.

“What about Siaran?”

“You’re not personally searching for Siaran anyway. Go check on Eirene’s condition.”

“The Grand Duke said he’d call a separate doctor, so she should be fine. Finding Siaran is more urgent now.”

“What if Eirene figures out it was Aishe’s doing? Go under the pretext of nursing her so she won’t even suspect.”

The Countess Phineas shuddered in disgust. She was sick of nursing Eirene. She had barely tolerated it for her daughter’s sake before, but the thought of doing it again was horrifying. On days when she nursed Eirene, she could hardly bear the fatigue. 

She would feel drained, drowsy, and often dozed off. After nursing, she would rush to bed. The journey to Dervel was already long and tiring, and the prospect of nursing on top of that filled her with dread.

“Think of Aishe. You must endure this for Aishe to become perfect.”

Perfect Aishe. That’s right. Her child had to be perfect. Her child who would never bring shame anywhere. Her daughter who would inspire admiration from everyone. 

Though she had become sensitive and willful lately, she had once been sweet and kind in nature, and with a proper body, she would be perfect. 

The Countess Phineas composed herself and called for Gemma to help her pack.