Facing Leopold, Hazel’s expression was far from the shyness and excitement of a newlywed.

‘Even in death, I’m imagining you. I’m truly hopeless.’

A self-deprecating murmur that felt like it would tear my heart apart continued, but the phrase ‘even in death’ barely held my sanity together.

I had thought that only the one who cast the regression spell retained memories of the past, but could it be that Hazel remembered everything too?

Fortunately or unfortunately, that question was quickly resolved.

She continued to express her emotions as if she were speaking to herself.

Feelings like leftover scraps, how hard it was to endure unrequited love, even words of farewell promising never to meet again…

It felt as if my heart was being thrown onto a stone floor and mercilessly crushed underfoot. I never imagined there could be a pain different from the sense of loss. I immediately realized that she must have felt this way all along, without needing to dwell on the past. What had he done? There was no one more insane than him.

He knew it couldn’t be an excuse, but Leopold was terrified of the future. The time would come when he couldn’t grant Hazel what she desired, and eventually, she would resent him.

To Leopold, Hazel was the only person he never wanted to be hated by. Paradoxically, he deliberately gave her reasons to hate him, hoping she would naturally leave.

Not the world, but just him…

But he realized too late that this choice was foolish.

The price he paid for being left alone was unbearably high. Living in a world without Hazel was like trying to breathe in a deep sea with no light. There were times he thought it would be better to die, but having glimpsed hope, he couldn’t dare to die.

Compared to that time, the heartache now felt almost cute. The problem was how to hide his worsening health condition. Once discovered, no matter how much he refused, Hazel, with her strong beliefs, would try to heal him, and in the process, she would learn that Leopold had also regressed. She would then realize that the same person who had once hurt her with cruel words was still standing before her unchanged.

Predicting what choice Hazel would make upon learning the truth wasn’t difficult.

If given the chance, she would likely feel the same way he had as a child, wanting to escape from his mother countless times.

As these thoughts reached him, shameless and selfish, he became afraid once more. This time, he feared she might truly choose to leave him of her own will.

***

Thud.

After Leopold left, I leaned against the door. My trembling heart wouldn’t calm down, and I couldn’t move my legs. The excitement I felt when I first entered the academy spread from head to toe.

Was this even possible?

With questions piling up, I managed to move my frozen legs and rushed to the personal study connected to the bedroom.

Thanks to Lady Lawrence’s kindness, I had stayed at the Duke’s residence since graduating from the academy, and even until the day before the wedding, I had been absorbed in my research. I was obsessed with fixing the lady’s leg as quickly and perfectly as possible. Unfortunately, the efforts that kept me up countless nights never saw the light of day.

As expected, the familiar writing instruments and research books were scattered messily on the desk in one corner of the study.

I checked the dates on the records one by one.

Year 1032, March, April…

Excitement gradually turned into joy.

If I remembered correctly, the wedding date was May 1, 1032, and my mentor, who had returned briefly for the wedding, would leave for abroad again tomorrow.

Without further hesitation, I prepared to go see my mentor.

Even after changing my clothes, it was still a bit early. To avoid disturbing those who were sleeping, I quietly turned the doorknob with my gloved hand, and the door opened as if it had been waiting. A playful voice echoed down the hallway.

“Madam, did you have a restful night?”

“…Jayden?”

The owner of the voice, dressed smartly in the navy uniform of the Lawrence knights, now had the demeanor of a grown man. But the freckles on his face remained, and I couldn’t help but tear up.

Ah, to meet you here like this.

“Yes, Madam. But why the face? Should I not have come?”

Jayden scratched his curly brown hair.

“No, no. I’m just so happy to see you…”

“Hmm? We saw each other yesterday. I was sitting in a very visible spot at the wedding.”

“Was that so?”

I quickly brushed away the tears welling up in my eyes and smiled bashfully, but a part of my heart ached.

Before entering the academy, Jayden had been my only family and friend during my life on the streets. Though only a year apart, he looked five years younger than me because he was so malnourished.

Even when I was too exhausted and wanted to give up on everything, I couldn’t just leave Jayden, who seemed to be withering like a dry twig, and so I stubbornly persevered.

Fortunately, Lady Lawrence took responsibility for me while also showing kindness to Jayden by allowing him to stay at the Duke’s residence to do odd jobs.

Remarkably, he trained diligently, determined to repay her kindness, and eventually, he was knighted at a relatively young age.

After that, we were almost forced to live separate lives. The knights of a powerful family were as busy as the academy’s graduate healers, and being dispatched to the borders happened more often than I had expected. Due to various missions, especially after I started falling ill, I hardly saw him.

“Where are you planning to go so early in the morning?”

Jayden tilted his head in curiosity.

“And how are you here at this hour?”

“The Duke told me to stick close to you… I mean, to guard you.”

Overwhelmed with gratitude, I held his rough hand tightly, though the word “guard” puzzled me.

“Eek. Sister! No, Madam! You must maintain your dignity!”

He tried to pull his hand away in surprise, but I held on even tighter.

“It’s fine. You’re like my little brother!”

Then, acting like a strict teacher, Jayden finally pulled his hand away and lectured me.

“Still, you should act like the Duchess from now on.”

“I’m not going to act like a Duchess. Anyway, come with me. I’m going to see my mentor now.”

He furrowed his brows as if I were speaking nonsense, but I pretended not to notice and moved forward.

The sound of his confident footsteps following me brought back memories.

Being the Duchess was a series of experiences I had never encountered before. The most unfamiliar of these was tea time.

I was often invited to ladies’ tea parties, but it was completely different from replenishing my energy with sweet desserts after tiring research. It was a time meant solely for exchanging information, with the tea and snacks serving merely as a pretext.

At first, I followed Lady Lawrence around, learning to read the room. However, I couldn’t always rely on her, so over time, I began attending such gatherings alone.

It was then that I noticed the presence of escort knights.

Unlike me, whose escort changed every time, the other ladies almost always had the same person accompanying them. Realizing this too late, I cautiously brought it up during dinner with my husband one evening.

‘I went to the Russell Marquis’ house today.’

‘Trying to gather funds lately, they say. Wagging their tails like dogs again?’

Leopold, who was always on edge about political matters, scoffed. But that day’s tea party had been all about idle chatter.

Feeling a bit embarrassed, I lowered my gaze.

‘They didn’t mention funds… But everyone seemed to have a designated escort knight…’

He, who had been filling half his meal with wine, put down his cutlery completely.

‘So?’

His voice, momentarily interested, returned to its usual cold tone. I tried not to let it bother me and broached the topic I had kept to myself.

‘I was wondering if I could have Jayden as my personal escort knight…’

He paused, wine glass halfway to his lips, and looked at me as if he didn’t understand.

Soon, sharp words flowed from Leopold’s mouth.

‘You don’t need to report every trivial thing to me. Whether you take an escort or go alone, handle your personal affairs yourself. I’m not your parent.’

I wasn’t reporting; I just wanted to share my daily life. How many times had I told myself that it was natural to discuss even trivial matters with someone you loved?

Despite my unrequited love, out of stubbornness, I could have called Jayden as he suggested, but I never had a personal escort after that.

It was a silly pride of mine that Leopold wouldn’t care about.

***

The National Academy was located midway between the Lawrence Ducal residence and the Imperial Palace. Since the two places weren’t far apart, the academy was only a ten-minute carriage ride away.

I briefly considered riding there, but I didn’t want Leopold to become the talk of the town due to the Duchess’s childish actions.

Nobles could assign ridiculous meanings to the color of a bird in flight and argue about it for three hours straight.

Even as I found myself worrying about him, I felt a bit pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. Black ink on white cloth leaves a stain no matter how much you wash it.

As soon as I boarded the carriage in a relatively light dress, I opened the window. In the last year before my death, I had barely left the mansion, so I wanted to fully enjoy this rare outing. The soft morning sky, the warm breeze tickling my cheeks, and the noisy chirping of little birds filled me with joy.

For too long, my world had been devoid of color, warmth, and sound…

“Madam, please close the window. It’s dangerous.”

Unaware of my thoughts, Jayden, who was riding behind, approached the side of the carriage and nagged.

Suddenly, the title he used to address me grated on my nerves.