“Since we’re close, could you let it slide? And Jayden, can’t you just call me like you used to?”

“No, I can’t. What kind of crazy knight calls the person they’re serving ‘sister’?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he shook his head firmly.

“Well, that’s true, but…”

“You’ll get used to it! Now, I’ll tell them to set off.”

He seemed proud to be fulfilling his role as a proper escort knight, smiling with satisfaction.

Realizing that further persuasion wouldn’t work, I decided to focus on the scenery outside as we traveled.

However, once the carriage started moving, the view failed to capture my attention. The thought that I had returned to the past began to dominate my mind. While I could discuss why this happened with my mentor, it was the future that truly concerned me.

Leopold, who never hesitated to speak harshly, and I, who endured him. He ignored my desperate efforts and pleas, while I pretended not to notice my heart being torn apart.

It was only after my heart, once burning like dry wood, turned to ashes and all the embers had vanished that I realized I had burned myself in the process.

I shouldn’t have invested my entire life in such foolish emotions. Memories of the past began to recklessly dig into wounds that hadn’t yet healed.

As I wrestled with these thoughts, familiar buildings gradually came into view. After a simple identity check, we entered the academy grounds. The academy was very quiet in the early morning, with only the sound of the carriage signaling the start of the day. The wide grassy garden, the central fountain, benches scattered here and there, and the towering trees created a serene atmosphere. Over all of this, the laughter of joyful friends seemed to echo like a dream.

The silhouette beyond the tall, dense black iron fence was more than enough to stir nostalgia, and I struggled to hold back my tears.

“We’ve arrived.”

Just before my mood could completely sink, the carriage stopped, and Jayden’s voice accompanied the opening of the door.

“Madam, your hand.”

“Thank you. Let’s go to the dean’s office.”

“Yes!”

His spirited voice was both reassuring and enviable. I wondered what it might have been like to be born as ordinary as him. If my talent was destined to disappear, perhaps it would have been better if it had never existed…

“Madam, is something wrong? Just tell me. I can solve anything.”

Jayden asked abruptly, sounding concerned. Due to our height difference, he probably couldn’t see my face clearly, but he must have sensed my worries. I quickly forced a faint smile.

“I guess I’m just tired from waking up early. Ah, we’re here. Please wait for me outside.”

“Yes, take care.”

Leaving him, who tilted his head in curiosity, I stood before the heavy, dark brown door. After taking a deep breath, I knocked carefully.

“Come in.”

The stern and upright voice made my heart flutter. I tried to calm myself, took a steadying breath, and slowly pushed the door open. A woman with neatly braided silver hair was diligently writing something at the desk directly in front of me.

She was Isabel Rosa, a lifelong benefactor to me, second only to Lady Lawrence. Seeing the familiar crown of her head, which I had seen countless times during my eight years at the academy, filled me with emotion.

My mentor, who had been unable to tear her gaze away from the documents she was holding, finally looked up.

“Who could be here so early in the morning… Hazel?”

Her golden eyes glanced over her glasses, briefly flashing with recognition.

“Mentor!”

“Why is the new bride here so early in the morning? Not that I’m complaining.”

Smiling brightly, she stood up and embraced me warmly, as she always did, with affection.

It had been so long since I had experienced a hug like this.

Reluctantly, I let go, and she naturally stepped back.

“I have something to discuss with you.”

Sensing the seriousness in my voice, she raised an eyebrow but silently gestured for me to sit. Then she retrieved a tea set from the cupboard that occupied one wall of the dean’s office and fetched the ever-boiling kettle from above the fireplace.

“Go ahead, tell me.”

“I’m not sure where to start…”

As I shifted my gaze from the familiar kettle to the low table, I gathered my thoughts and spoke solemnly.

“To get straight to the point, Mentor, I think I’ve come back to the past.”

Her hand, which had been measuring out tea leaves, froze momentarily.

“What?”

“I died, Mentor.”

Startled, she straightened up. The teaspoon clattered to the floor, scattering tea leaves everywhere.

Anticipating such a reaction, I calmly continued while picking up the tea leaves with a handkerchief.

“To be precise, I will die five years from now. From an illness.”

“An illness? You, the most unprecedented healer since the academy was founded?”

My mentor, seemingly frozen in place, frowned deeply as she asked.

“That doesn’t make sense. For you to die from an illness, your abilities would have to disappear… Could it be…?”

Unable to finish her sentence, she sank onto the sofa.

“Yes, my abilities gradually disappeared. It sounds unbelievable, but… it’s true.”

After gathering all the tea leaves and setting them aside, I took a seat on the sofa opposite her.

“How could such a thing happen? Did you discuss it with me?”

“Well… I thought I could handle it on my own. By the time I realized I was in over my head, it was already too late…”

“And the cause? Surely you found something, right?”

Instead of answering, I quietly began brewing tea. I didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth would only bring more pain.

At first, I tried everything to cure my illness. I used all the knowledge I had, delved into ancient texts from centuries ago, and even sought out herbs from distant lands to create a remedy.

But the more I tried, the more hopeless I felt. All I confirmed was that it was impossible to cure myself with my own power.

Should I have confessed everything to the one who had caused my suffering?

Should I have blamed him, saying that his endless hurt had left me so dark inside that I couldn’t do anything anymore?

Would he have offered me love, even belatedly, if I had done that?

No, of course not.

I already knew too well that trying to win my husband’s heart while suffering for years was the most foolish thing I could do.

Letting go of expectations and giving up was far easier than enduring his cold gaze.

Suppressing a sigh, I spoke as if it were nothing.

“More than that, I’m here to ask if something like this is even possible.”

Her golden eyes, sharp as the sun, seemed to pierce through me. Feeling exposed, I looked down, and she replied in a voice that held no doubt.

“Returning to the past, well, it’s not entirely impossible.”

“Really?”

“But it’s not something just anyone can do, and strictly speaking, it shouldn’t be done.”

Leaning back in her chair, my mentor shook her head wearily. I didn’t know her exact age, but she wasn’t young, and such an unbelievable story must have drained her energy.

“I didn’t do it, since I’m dead. Could it be you, Mentor?”

She looked into the air as if trying to imagine it. Soon, her decisive gaze returned to me.

“I doubt it. Even if I were in the future, I wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry to be blunt, but even if you were to die right now, I wouldn’t go back to the past. It’s going against the natural order.”

“I understand. You’re someone who values principles.”

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t a bit hurt, but I could understand. My mentor was a stickler for rules, which was why she had led the academy for decades.

“But… if someone were to attempt it, honestly, as a scholar, I’d want to observe.”

Her added words surprised me, making my eyes widen.

“And if I really did help that ‘someone,’ they probably risked their life. Going against the flow usually ends in death. The gods wouldn’t forgive it.”

“Then is that person already dead?”

“Perhaps. They might be. If they’re alive and came back to the past with you, they probably won’t live long. I’m not sure, but that’s what I think.”

Suddenly, the awkward thumping of my heart came to mind.

Could it be…?

No, there was no way my husband would do such a thing. It was a confusing situation, and I must have heard wrong. He didn’t love me.

The idea of Leopold risking his life for such a gamble was absurd. Even if time were reversed, it wouldn’t be for me. There must have been another reason. I remembered the times he had broken me down when I was about to fall into delusion. Hazel, please.

Yet again, foolish hope began to rise, despite everything I had been through.

Even with my mentor in front of me, I couldn’t help but close my eyes tightly.

Moments where I felt suffocated surfaced in my consciousness as if they had been waiting.

‘I received a beautiful necklace from the jeweler Jeanne today. They said it was from you. Thank you.’

‘It was a reward for supporting Count Ludwig’s opinion on the land issues. You should thank the Countess instead.’

How much had my once-strong heart been worn down?

‘I’ve had no appetite, but I heard you specifically ordered fruits from the southern region. Thanks to that, I’m feeling a bit better.’

‘It’s a tribute from the southern principality of Rumatera. I was just assessing its value as a trade item, so don’t read anything into it.’

I mustn’t forget.

‘Leopold. It’s like a dream, being able to take a walk with you like this.’

‘You could come out anytime without me. Stop bothering people.’

Never, ever, should I hold onto hope.