Leopold’s evening routine always ended with reading. Despite the warm weather that prevented him from lighting a fire, he insisted on reading in front of the fireplace. If I sat on the sofa and waited, an opportunity for conversation would naturally arise.

As expected, after his bath, he came out, shaking his wet hair, and took a seat across from me. In one hand, he held a history book he had mentioned enjoying in his youth.

“Wouldn’t it be better if you went to bed early? You must be tired from teaching.”

His tone was filled with concern, which made my feelings complex. I wished I could pretend not to know and continue like this forever. However, I couldn’t keep staying here while keeping the master of the house away. Moreover, he had responsibilities as a lord to look after the estate and was an important figure who needed to discuss state affairs with His Majesty. I couldn’t let him waste time in the countryside indefinitely. Most importantly, I wanted to sort out my own unstable and confused feelings.

Hiding my true emotions, I spoke to him as if nothing was wrong.

“Rose was adorable, wasn’t she?”

“Yes.”

He opened the book, holding the bookmark, and lowered his gaze. Whether he was hiding it or not, a warm smile appeared on his composed face.

It was clear that his claim of disliking children was a lie. I couldn’t believe he had been cold to me because of that. Wouldn’t it be more realistic to expect that someone with such an expression would become a good father?

I silently stared at him. Sensing my gaze, Leopold looked up at me again.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, puzzled by my decision to stay instead of going upstairs.

Even though I knew I had to say it, my mouth wouldn’t open due to the turmoil inside. How much longer would I hear that beautiful voice? How many more times would I see his concerned face? At the end of this conversation, would I get the outcome I wanted?

“Can we talk…?”

Leopold’s face slightly stiffened, as if he sensed the heavy atmosphere. He closed the book, hesitated for a moment, and then slowly spoke.

“…Go ahead.”

Yet, I hesitated for a long time. Even though I had practiced many times in my head, having Leopold right in front of me made it hard to speak. I was on the verge of breaking this precarious balance with my own hands…

He waited patiently with a steady gaze, and finally, I spoke with difficulty.

“For someone who claims to dislike children, you seem quite affectionate…”

“They’re children; I can’t treat them coldly just because I say I dislike them.”

Leopold responded immediately, as if he had prepared for this. His tone was gentle, even though he didn’t smile.

“I understand why you’re saying this. But I really don’t like children.”

His additional words sounded hollow. The memories of him treating me with deception flashed quickly through my mind. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was acting again.

“…I find that hard to believe.”

“…..”

Why wasn’t he explaining more actively? He could have used his mother as an excuse. If he had said he wasn’t confident in raising children well because of childhood memories, I would have understood those feelings.

“If I wanted a child… what would you do?”

Would he suggest breaking up, as he couldn’t act poorly like before? Should I accept that immediately…? I looked at him bitterly. But Leopold gave a completely unexpected answer.

“There are often abandoned children in the estate. How about taking them in? Raise them as if they’re our own.”

It was hard to follow his train of thought. Instead of talking about separation, he suggested adopting someone else’s child. I had no objections to adoption, being an orphan myself, but this seemed entirely off-topic.

Unable to hide my bewilderment, I questioned him.

“They wouldn’t be my biological children. Are you saying you don’t want children with our bloodline, but orphans are fine? Or do you not want a deep connection with me?”

“No, that’s absolutely not it.”

Leopold strongly denied it, as if he was trying to calm me down. Then he spoke with a serious look.

“If you really want a child, I thought it would be better to have one in a way that isn’t hard on you. Giving birth is never easy.”

“I’m a healer. I can recover from that easily.”

Despite earnest persuasion, he shook his head as if there was nothing more to consider.

“I don’t want to see you endure the pain of having a child that I don’t even want.”

I was confused. Did he care enough about me to worry about the pain of childbirth, or was it just an excuse to assert his own opinion?

Honestly, if his desire not to have children was stronger than my wish to have them, I wouldn’t insist. I could be perfectly happy with just Leopold as my family for life. But having come this far, I wanted to know his true feelings.

“What if I’m okay with it? Then there’s no problem, right?”

“I’m not inclined to go that far.”

His expression was troubled, but his voice remained firm. I deliberately asked, pleadingly, “Can’t you change your mind for me? I want a child.”

“I’m sorry. That’s the one thing I really can’t do.”

Yet, Leopold showed no sign of hesitation. Was it something to refuse so flatly?

It was hard to hide my disappointment. How could he not even pretend to consider it, even as an empty gesture? If it were me, I would at least reconsider, no matter how much I disliked the idea, if it was something my loved one truly wanted.

Suddenly, a realization struck me.

Leopold didn’t love me… He was merely covering his past guilt of ignoring and dismissing me with love, deceiving even himself… That’s why he couldn’t bring himself to sacrifice for me…

Once I reached this conclusion, I finally understood all his actions: hiding the truth after returning, trying to deceive me until the end, and even his cold, firm refusal.

In this life too, I was the only one still yearning for love.

***

A few days passed after the rather serious conversation, but Hazel didn’t show any particular change in her attitude. Their daily routines continued unchanged, and Leopold felt largely relieved. Of course, there were moments when she seemed awkward or kept a subtle distance, but those moments passed quickly.

“Alisa asked me to teach the children some basic first aid today. I’ll be back, so please check on the herbs once.”

“Got it. Have a good time.”

Watching her disappear, he let out a breath of relief. Once again, he felt grateful to the understanding Hazel.

What else could he say besides simply refusing?

To explain why he didn’t want children, he would have to confess everything about his birth: that he was born with a catastrophic power that killed his father at birth and left him cursed by his mother for life.

A heinous murderer.

The brainwashing he underwent from a young age was terrifying. Even though he had long realized it was inevitable, he couldn’t completely rid himself of the thought that he was a monster. Moreover, he vividly remembered a letter Hazel had sent during her academy days.

“…So I stood up to my mentor. Treating a criminal, really! How could anyone do such a horrible thing? One of them even killed his brother over an inheritance left by their parents. Even if I forgive everything else, as a healer, I can never forgive a murderer. You understand my feelings, don’t you, Duke?”

Before returning, he often had nightmares. Hazel appeared, shouting at him for being a murderer and shuddering in horror. Even knowing it was a dream, it was so painful he wished he could die. He never wanted to see her hate him like his mother did.

Even if her reaction was entirely different, it would still be a problem.

It wasn’t hard to imagine Hazel comforting him like Isabel did when he was a child, saying it wasn’t his fault. But if she tried to convince him that it was okay to have children because his power was gone…

In reality, Leopold’s power hadn’t disappeared, so a monster that could kill its mother could be born. Also, if his lie was exposed and it was discovered he was the caster, Hazel would surely try to heal him. Then she would end up using her precious life force on him…

Either way, it was an outcome he absolutely didn’t want.

Leopold reminded himself once more that not revealing the truth was the wise choice. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but he was sure there was no better way.

Having finished the tasks Hazel asked of him, he left the house to clear his mind. Ensuring that she could live the rest of her life without seeing any shadows of death was now the most important thing. For example, the bandits he encountered on the way to D’Agnon must never threaten Hazel’s life.

After checking the condition of the dagger at his waist, Leopold headed to the mountains to eliminate the remaining bandits.