I had a restless dream. It felt as though I was wandering on the edge of death, tormented by nightmares.

There he was, torn limb from limb. No matter how much magic I poured into him, he ultimately died. He was covered in blood, pleading for his life, looking at his own corpse and blaming me for not saving him…

When I woke up drenched in sweat, it was already afternoon. My last memory was surely of being in the mountains…

‘Hazel. Calm down. It’s all right. Don’t cry.’

Suddenly, I heard a voice soothing me.

“Leopold…”

I woke up instantly. I had seen him clearly before losing consciousness. A nightmare is just a nightmare, different from reality… Still, I felt I wouldn’t be reassured until I saw him with my own eyes, so I forced myself to open them.

Standing in front of the bedroom door, fear crept over me. What if he wasn’t there? What if my last memory was just part of a dream…

It took several attempts at self-reassurance before I could knock.

“Leopold, are you there?”

But no answer came. Growing anxious, I was about to knock again with my clenched fist when—

“Hazel. I’m here.”

I turned my head toward the sound. Leopold was looking at me from a few steps down.

“I heard movement, so I came up. Did you sleep well? How do you feel—”

Without thinking, I ran to him and hugged him tightly. With both arms, I held him close, feeling every bit of him.

He was alive, after all…

Thank goodness…

Perhaps because I felt relieved, tears welled up again. He disliked seeing me cry; I needed to hold back…

Leopold, who had been standing stiffly in surprise, slowly wrapped his arms around me. The firm sensation of his arms moving from my shoulders to my back brought me comfort.

“Sorry for scaring you.”

I swallowed my sobs several times. I was the one who should have apologized. I knew it was dangerous but hadn’t told him sooner. Yet, whenever I tried to speak, only sobs came out.

“It’s okay to cry. Don’t hold back.”

I nodded quietly in his broad embrace. He gently patted me and whispered in a low voice.

“I was making tea. Should we go down?”

I gave a small nod, and suddenly I was lifted into the air. Naturally, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. Partly because I didn’t want him to see my tear-streaked face, and partly out of embarrassment.

Leopold carried me effortlessly to the sofa in front of the fireplace. But instead of setting me down, he murmured while standing there.

“Let’s stay like this for a moment…”

He held me closer, tightening his grip as if he would never let go. Then, he slowly paced around the sofa.

I became acutely aware of his heartbeat, something I hadn’t noticed before. Leopold’s heart, which I had often worried about, was beating perfectly normally, albeit a bit fast from tension.

I couldn’t discern his intent. Was he comforting me until I calmed down, or did he want to stay like this a bit longer? I hoped for the latter, but it was time to part from him. My feelings were becoming clearer.

“The water… it seems to be boiling too much…”

Using the sound of the kettle as an excuse, I asked him to put me down. He paused, then gently set me on the sofa.

“I’ll be right back. Just wait a moment.”

Even though it was only a short distance, he spoke as if reassuring me before heading to the kitchen. Yesterday’s events must have weighed on his mind. After all, I had fainted…

I tidied my face, rested my arms on my knees, and propped my chin on my hands. Then I carefully observed his back.

I wanted to remember every little movement, so I wouldn’t forget him for a long time.

I wanted to remember everything about him, whom I loved with all my heart.

Leopold, who liked to keep his hair neatly styled and considered it a virtue, naturally let his hair down while in D’Agnon.

His bangs, which fell lower than his eyebrows, sometimes seemed to obstruct his view. Although he occasionally swept them aside with his hand, there were times when he brushed them away with a slightly irritated flick of his head, which made me smile with its touch of humanity.

His long fingers, which I particularly admired, were as sculpted as his face. Beneath perfectly groomed nails, his fingers were long, and his knuckles were quite pronounced. The veins on the back of his hand, extending from those curved lines, made me imagine him wielding a sword.

The large cup that required both my hands to hold looked like a delicate teacup for noblewomen in his hands. I briefly imagined Leopold’s thoughts, wondering if he felt like he was playing house, but then realized he probably never had such an ordinary childhood, which made my heart ache.

He placed the cups neatly on the table and poured the steaming water. His profile, as he looked down seriously with one hand resting on the table, was beautiful. His sharp nose remained dignified, and his strong jawline added a sense of elegance to his sharp demeanor.

Perhaps due to the lower ceiling compared to the mansion, his already tall frame seemed even larger in Alisa’s house. I often wondered if he could reach the ceiling if he stretched his hand, but I would probably never find out.

Leopold handed me a cup and sat down.

“It’s not too hot, but still, be careful.”

After taking a slow sip and clearing my throat, I finally spoke.

“Thank you.”

He shook his head slightly, as if it was nothing, and cautiously began to speak.

“Yesterday…”

His clear green eyes were filled with worry. Unable to bear that gaze, I lowered my eyes slightly. Could I truly assure him there would be no reason for him to make such an expression again?

“What happened yesterday was my fault. I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier about the explosives…”

The horrific scene replayed in my mind, sending a shiver down my spine. I involuntarily hunched my shoulders slightly.

“Are you okay?”

“…I’m fine.”

“Don’t feel sorry. I realized there were explosives right away, and it wasn’t a problem for me at all. Really.”

His urgent question and trembling voice revealed his concern. Even though it stemmed from guilt, it was a tender sentiment I wanted to hold deep in my heart.

“I wanted to eliminate the remnants of the bandits. As long as you stayed here, they would always be a threat.”

As he continued to explain, I turned my gaze to him.

“Then those bloodstains…”

“Yes, they were from them.”

“…It’s a relief for the villagers too.”

I took a sip of the warm tea. Having understood the situation, it was time to move on to the next step. There was no benefit in delaying…

Leopold still looked at me, unable to erase his worry. I took a very slow, deep breath. I closed my eyes once, and after promising myself again not to cry, I resolutely began to speak.

“When I thought you were dead, I wanted to die with you.”

His face twisted in shock.

I continued speaking, pretending not to notice.

“Even though I regained my life, the thought of losing you made everything feel meaningless. It was as if my world revolved entirely around you, Leopold Lawrence. Even when I was dying and when I was sure I had gained a new life, I vowed not to live that way…”

It was a despair I never wanted to feel again. I wondered if you felt even a little similar when I died. But now, there’s no need to know.

I took a breath and looked straight at him.

“I still love you, Leopold.”

His brow furrowed even more. His lips parted slightly as if to say something, but I was a little faster.

“But that love… it’s too, too hard. And now, I want to cherish my life just as much. …I don’t want to recklessly throw myself at you like before.”

Continuing to speak was so difficult. I was starting to run out of breath.

“There were so many things happening on the way here. My heart was confused and dizzy. It wasn’t me at the center, but you.”

Leopold covered his mouth with one hand and closed his eyes as if in pain. He must have realized what I was about to say…

“But here, in D’Agnon, it was a bit different. Until you arrived, and even after meeting you, it was a little…”

I paused, took another sip of tea. It was a contradictory moment, hoping for it to end soon yet wishing it wouldn’t.

“There were more things to do than I thought. So many things that could distract me.”

He looked at me again. His deep green eyes, like leaves reflected in a river, were completely wet.

“Like when I was attending the academy… I felt alive. People needed me, and I was proud to be able to help them… Above all, being busy allowed me to bury thoughts of you a little. It didn’t hurt or make me sad. But after what happened yesterday…”

I turned my gaze away from him. I no longer had the courage to look into those eyes.

“I realized anew. As long as you’re in front of me, and as long as we’re strangers to each other, I’ll live my life swayed by you forever. I might forget my life again and cling only to you, just like in the past. Honestly, that’s not normal.”

Ah, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

I stood up to avoid him, fearing that looking into his eyes would make me burst into tears. Standing with my back to the sofa, I looked out at the sunset through the window. I had to say it now.

“…So please, let me go, Leopold.”

There was silence for a while after my difficult request. Even if he said no, my decision was firm.

Leopold approached and blocked my view.

“Hazel… I, I…”

He trailed off, choked with emotion. If that’s the extent of his guilt and desire for forgiveness, it’s enough…

“Let go of your guilt too. …No matter what happened in the past, it’s all over now. Just hearing you say you’re sorry… I’m really… really okay…”

My voice trembled more and more. In the end, not wanting to show him my tears, I clung to him and bowed my head. If only I could control my tears as freely as my limbs.

I gritted my teeth and suppressed the rising emotions. Then, I clearly conveyed my final intention.

“…Please leave. I’m begging you.”

He didn’t move at all.

“…I’m going to stay at Aunt Helena’s for a while. …When I return to this house… I hope you’re not here.”

I wiped away my falling tears and left the house as if fleeing. I wanted to say goodbye face-to-face, but I feared my hard-won resolve would crumble.

I went to Alisa, asking her not to ask anything, and spent time quietly. After a long while, when twilight descended, I headed back home.

Standing at the entrance with a trembling heart, I slowly pushed the handle. The darkness that seeped through the crack in the door greeted me first. I mustered the strength to fully open the door.

In the wide-open empty house, there was only silence.

—
T/N: NOOOOOO I AM SO SAD WHY IS THIS HAPPENING