It wasn’t a new realization. If he hadn’t been born, the father in the portrait might still be alive, and his mother would be walking freely on her own two legs. He wouldn’t have married Hazel, so she could have lived a long, healthy life.

His very existence felt like a sin.

The belief that had bound him all his life remained unchanged even after his return. He should have let Hazel go as she wished. He should have vanished from her sight. Blinded by the happiness of the moment she came back to life, he had clung to his selfish desires, wasting Hazel’s precious time and energy.

How could he have been so foolish? Even to the very end.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it felt like for her to speak of love and farewell together, shedding tears of sadness from her beautiful eyes.

As he walked away from her, Leopold gritted his teeth. He held back tears until the blood vessels in his eyes nearly burst. Did he even deserve to feel such anguish? He had hurt Hazel once again.

The self-loathing he had momentarily forgotten quickly consumed him. He even felt a sense of relief in his anger and hatred toward himself. This kind of darkness suited him well. Therefore, he had to return to being the original Leopold Lawrence: cold, indifferent, and sometimes harsh.

Upon returning to the manor, the first order he gave to Peter was to maintain silence. Even the dull employees didn’t dare to speak carelessly. However, some of the knights who constantly followed Leopold lacked the ability to read the atmosphere.

That’s why he called Jayden aside.

“Master, you called for me.”

Jayden’s nose was red, perhaps from patrolling the White Forest. Leopold didn’t want to reprimand someone working hard for the estate, but it was better to give a proper warning now to avoid future problems.

Leopold handed over the last page of the most recent newspaper. Although it was the latest edition, it had been published over a month ago. It was a mistake not to keep up with the news due to the Ice Land issue.

Jayden, looking puzzled, took the newspaper and, after checking its content, exclaimed excitedly.

“Wow, Master, I said this! It’s really published? But why didn’t they include my name? They should have mentioned my name.”

Seeing him so childishly delighted was absurd. Of course, Jayden was indeed one of the younger members of the knight order, but this wasn’t an issue to be overlooked for that reason.

Leopold furrowed his brow deeply and spoke as if he were tossing the words.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Pardon?”

“I told you to keep everything that happens in the manor confidential.”

“Ah… I mean, I didn’t think it would be a problem since it was just my impressions…”

Leopold sighed at Jayden’s flustered attempt to explain with a silly expression.

“Even if it was something you felt on your own.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Only when Leopold’s face turned cold did Jayden seem to come to his senses, answering with a determined voice. Leopold watched him quietly before asking a question without much thought.

“By the way, do I look troubled?”

“Uh, well… yes.”

Jayden hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement. If others perceived it that way, it was clearly his oversight. He had trained himself for a long time to avoid letting others make assumptions about him.

“What makes you say that?” Leopold asked.

“You seem to have lost some weight, and your expression is always dark. It would be nice if the lady returned soon,” Jayden replied.

“…I see. Got it. You may leave now.”

The mention of Hazel made his head throb painfully. Leopold dismissed Jayden and rang the bell on the table. Shortly after, Peter entered with a bottle of wine, placing it on the table by the window and uncorking it. A servant followed, neatly arranging sliced ham, grilled cheese, and a few pieces of fruit. Once they had completed their tasks, they quietly disappeared.

Without glancing at the plate, Leopold picked up the glass and drank the wine like water, using it as a substitute for dinner. He thought there was no point in such arrangements when he couldn’t taste anything, but Peter continued to prepare a variety of side dishes daily. They would all be cleared away untouched anyway.

Jayden’s comment about his weight loss suddenly came to mind. Perhaps he should pay a little more attention to his appearance; rumors could snowball quickly.

He forced a slice of ham into his mouth. It tasted only slightly salty, with no other flavor. He chewed a bit before swallowing and reached for the wine glass again. When he was with Hazel, he pretended to enjoy the food, and it almost felt like he could taste it.

“Did you know how to cook?” she had asked.

“…It’s delicious!” she exclaimed.

Watching her admiration, he had silently praised himself for learning in advance. It had been quite a struggle to learn without being able to taste, but he managed.

Leopold tried to push thoughts of Hazel away by putting a piece of cheese in his mouth. Maybe focusing on the sensation of chewing would blur her image a little.

Eating had been a torment since he lost his sense of taste. He endured mealtimes like training in swordsmanship. Fortunately, as he grew, eating became a habit, something he could do automatically. So, gaining a bit of weight again shouldn’t be too difficult. For Hazel’s sake, he could even do it with a smile.

In truth, he would have scoffed at something like a newspaper article at any other time, but being apart from Hazel now, it was better to be cautious about even trivial matters.

Nobles loved to gossip, and Hazel was a subject of interest to everyone. If rumors started circulating that he looked tired or thin, they would eagerly chatter about what the healer’s wife was doing. Moreover, journalists never missed such trivial rumors.

Even in the countryside, it wasn’t hard to get a newspaper, and Hazel enjoyed reading them. Regardless of the truth, news that might cause her concern could reach her ears.

As his thoughts reached that point, Leopold felt a familiar tightness in his chest. It seemed as though his impending death was drawing nearer. What troubled him wasn’t fear, but the overwhelming worry about the emotional pain Hazel would endure afterward. She was kind and sincere, so she would undoubtedly grieve, and he would never be able to comfort her…

He had witnessed firsthand in D’Agnon how Hazel had crumbled helplessly.

Moreover, he recalled another memory.

‘Hazel recently lost a patient she had been caring for. From what I’ve gathered, the dean deliberately assigned her a patient with no chance of recovery. She cries every day, blaming herself, and as a result, she’s almost unable to lead a normal life.’

Leopold, who used to receive detailed reports about Hazel’s school life, was taken aback by Peter’s story. He had never seen her cry, but strangely, he often imagined that scene. He couldn’t concentrate on his work and frequently felt unwell. Eating, which was already a difficult and frustrating task, became even more burdensome, causing him discomfort every time. This continued until Hazel regained her strength.

Later, after reading the letter she wrote, pouring out her feelings about how painful and difficult losing a patient was, he discreetly spoke to Isabel to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

Therefore, he contemplated various ways to conceal his death from Hazel. The best option seemed to be leaving the empire. If he spread rumors that he had settled in another country after seeking asylum… It wouldn’t be easy, but it was worth trying.

After finishing a bottle of wine, he headed to the underground prison. Inspecting the condition of the natives every evening was essential. It was part of being perceived as a benevolent ruler by them—an approach necessary to win over the natives of the frozen land.

The natives likely had no intention of abandoning their homes to enter the Lawrence estate, and Leopold wasn’t planning to accept them as his subjects either. However, he was willing to provide food in exchange for a certain amount of labor from them. Negotiating with the natives was the only long-term way to avoid unnecessary conflicts, so it was worth investing time in.

Although they were imprisoned, he ensured they wouldn’t shiver from the cold by placing a brazier in the central corridor to provide warmth and distributing new clothes and blankets. He also instructed that they be well-fed at every meal.

Initially filled with suspicion, the natives gradually relaxed, and some even greeted him warmly.

After leading a knight to check on all the hostages, he meticulously examined the child they had captured first. The child wasn’t very young, appearing to be around fourteen or fifteen. With a full belly, the child was sprawled out, snoring in sleep. Thinking he should ask the child’s name tomorrow, Leopold turned back toward his study.

There were many issues in the Lawrence estate that needed addressing, aside from matters related to Hazel.

It was when he emerged from the underground and reached the main building’s first floor.

By now, most of the knights and employees should have finished their dinner, but the atmosphere was different from usual. At this time, the mansion was typically quieter than ever. He tilted his head in puzzlement at the distant, boisterous chatter and quickened his pace.

“Oh! Your Grace!”

“Come quickly!”

“The lady has finally—”

“Returned!”

A path formed between the knights and employees, who were shouting excitedly.

And at the end of that path, there she stood, looking directly at him—the woman he thought he would never see again in his lifetime.