Serena had never put these emotions into clear words and expressed them to anyone.

Because it was a fear that she had never acknowledged to herself.

But not acknowledging it ultimately meant admitting that it was shaking her heart.

Serena had been abandoned countless times.

From the orphanage until now, continuously.

Even Lemerun’s betrayal was abandonment.

If dragging a tool that had outlived its usefulness into a joint suicide wasn’t abandonment, then what was it?

She doesn’t expect anything.

Because if there are no expectations, there are no disappointments.

But the human heart doesn’t work as intended, so no matter how much you deny it, there are some things that will inevitably hurt you somewhere.

Human relationships are like that.

She hates and despises Lemerun. She finds him irritating and resents him.

But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t hurt when he drank alone and pushed the button.

It was the same when she was kicked out of the orphanage. At 17, she was kicked out to live alone because there was no more money.

Although she always lived without expectations, she couldn’t help but be hurt because she had spent a long time looking at the orphanage director.

Even when she waited for over 3 hours on the street for a promise she made with children who approached her claiming to be friends, she was hurt despite not having expectations.

Being abandoned is like that.

Even though you didn’t expect it, even though you didn’t want it, at some point your body that has become soaked is pushed into a fire pit before it can dry.

It’s like that, even if the soaked body dries, there will always be burn marks left somewhere on the body.

It was better if everyone hated her.

Because if they don’t approach pretending to be kind, there’s no reason to give her heart.

She didn’t want to call anyone’s name, really. She didn’t want to use any meaningful titles.

Because she knew that at that moment, it would become a shackle in the name of a relationship without her even realizing it.

She knows.

She knows everything.

But… Serena knew that the moment she recognized it, she would crumble.

So she’s been living desperately denying it.

And for her, Magnus was overwhelming. He’s honest and straightforward, without lies.

Once he decides to move forward, he just moves forward without thinking further.

When he thinks to stop, he stops.

From the moment he confessed his feelings, he’s been confessing at every opportunity.

That was too overwhelming for Serena.

“…I won’t abandon you.”

“…Everyone in the world hates me, Magnus. That’s natural. That’s what I thought.”

Serena said.

“But you tell me you like me. Then, the premise that everyone in the world hates me disappears. It becomes most people in the world hate me.”

Magnus frowned at Serena’s words.

He didn’t like her eyes that looked as if they were dead, but he didn’t interrupt her words.

“That means, in other words, that nothing in the world is natural.”

“……”

“So you not abandoning me is not an absolute thing. People’s hearts can change at any time and people can… point a sword at someone they were whispering love to just yesterday.”

Serena spoke again in front of the silent Magnus.

She thought it couldn’t be helped if he lost his affection for her. She thought it would be better if they both lost their affection for each other now.

As she talks, she even considers showing her rock bottom.

With that expression getting more and more tired, more tired than this… Serena would rather wait to be abandoned.

If she’s going to be abandoned, she knows it’s better for recovery to be abandoned quickly.

That’s a fact she learned firsthand.

“I don’t trust people in the first place.”

“……”

Serena said coldly.

Yet Magnus remains silent with an expressionless face.

“I won’t love you either.”

To the person she was kissing just a moment ago, she sharpens her words and spits out cold words.

“You haven’t done anything wrong. From beginning to end, I’m the one who’s wrong.”

Serena knows how not to get hurt.

She also knows how to get hurt less.

Just blame everything on yourself and acknowledge it first, that’s all.

Just don’t expect anything and keep your distance, that’s all.

Just don’t get personally involved and don’t meet often, that’s all.

Since you’ll be thrown away when you become useless, just prove your usefulness, that’s all.

Useful ones are not abandoned.

Kim Chul-soo and Lemerun were like that. They kept her around while mistreating her because she was useful.

If you have money, you won’t be lonely. Everything will be fine if you just have money.

It doesn’t matter if you’re alone.

When was she ever not alone?

Serena has always been alone from the moment she could remember until now.

It’s harder to find a time when she wasn’t alone.

Yes, everything will be comfortable if it just goes according to plan.

She will be able to enjoy a life of living quietly alone without being hated more, and living comfortably off others to a moderate degree.

Serena knew better than anyone the information she had gained based on her numerous experiences.

She also knew well that if you have value, you won’t be abandoned.

So she just wants to ask.

‘What’s my value to Magnus?’

She couldn’t understand why he, with the name Duke Magnus von Kelahinum, was acting like this towards someone like Serena.

If he needed a woman, he could have found any number of women to silence.

Money? Honor? Business? He has everything.

In fact, the business he said he would help Serena with would be like child’s play to him.

Because his wealth must be so enormous.

That’s why.

That’s why it doesn’t make sense.

‘Why? For what reason?’

Serena thought.

‘Why on earth is he doing this to me?’

Serena used to think this every time she saw him.

But she never found the answer.

“I don’t really understand why you’re doing this to me.”

“I told you I like you.”

“That’s what I understand the least.”

Magnus frowned at those words.

“Which part?”

“Why do you like someone like me? I don’t even know why you like me. I don’t like you. There are plenty of women in the world who’s better than me. In looks, personality, reputation, connections.”

Serena spoke her honest feelings. It felt like it would be a bit difficult if she didn’t.

It’s intuition.

An intuition that if she doesn’t shake off this man here, she might fall into a hell worse than hell.

“Right.”

Magnus nodded.

“What you say is correct.”

He affirmed Serena’s words.

Serena felt a throbbing in one corner of her heart, but she pretended to be indifferent and put on an expressionless face.

That was one of the expressions Serena was as good at as smiling.

It’s an expression that no one has noticed until now. It was the final form of her patience, as she’s used to enduring.

“I’m glad you understand. So stop doing useless things now. If there’s something I need to do as the duchess, I’ll do it…”

“Certainly, there might be many women in the world better than you.”

“……”

Serena nodded at Magnus’s calm words.

“There might be many with better personalities than you.”

“I suppose so.”

“There might be mountains of people with better reputations and connections than you.”

“…Right.”

Serena affirmed.

She brainwashed herself to convince herself. You just have to believe it like that.

The moment you believe it yourself, it becomes the truth.

Serena recalled the three lives she had endured like this until now. Strictly speaking, it’s her second time in this body, so this is her fourth life.

“There might be dozens of carriages full of people with better looks than you.”

“…That’s a bit…”

Serena refuted that, thinking it wasn’t quite right.

Because even on the streets, appearances superior to Serena’s, who had received the buff of the pretty villainess position, were not common.

Pastel pink hair, fair and white skin! And pink lips to boot!

It doesn’t seem quite right that there would be dozens of carriages with this kind of appearance.

“Not dozens of carriages… This appearance…? Ah, if I go outside, there wouldn’t be hundreds of carriages of people with more incredible looks than me…”

“Still, there’s only one Serena Lavernia. There’s only one Duchess Serena Kelahinum.”

Serena’s attempt to subtly lighten the mood was cut off by Magnus’s words.