“Can’t we start over from there?”

Her heart plummeted with a thud then started racing madly the next moment. Feeling this, the Duke’s heart pressed against her also beat rapidly. Instead of answering, Nelie buried her face deeper in his embrace. She liked that sound, it was proof that he was alive.

“I know… I made many mistakes.”

Unlike his earlier sharp tone, gentle words followed. Unable to move much in this situation, the Duke very carefully stroked Nelie’s back.

“I didn’t know because it was my first time.”

“……”

“Because everything was a first.”

“…You said you didn’t treat other women this way.”

Nelie squeezed her eyes shut then opened them. Though her voice trembled terribly, that wasn’t the important issue. The Duke continued stroking her back while answering.

“I never gave my body or kisses to other women.”

“……”

“So I never had to treat them that way. The only one I treated that way……”

Was you.

A tiny whisper followed. Nelie realized this was the Duke’s true feelings. What followed was that most newspapers that ran scandalous articles about the Duke were gossip rags.

‘Even though I hadn’t fully believed the romance with Princess Lambert.’

Why had she so easily believed there were other women? Looking back now, she realized she had clearly been influenced by a kind of prejudice as well—the prejudice of the Duke’s phantom crafted by all sorts of sensational media. Feeling choked up, Nelie deliberately squirmed and hugged the Duke’s back in response.

“I… I was telling the truth when I said it was my first time too.”

“I know.”

“There’s only been Your Grace.”

His arms holding her tightened at those words. A long sigh burst from above.

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“……”

“Though that happened at our first meeting… I just thought, your skills seemed decent too. I thought if I taught you properly, you wouldn’t draw such pictures anymore. But……”

The Duke’s chin gently touched Nelie’s crown.

“But I couldn’t control myself whenever I saw you.”

Nelie buried her face in the Duke’s shoulder just like that. Even knowing he couldn’t look down at her, she wanted to hide her flushing cheeks that way.

“I thought I wouldn’t need to touch you anymore, but when I came to my senses, I kept sticking to you like a madman.”

The Duke didn’t stop talking even then. He would pause to think, then continue, think some more and go on. The words flowed sporadically.

“Then… when the marriage pressure came. That’s when I think I decided.”

“…Decided what?”

“Since you were there, I didn’t need to marry another woman. So……”

Words that seemed hesitant flowed out again. They contained a hint of guilt.

“I decided to make you my mistress instead. And that you didn’t need to know that.”

Though she already knew this, it felt like thorns caught in her throat. The Duke who had admitted it so readily quickly took back his words.

“I’m sorry.”

“I hate it.”

“I’m sorry, Annelie.”

“Stop it.”

Words that seemed impossible for him to say echoed in her ears. She felt both happy and upset about it. They say when people say things they never did before, it means their time has come. Of all times, in this situation. She hated that she couldn’t properly accept his apology.

If she was going to hear it, she wanted to hear it somewhere else, not here. Something kept welling up from her solar plexus and crawling up her throat.

When Nelie buried her face in his neck refusing to listen anymore, the Duke quietly stroked her waist. Soon a small voice continued.

“But thinking about it……”

“……”

“I think I wanted you to be my lover, not my mistress.”

The moment the question she had wanted to ask came out as the Duke’s affirmation, Nelie pressed her face harder into his shoulder. It took great effort not to cry. The Duke whispered while gently caressing her over and over.

“I wanted to go to nice places together, hold hands while walking, give you nice things.”

“……”

“That’s why I kept touching and bothering you. I couldn’t control myself when I saw you.”

“Your Grace.”

“You were just.”

“……”

“I think I liked you too much.”

“Really?”

“I just… liked everything about you.”

When Elroy whispered, Nelie trembled. She swallowed and answered.

“Say it again.”

“I like you.”

“Again.”

“I like you, Annelie Heich.”

“Do you just like me?”

“I……”

“I love you, Your Grace.”

The Duke’s body trembled like a shiver at those words. Before the Duke could say anything, Nelie quickly added.

“I love you. I… thinking about it, I’ve felt this way since we first met.”

Looking back, from that moment she saw that beautiful, otherworldly man under the bright lights of that art museum, Nelie’s heart had been pounding hard. Back then she thought it was just because she had seen something so beautiful. Even when she couldn’t forget him and left him on canvas under the pretext of revenge. Forgetting her habit of only putting things she found valuable, things she loved, on paper.

Soon the Duke let out a mischievous laugh even while trembling. Unlike his submissive attitude until now, briefly returning to his original self.

“The day we first met?”

“Yes.”

“When was that?”

“…What?”

“…Never mind.”

The Duke who had been quietly laughing kissed Nelie’s forehead again. Though something felt off, that unease was forgotten by the Duke’s words that followed.

“Me too.”

“……”

“Thinking about it, me too, from when we first met.”

I loved you.

Elroy slowly recalled the shabby Annelie Heich who smelled of ink and pigments. Annelie Heich, who he couldn’t tell where she had rolled in from, who grabbed him carelessly making him suspect she was a woman used to men.

Though he had been disgusted by the ink marks the woman left on him, thinking about it now, it must have been closer to an instinctive rejection of how the woman’s traces on him wouldn’t easily wash away. He couldn’t help but love those eyes that seemed like they would make the sound of clear glass whenever they met.

If he hadn’t fallen for her like that, how could he have found Annelie Heich at once in that complex art museum? How could he have secretly felt jealous of the man whose hand she held, tried to tear her down as a loose woman?

Though he tried hard to sort out his feelings that way, here he was after going round and round.

Elroy could be certain. That even without the incident of that illustration Annelie drew, he might have found her. That the moment they happened to meet somewhere, he would have approached and spoken to her.

Asked where she came from. If she knew this wasn’t their first meeting. That she had done quite an impudent thing to him. That he would have made up nonexistent facts just to have an excuse to talk to her.

She was that kind of woman. A woman who always caught his eye among the many crowds. A woman who captured him at once even in that shabby state.

“The illustration wasn’t important to begin with.”

“…I knew.”

“I didn’t care whether it insulted me or not. Being the Duke of Tevant means being in that kind of position.”

“Taking that for granted seems a bit much though.”

In the dark and precarious space, only each other’s voices and heartbeats provided comfort. Among the dust smell drifting around and the dizzying debris that seemed ready to collapse through even the beams, they could only rely on each other.

“I… because you said you would give me what I wanted.”

“……”

“I thought Your Grace made me win the competition too.”

“That much wasn’t me.”

“I thought you came looking for me to get your ring back.”

“The ring already arrived, Annelie. What I came looking for……”

Nelie fluttered her eyelashes when the Duke gently stroked her lower abdomen with his elbow. The consistently gentle atmosphere twisted for a moment.

“You said you hate bastards.”

“It wouldn’t be a bastard if we marry.”

The answer left her speechless. She felt the disappointment and hurt that had been growing suddenly flee in surprise at those words. She wanted to see the Duke’s eyes but felt frustrated that she couldn’t.

“I thought it would be good if you were pregnant.”

“……”

“Then I could easily make you the Duchess.”

“Would you really do that?”

“What reason would I have not to?”

They talked like that for a while. Things they hadn’t been able to say. Misunderstandings they had held onto. Or things they could understand without needing many words.

Nelie realized anew. That this too could be what lovers were like. Not always just comforting each other, but sometimes even hurting each other. In the end, if they could just hold hands and resolve the hurt built up between them.

Acknowledging that made the body she held feel even more desperate. Nelie quietly stroked the Duke’s back and asked,

“Would it be bad to keep talking?”

“Maybe.”

“Because the air is running out……”

“Well.”

But stopping felt like they would lose consciousness right away. In the already stuffy air, their consciousness that they barely held onto grew hazier. The sporadic conversation that had continued also started to stop at some point. All sorts of dizziness and ringing invaded their heads, and their bodies trapped under debris grew dull. Meanwhile, Elroy slowly opened his mouth.

“Strange. I should be scared of dying.”

“……”

“This doesn’t seem so bad right now.”