Chapter 4 – As Much as the Thrilled

As they sipped wine, one glass, then two, So-yeon and Seo-jun shared quite a lot of conversation.

‘You’re trying to do something that requires a lot of determination, Eom So-yeon. Being an actor is not just about what you see.’

‘Is there any job that’s not hard? You have to overcome it with willpower. Even if it’s an unfamiliar path, if there’s a clear goal, you have to go for it. Even if the best choice ends up hurting you, even if you regret it.’

This small woman was surprisingly strong-willed.

That fact plunged Seo-jun into a long silence. He wondered what he was doing with this woman, who had just shed her girlishness, when he couldn’t even trust his own feelings.

The crystal lighting cast deep shadows on his sculpted face. Over it, a faint smile appeared.

It was a self-mocking smile.

Seeing that smile, So-yeon’s face turned slightly red.

As the alcohol accumulated within her, So-yeon’s wariness gradually loosened, and the occasional informal speech mixed into his consistently low and smooth voice seemed to tempt her.

Is this what it feels like to be in love? Does being alone with a man make your heart flutter and feel all soft and strange like this? Or is it because he’s excessively handsome that I’m wavering?

Her head, tangled with complex thoughts, felt hot.

10:30 PM.

After checking the wall clock and clearing the glass from the table, Seo-jun stood up from the dining chair. He intended to end the drinking session.

“Now, tell me. What do you want?”

An unexpected encounter. It began with a request and ended with a compensation. And he was speaking of that ending. So-yeon, who approached closely under Seo-jun’s chin, looked up at him tightly.

Wasn’t there no other man who made me feel so excited? Even if I don’t know about dating, couldn’t he at least let me know a feeling similar to ‘love’? Even if I regret it, wouldn’t it be a little less? I don’t think I’ll meet a man who attracts me this strongly again…

The scathing voice of that director Yoon or whatever seemed to echo in So-yeon’s mind, making her feel anxious.

Already, from the moment in the elevator, So-yeon’s thoughts, with her heart trembling and soul snatched away, flowed in a dangerous direction.

If I wake up tomorrow and he’s not there, this might be the last time. 

That urgent feeling kept pushing So-yeon impulsively. Perhaps, not only for herself but also for Seo-jun, who was betrayed by love, the warmth of a person could be a comfort.

“You said anything earlier, right?”

“I could offer more than that.”

The instinct of a twenty-two-year-old, awakened by her first kiss, was something even she couldn’t understand. Encouraged by Seo-jun’s generous answer, So-yeon finally spoke.

“Can I hold you? Me… Tae Seo-jun.”

“……”

They had already kissed, so it couldn’t just be about a hug. Did she know what she meant by her words?

Seo-jun, seemingly understanding the sparkling and shimmering gaze, let out a soft laugh.

“Haven’t you heard that you shouldn’t trust people so easily?”

Anyway, So-yeon thought her meeting with Seo-jun would end today.

“If that’s what you considered before speaking.”

“……”

Seo-jun’s heart began to pound fiercely.

His pupils vibrated once largely because his reason was momentarily disturbed by her unexpected response. However, his calming gaze was chillingly serene and perfectly beautiful.

Swallowing the prey before him was no big deal…

Seo-jun, holding her small face’s chin with his large hand, placed his thumb on her plump lips.

She was a woman with tender skin. Her lips, quickly turning crimson like a newly bloomed flower bud, parted slightly as his slowly moving fingers touched them.

Whether it was because his touch was warm or because she was startled by the foreign sensation on her lips, So-yeon’s shoulders flinched and tightened.

Was this the feeling of a young animal caught in the fierce teeth of a predator? 

So-yeon, whose heart was pierced by a man who never lost his composure and elegance for a moment, could only shiver her long, dense eyelashes without moving.

When his hand finally left her face, So-yeon exhaled a shallow breath of relief through her teeth.

But it was only for a moment.

The moment she saw Seo-jun naturally biting his thumb, the bewilderment was entirely hers.

“N-no…!”

Why did he do that…!

Momentarily flustered, So-yeon no longer saw the famously gentlemanly Tae Seo-jun as a gentleman. However, the problem was herself, who was madly falling for him despite his inexplicable behavior while maintaining his noble demeanor.

“See? You’re so scared with just a touch of my hand, what are you planning to do with me?”

“……”

Softening his expression, Seo-jun slowly stroked So-yeon’s head with one hand, who couldn’t utter a word.

“It’s because it’s me that I’m pretending not to see or hear. Words and actions, once out, can’t be taken back.”

With both hands in his pants pockets, he bent down to her height and advised her with a gentle smile that anyone would see as angelic.

“Heh…!”

So you were teasing me?

Finally realizing what was going on, So-yeon shot a big-eyed glare at Seo-jun. She seemed gentle, but she had a bit of a temper too. Her small hand firmly grabbed Seo-jun’s collar.

“What is this…”

Though momentarily hesitant, Seo-jun’s voice, far from flustered, was unfailingly smooth.

“Is the cat thinking of the mouse? You scare me, lure me, and even did something strange to my lips. And now you’re telling me to stay calm?”

As she spoke, So-yeon crumpled his shirt tightly in her grasp.

“You’re right. Do you have more to say?”

Seo-jun let her do as she pleased. He found her challenging him as a strong person very intriguing.

“I want to do it too. What you did in the elevator, that!”

“……”

Seo-jun raised one eyebrow. He wondered what she could do, turning the word ‘kiss’ into ‘that’ out of embarrassment.

“Don’t move, I have the right to do that too! You didn’t forget that you promised to do anything, right?”

The temptation that started with excitement now had stubbornness added to it. So-yeon wanted to make it clear that she was also a woman. But his face was high up. Her lips, reaching up with all her might, met Seo-jun’s lips precisely.

So-yeon closed her eyes tightly and waited. The die had been cast, and now all that was left was for him to reject her.

But something felt off.

Though she was the one who initiated the kiss, she was the one surprised. He was accepting her lips without any resistance. Even supporting her back with his long arm as if she would fall backward.

“…?”

What kind of twist was this?

Opening her eyes slightly, So-yeon met his dark pupils. Was it a delusion that his eyes, holding her, felt so profound? It was an entirely unexpected situation, and her head tilted slightly as she recoiled.

“You said don’t move.”

“D-did I say that?”

Feigning ignorance as if she didn’t remember, her expression said otherwise.

“Do you still want to hold me?”

“……”

Her large eyes, revealing everything in her mind, slowly closed and opened.

The spark of desire, which had been held back, flared up in Seo-jun as he pulled So-yeon and pushed her roughly. Their lips locked deeply, and his hand, gripping her small, round back of the head, applied strong pressure.

Thump thump thump…

Their hearts pounded relentlessly.

It was an intense excitement.

***

In the deep darkness of dawn.

The heated time receded, and silence took over.

On the bed, Seo-jun was stroking long hair. Perhaps because his gentle touch felt so good, So-yeon’s chest strangely swelled.

“…I thought you’d be angry.”

“Why would I be?”

Seo-jun slightly furrowed his eyebrows. He thought that if he had known it was her first time, he wouldn’t have pushed so aggressively.

“I just thought you would.”

“But you should have said something.”

“I don’t know.”

Her tone was slightly sulky, but the end held a pretty smile.

“You have a stubborn streak. Don’t you hear that often?”

“Sometimes?”

“I don’t know who the guy is, but he must be having a hard time.”

Seo-jun didn’t know.

The words that came out without much thought would become something he would mull over countless times later.

Feeling awkward being held by him for so long, So-yeon wiggled her feet, and Seo-jun looked down and asked,

“How do you walk with these feet?”

“You’ve seen me walk just fine.”

Her small feet were one thing, but her unusually slender ankles looked like they might break with just a little pressure. Seo-jun quickly moved his upper body to kiss them. There was no reason. He just wanted to.

“Hehe, stop it!”

Unable to bear the tickling sensation, So-yeon hid entirely under the blanket. Her arms, legs, and even her face, blushing with embarrassment, were all covered.

Yet, when Seo-jun didn’t stop teasing, she soon poked her face out from under the blanket, biting her lower lip hard to look intimidating.

Instead of being intimidated, Seo-jun, finding her lips only cute, seemed intent on using up the entire night.

As dawn broke.

Dressed as neatly as when she entered, including her outerwear, So-yeon stood by the window.

Outside, snow was still falling. Now, just seeing snow would remind her of the past night. So-yeon approached the bed and gazed at Seo-jun quietly.

The face of the sleeping man looked young and beautiful, like a boy, despite being an adult. His dense eyelashes, which hadn’t let her go all night, lay quietly.

As memories of the previous night surfaced one by one, So-yeon’s ears turned bright red. It was overwhelming to have been able to be Tae Seo-jun’s woman, even for a short while, and it was incredibly embarrassing to have shown him a side of herself that no one else knew.

It was a strange night.

She had never been to such a place, nor had she ever faced a morning like this with someone, but she liked it. Even the pain she felt last night, for the first time in her life, was a thrill.

The indoor air was somewhat chilly. Worried he might catch a cold, So-yeon carefully covered him with a blanket and whispered very softly.

“They say you forget a person with another person. Even if it’s hard now, when you find someone you like more, it’ll naturally fade away. I hope the time we spent together remains a good memory for a long time. For both you and me.”

He was her first man.

But a person she had to forget after just one night.

Therefore, it was a final farewell.

So-yeon quickly left the room. In front of the hotel entrance, where snow had piled up overnight, taxis were lined up.

“Where to?”

As the passenger got in, the taxi driver asked for the destination.

“Dogok-dong.”

So-yeon replied with a bright expression.

But her heart was not at all like that.

As much as she was deeply excited, she already knew she would live with deep longing.

***

Seo-jun woke up around the time So-yeon completely left the El Stella Hotel.

Perhaps because he had a good night’s sleep in a long time, his body felt refreshed, and his mood was excellent. But what was this feeling of emptiness? It even felt chilly. His side had been warm until he fell asleep, but now it wasn’t. Seo-jun looked at the spot beside him and abruptly sat up.

Someone who should have been beside him since they fell asleep together wasn’t there. Thinking she might have briefly left the bed, he felt the spot she had been lying in, but there wasn’t even a faint warmth left.

There was no time to put on a robe. Realizing the lovely voice he heard in his sleep wasn’t a dream, Seo-jun dashed out of the bedroom with his graceful bare body and searched the entire room. But he couldn’t find her anywhere. She was nowhere to be seen.

All that remained of her was a neatly placed note on the bedside table.

[Be happy wherever you are. I’ll share your sadness and pain. I’ll become a happy person too. Goodbye, Tae Seo-jun.]

The content, beautifully written in round handwriting, was very simple, without any clue of meeting again. As if denying all of last night’s events.

He didn’t particularly want anything more from her or have any plans.

He just wanted to spend leisurely time with her.

What her favorite food was, what hobbies she had, what she usually did on holidays or when she had free time, where she lived, if it was okay to contact her occasionally. He wanted to have a meal together and talk about those little things, becoming more intimate with her.

Looking at her shyly, he wanted to become a pure man excited about first love.

Had he ever wavered over a woman, been so restless? Had he ever been dominated by such trivial desires? No, not once.

He couldn’t name this emotion he hadn’t felt even with a lover he once kept by his side. But even when his patience crumbled, the feeling wasn’t unpleasant.

But what is this!

You shook me with your sparkling eyes. You melted my heart with an angelic smile. And now you disappear without a word? Was I just a plaything in your tricks?

Seo-jun, feeling both consumed for the first time and grandly rejected and discarded, was indescribably displeased.

“Eom So-yeon, what on earth…!”

Ruffling his bangs cynically, Seo-jun crumpled the paper in his hand.

His expression as he threw it into the trash was exceptionally cold and arrogant.