Chapter 1

“Sorry, Karina. You understand, don’t you?”

It was autumn, with the faint scent of lazy falling leaves in the air. Karina didn’t answer her long-time childhood friend’s question and instead picked up her teacup. Watching her, Phyllis gave a small smile, as always, and belatedly reached for his own teacup.

He was holding the hand of a petite young woman with his other hand. Karina took a deep breath, hidden deep inside her heart, and raised the corners of her mouth into a smile.

“Of course. Naturally.”

“That’s a relief. I was worried you might be upset.”

Phyllis let out a sigh of relief and set down his cup. His light brown hair, which fell near his eyes, caught the light and shimmered like golden threads.

Beneath it, his similarly colored eyes glistened softly.

“Why would I be upset? We’re… friends.”

Karina replied, pretending to be unaffected. Every time she opened her mouth, she felt like her throat was drying up. Soon, the woman sitting next to Phyllis cautiously spoke, and at that moment, the calm expression Karina had barely maintained began to crumble.

“Thank you, Miss Karina. For listening to us, even though we came to you so suddenly.”

Her small mouth moved like a little squirrel’s as she spoke, and the sight was utterly lovely. From her reddish-brown hair to her olive-colored eyes, every part of her was so charming that it was hard to find anything unpleasant about her.

Unable to hold back, Karina bit her lip and pretended to cough into her handkerchief. She almost let the words escape her lips.

Is that really the only thing you’re thankful for?

Phyllis asked if she was okay, his face full of concern. Karina nodded calmly and replied.

“I’m fine. I just choked for a moment. More importantly, Miss Cornell.”

“Yes?”

Her large eyes widened. Karina finally clenched the handkerchief she had been holding and gave a faint smile.

“You don’t need to be so cautious. There’s no need to feel thankful or sorry toward me.”

The unease in her olive-colored eyes finally dissolved. Phyllis, as if he had expected this, smiled at Karina. It was the same look he always gave her as a long-time friend. And that made Karina feel miserable all over again.

Ten years. That was how long it had been since she first met Phyllis and how long it had taken for them to become important to each other. But Miss Cornell had only needed two years. In just two years, she was standing next to Phyllis, not as a friend, but as the woman he loved.

“Phyllis and I are just friends. The engagement was merely something arranged by the elders in our families.”

Despite her frustration, Karina’s mouth moved on its own. Perhaps it was her last shred of pride.

The ironic thing was that, even in this situation, not a single word she said was false. Phyllis and Karina were indeed friends. And their engagement, which began when they were 14, was merely an arrangement encouraged by their families.

‘Karina. I really like you. As a friend, I mean.’

The voice of a younger, more naive Phyllis echoed in her ears. Karina flinched without realizing it.

A sharp pain throbbed in her chest. Words forced their way out of her throat, which had tightened.

“…It’s also an arrangement we’re ready to break at any time, should either of us wish to.”

Karina knew deep down. She knew the painful truth, the harsh reality she had been desperately trying to hide.

Karina liked Phyllis. And before she could even fully express her feelings, he had notified her of their broken engagement. The words she had spoken herself made the reality sink in, and Karina lowered her gaze.

When she looked up again, Phyllis was smiling beautifully, as always. An unavoidable smile played on Karina’s lips.

This time, it wasn’t an act. It was genuine. In that brief moment, she had a thought. Perhaps she didn’t love Phyllis himself but rather that smile of his.

Even so, Karina wished for Phyllis’s happiness. Even if it meant her own unhappiness, as long as he could be happy, that was enough.

Phyllis’s lips slowly parted. Karina simply watched him quietly.

Her childhood friend, her love, her world, spoke.

“We’ve decided to get engaged.”

It was such a happy smile. So much so that Karina couldn’t even think of ruining it.

“This winter, on the day of the first snow, we’ll hold the engagement ceremony.”

And with that, Karina’s world crumbled.

***

The warm sunlight illuminated the fresh spring garden. Karina stood there, staring at the back of a young boy.

The light brown hair, shining under the sunlight, brushed against his collar. When the boy turned around, Karina’s dazed figure was reflected in his eyes.

‘Karina!’

The boy smiled brightly and held out his hand. His dirt-streaked hand slowly reached out to Karina. Without thinking, Karina grabbed it.

When she blinked once, she found herself sitting on the green grass. It was a seven-year-old Phyllis Herwin who helped her up with his now-clean hand.

‘…Rina, let’s go. …I’m waiting.’

Phyllis’s blurry voice faded as he moved farther away. Karina reached out to grab him again and opened her eyes.

“Miss Karina, wake up. It’s morning.”

When she opened her eyes, what greeted her was the familiar pattern on the ceiling.

As she slowly sat up, her maid, Becky, looked curiously at her hand, which she had grabbed onto.

Karina, who had been staring blankly for a while, blinked at the sunlight streaming through the window.

“Did you have a nightmare? You suddenly reached out your hand, so I was startled.”

“…Yes. I think so.”

Karina gave a faint laugh and agreed with Becky. It was true. It had been a very frightening nightmare.

Becky ushered the other maids out after finishing her work and picked up the last piece of clothing. Only then did Karina remember something she had forgotten.

“Could you bring me breakfast? I’d like to eat in my room.”

“What? But you ate in your room yesterday too.”

Becky frowned and immediately added.

“Not just yesterday. Didn’t you stay in your room the day before and the day before that as well?”

Karina had no words to refute this, as it was true. She avoided Becky’s gaze, lowering her eyes. It seemed obvious that she had been holed up in her room for days. It was beyond the point of being excusable with a simple ‘I’m tired.’

But she couldn’t bring herself to leave her bed. Karina desperately persuaded Becky. In the end, Becky gave in, placing her hands on her hips with a frustrated expression.

“What’s wrong with you these days, Miss? You even skipped that dinner appointment a few days ago.”

“That’s… I was tired then too.”

“If you’re that tired, you should see a doctor.”

Karina brushed it off, saying it wasn’t that serious. Only now did she recall skipping the dinner with Earl Herwin’s family a few days ago.

It couldn’t be helped. After hearing such news, she couldn’t bear to face Phyllis and eat with him.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

Becky, still suspicious, left the room after confirming several times.

Left alone, Karina sighed and lay back down. She slowly closed her eyes, and the light blurred in her vision.

‘I’ve developed feelings for Miss Cornell. I thought I should tell you first.’

The faint sound of his voice tormented her mind as much as her blurred vision. Karina pressed her sleeve against her eyes and turned onto her side.

‘We’ve decided to get engaged.’

From her dreams to the moment she woke up, Phyllis continued to torment her.

When Miss Cornell’s face, holding tightly to his hand, came to mind, her eyes began to sting with tears.

Karina pulled the blanket over her head. She was worried about Becky returning soon, but she couldn’t help it.

“You asked if I could understand…”

Phyllis’s eyes, filled with guilt, awkwardness, and trust in her, were clearer than anything else.

It was something she had to overcome. Karina knew that all too well.

“There’s no way I can.”

Her muffled murmur disappeared into the blanket. Even the sound of knocking couldn’t wake her from her fading consciousness.

***

Falling back asleep, Karina woke to Becky’s nagging and a late breakfast.

“Oh, Miss. I’m sorry.”

It was when she was rubbing her eyes and picking up her spoon. Becky, who had been about to leave the room, hesitated and took a letter out of her pocket.

“…Is it for me?”

“It seems it arrived two days ago. One of the maids must have forgotten and only just brought it.”

Karina received two letters and, upon seeing one of them, put down her spoon.

It was a letter from Phyllis. The elegant handwriting on the envelope was enough to kill what little appetite she had left.

After reassuring Becky and sending her out, Karina pushed aside her meal and opened the letter.

『To Karina,  

Karina, I was worried about you, so I decided to write you this letter.  

Fortunately, I heard from your mother that you’re not very sick.  

Just in case, I’m sending some herbal medicine and fruit syrup that are good for your health. I hope you won’t need to use them.  

If you read this letter, please make sure to reply.  

From your long-time friend, Phyllis.』  

As expected, it was a letter about the dinner she had postponed a few days ago.  

She hadn’t mentioned anything about being unwell, but it seemed the story about her lack of appetite had been slightly miscommunicated.  

『P.S. The dinner the other evening was certainly good, but it wasn’t enjoyable. Probably because you weren’t there.』  

Even after reading the last line, Karina went back to the beginning and reread it several times. Sadly, the happiness lasted only for a brief moment. Soon, the unfolded letter was carelessly thrown onto the bed.  

‘What am I foolishly getting happy about?’  

The excitement she had felt sank all the way down to the bottom of the depths. Karina let out a deep sigh and buried her face into the pillow. Even then, the medicine she had secretly thrown out the window a few days ago with Becky’s knowledge flashed before her eyes.  

Feeling dejected, Karina slowly sat up. She picked up the discarded letter and headed toward her desk.