Chapter 7 – Trauma (Part 3)

“Master, you should ventilate sometimes. How can you live so filthily as a demon?”

Mollek clicked his tongue and opened the windows of the office wide.

Cold wind blew in strongly.

“Ah, fresh dawn air.”

Mollek savored the refreshing air.

‘This is…….’

Fernan’s expression fell in an instant as he faced the wind.

Amidst the chilly northern wind, there was a faint scent of blood.

The scent was so faint that even Mollek couldn’t detect it, but Fernan could. There was only one person who owned such clean and pure-smelling blood.

“Ellerdin…!”

Fernan sprang up from his seat.

“Uh, uh? Master, where are you going?”

Ignoring Mollek’s shout, Fernan hurriedly ran to the garden. The closer he got to the garden, the stronger the scent of blood wafting through the air became.

Upon reaching the garden entrance, Ellerdin was nowhere to be seen. The other races, seemingly sensing something ominous, were waking up and whining. They glanced toward the glass greenhouse.

Parin, noticing Fernan’s arrival, stepped back from the greenhouse. As he moved aside, a small silhouette inside the transparent glass greenhouse came into view.

Fernan rushed towards the greenhouse. As soon as he opened the door, a strong scent of blood hit him.

“Ugh.”

Fernan pinched his nose at the sweet scent of blood. No matter how high-ranking he was, his true nature was demonic, so human blood smelled sweet to him. If it was mermaid blood, the sweetness was even stronger.

Holding his breath, Fernan quickly approached Ellerdin. She was engrossed in something, unaware of his presence.

“Ellerdin, what on earth are you…?”

Fernan exclaimed in surprise as he grabbed both of Ellerdin’s wrists. She held a dagger in her right hand, and her arms were covered in scratches. Blood pooled on the tray, and blood was flowing from her wounds.

“Fernan…?”

Ellerdin looked up at him with a startled face. She glanced at the tray with a look of realization. The tray was just about to reach the appropriate amount of blood.

‘Just a little more, and it would have been enough…!’

Ellerdin struggled to free her arms from him. Just a little more, and she could prove her ability. She couldn’t be abandoned like this. She didn’t want to return there. Even though they said they would wait.

The voices of the Earl and the Baron urging her to prove her usefulness echoed in her ears.

Ellerdin shouted at him in sorrow.

“Why did you stop me! Just a little more, and it would have been enough… Just a little more time, please. Don’t drive me out yet. I’m still useful.”

Ellerdin eventually began to sob.

Fernan, taken aback, knelt down to her eye level. For the first time, Ellerdin showed her anxiety. He felt that if he didn’t address it now, he might never be able to fix it for the rest of his life.

“Ellerdin, please look at me.”

A soft yet earnest voice spoke. Ellerdin lifted her trembling head to look at Fernan. The cold gaze he had seen in his dreams was gone, replaced by warm, red eyes.

“I won’t drive you out. I won’t divorce you either. Just stay by my side as long as you want. But… please tell me why you’re hurting yourself like this.”

He wanted to know why she was tormenting herself. What was pushing her to this extent?

Ellerdin sniffled and looked at him.

“When I first came here, we made a contract that I would break your curse…”

Her words hit Fernan like a blow to the head. 

She had been thinking about that all this time?

What he had completely forgotten, she had been agonizing over, driving herself into a corner.

Fernan stood there, dumbfounded. It was his fault for not properly explaining it to her. The fact that he had pushed her into this pain made him angry with himself.

Fernan clenched his teeth. 

How long had my complacent thoughts tormented you?

Fernan clasped his hands tightly together.

“Fer…nan?”

Ellerdin stopped crying and looked at Fernan. He hung his head with a pale face, as if he had made a huge mistake. Lowering her gaze, she saw Fernan’s hands trembling.

As Ellerdin, flustered, grabbed Fernan’s shoulders, a voice twisted with pain spoke.

“Ellerdin, I’m truly sorry.”

At the unexpected words, Ellerdin tilted her head in confusion. 

Why was Fernan acting like this?

‘Could it be because of what I said earlier? Is this kind-hearted person taking my mistake upon himself again?’

Just as Ellerdin opened her mouth to clear up the misunderstanding, Fernan continued speaking, unable to lift his head.

“I was a coward, afraid of being hated by you, so I kept secrets, not realizing it would torment you like this. If I had known you were struggling because of this, I would never have hidden it. Truly. But… these are just excuses. I said I’d protect you… I wanted to make you the happiest person, but I made you suffer the most. I’m really… sorry.”

Fernan closed his eyes tightly.

The more he spoke, the more he realized how pathetic he was. Even if Ellerdin despised him, he had nothing to say. From her perspective, how hypocritical must he have seemed?

Fernan held his breath, watching Ellerdin’s reaction. But contrary to his expectations, a small hand stained with blood covered his cold hand.

“Fernan, I don’t quite understand what you’re saying. But you’re not someone who would speak about yourself like that. You’ve always been kind and gentle, helping and caring for me.”

If anything, I should apologize.

“You must have been very surprised because of me, right? I’m sorry.”

Ellerdin gave a faint smile. Her words made Fernan feel like he was falling into a dark pit.

This person doesn’t blame me, even to the end.

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Fernan spoke with a contorted face.

“Ellerdin, I’m not as good a person as you think. Even now, I can’t tell you the truth because I’m afraid you’ll leave me. Should I tell you how worthless I am?”

His last words slipped out unconsciously in response to Ellerdin’s kindness.

“……”

Ellerdin looked at Fernan with a calm expression. Fernan couldn’t even bring himself to meet her gaze as he continued to ramble.

“You won’t be able to break my curse. It’s not because of your ability, but because of me. And yet, I don’t have the courage to properly explain why.”

Fernan’s expression turned into one of self-loathing.

“Isn’t it absurd? To say sorry for hurting you while maintaining this attitude. The person you call kind is, in fact, a selfish guy who doesn’t even reveal the truth to the one he hurt.”

“How can a person… not be selfish? I’m selfish too.”

Ellerdin said with a faint smile.

Her smile made Fernan want to hide in a mouse hole. He understood why the monsters in old fairy tales both hated and desired the goddess. How could one not fall for someone who acknowledges faults yet embraces them?

“And… whatever the truth is, Fernan, if you don’t want to say it, you don’t have to. I’ll try to find another way to break the curse with my power. So…”

Fernan’s mind went cold at her last words. Yes, Ellerdin was this kind of person. He wasn’t the monster from the fairy tales, and Ellerdin was still getting hurt because of him.

‘I need to speak up.’

But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

What more am I hoping for, having come this far?

Do I plan to keep Ellerdin trapped by my side forever?

His body was filled with a dark, overwhelming desire. He needed to tell the truth and let her go, but inexplicably, words that even he couldn’t understand came out.

“I’ll tell you the truth. But if I do, you can never leave me. Never. Are you okay with that?”

Fernan’s eyes shone dangerously. He knew he should say something else, but his mouth moved on its own.

Ellerdin nodded calmly.

Her innocent demeanor made Fernan grit his teeth. He grabbed Ellerdin’s shoulders roughly.

“You shouldn’t answer so easily. Once you hear this, I will never, ever let you go. Do you think I’m joking…”

Why did she look so hurt?

Ellerdin, with her eyebrows lowered, gently touched Fernan’s cheek. Startled, Fernan stepped back.

“Fernan, it’s okay. Whatever you say.”

Ellerdin smiled brightly, as if comforting a crying child.

“Haha…”

Fernan let out a hollow laugh.

No matter what harsh words he said, Ellerdin looked at him straightforwardly.

Was this feeling despair or shame? 

With a sense of impending blindness, Fernan spoke heavily.

“I’m… not cursed.”

Ellerdin tilted her head, not understanding his words.

“It might sound like a lie, but it’s true. I’m not cursed by a demon; I am… a demon.”