Chapter 28. The Same Pain, The Real Reason

“Aster.”

“I’ll make sure you feel that I’m enough. In every way.”

Aster’s eyes deepened. He seemed anxious, as if he felt insecure about my proposal. His appearance, like a puppy on the verge of being abandoned by its owner, made me a bit perplexed.

There was still more to my story. He might regret being so stubborn once he heard it.

“Didn’t I tell you before? That there’s no other reason to refuse you except for you being a Blanche.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I’ve thought about it, and there’s no other reason to refuse you. I quite like you, Aster.”

“Then why?”

Aster looked at me with a face that couldn’t understand. It was understandable, proposing a loveless marriage and a conditional divorce while saying I liked him.

But for now, resolving my mother’s injustice was more important than my feelings. So I completely set aside my feelings for Aster.

The truth of that day ten years ago was still unclear. If Blanche had indeed killed my mother, as I suspected, Blanche was my lifelong enemy.

Originally, I planned to uncover the truth and ruin the lives of that bloodline, but Aster’s appearance was shaking my thoughts.

Perhaps he, too, was a victim of that family.

‘His mother was a maid who came as an attendant to the former Duchess. They were as close as real sisters. When she knew the Duchess was abandoned, she stayed by her side without marrying, out of utmost devotion.’

Helen’s words disturbed my mind. He and his mother were just victims and playthings of the Duke of Blanche.

My revenge was solely against the vile Blanche, and involving Aster in it felt too impure.

It was just my dark desire to eradicate Blanche from this world that was causing this outburst.

So, even if the truth pointed to Blanche, I decided to exempt him. And if my thoughts were correct, he hadn’t returned to Ahivith just for a marriage.

‘He must have wanted to grow stronger to take revenge for his mother.’

Despite his appearance, his reason for wanting to marry me might not be pure either.

Francis was the family that hated Blanche the most in Ahivith. He might have concluded that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

I was proposing a contract marriage to Aster with the same intention.

He was someone who had suffered the same pain from the Blanche family as I had. We both had lost our loved ones to Blanche.

To persuade Aster, I had to tell the real reason. The true reason why I couldn’t fully accept him and my lifelong wish.

“But. That one reason alone is enough to refuse you. ……Because Blanche killed my mother.”

“!!”

At my bombshell declaration, Aster’s face hardened. Judging by his expression, he really didn’t know.

Well, ten years ago, he was the half-wit Helen spoke of. Treated like a servant until he luckily manifested his abilities that year and went to study abroad.

I calmly spoke, recalling the fragments and emotions of that day ten years ago, which were still vivid.

“I am still stuck on that day ten years ago. Because I had to lose my mother right in front of my eyes on that rainy day.”

“……”

“The shock caused me to lose all memories of the month when the accident happened. When I woke up, the incident had already been concluded as an accidental death. But I am certain that the accident is related to Blanche.”

Aster was so shocked that he said nothing. He just listened to my words. That made me want to keep talking even more.

“I think it’s my fault that I couldn’t clear my mother’s injustice. Father said it wasn’t, but it really is my fault.”

My heart was pounding. I had never revealed such feelings to anyone before. These were emotions I couldn’t even tell Father because it would make him sad.

I was afraid of Aster’s reaction, but I had no intention of stopping now. I looked at Aster and spoke clearly.

“I don’t even know if I deserve to love someone, especially someone from Blanche who might have killed my mother. It makes no sense at all.”

“……”

“No matter who it is, I want the family that killed my mother to face due retribution, or even greater destruction. Even if it’s your family.”

I continued, watching his expression.

“So please consider my proposal carefully and give me your answer. I won’t blame you if you refuse.”

Having said what I needed to, I placed my hands on my lap and looked at him. He seemed confused. He fiddled with his teacup in silence before finally speaking.

“There’s one thing I want to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

“When exactly did the Duchess pass away?”

“September 14th. The day it poured rain and caused flooding.”

“Oh.”

Aster’s hand fell weakly to his lap. Covering his mouth with one hand, he let out a low groan and staggered to his feet.

“I need to sleep now.”

He tried to speak calmly, but he looked more unstable than when I had proposed the contract marriage.

I got up with him and grabbed his arm, asking,

“Are you feeling unwell? Should I call a doctor?”

“No. It seems the alcohol is hitting me late.”

“……”

“We can talk about this matter later. We still have time left in our courtship period.”

Aster gave a faint smile and led me to the door. Something about the atmosphere had changed, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.

Before closing the door, I said,

“Please give me your answer by the day of the debutante ball. I’ll be waiting.”

“I understand.”

Aster smiled broadly and closed the door. I spent a moment outside the door before quietly returning to my bedroom. Somehow, my mouth felt bitter.

* * *

As soon as Aster felt Camilla’s footsteps recede, he collapsed on the spot. The hand that had been gripping the doorknob fell limply.

“Ha, ha.”

Aster laughed vacantly. Faced with this messed-up situation, he could only let out a hollow laugh.

When Camilla first mentioned her mother’s death, Aster found it hard to stay calm.

‘The shock caused me to lose all memories of that year.’¹T/N: yes i didn’t mistranslate it. In this sentence, the author used 그해의 (of that year) while in the previous sentence, it was 달의 (of that month)

It was painful to learn why she couldn’t remember him. The memories of early autumn that had sustained him were a nightmare she wanted to erase.

He was angry at his own helplessness for not being there for her while she suffered, for fleeing Ahivith like a coward.

Yet, despite all that, when he met her again, he felt a pang of disappointment that she had completely forgotten him. How selfish of a feeling that was.

‘September 14th. The day it poured rain and caused flooding.’

Moreover, the day the Duchess died was the very day Aster and Camilla had said their goodbyes.

As soon as he heard the date, an inexplicable fear gripped Aster. The thought of it terrified him.

‘I need to confirm this.’

Aster stood up abruptly. He knew it was rude to leave like this, but he had to meet the Duchess of Blanche immediately. He needed to confirm whether the death of the Duchess of Francis was related to him.

[Urgent message received, returning to the castle.]

Leaving a note on the table, Aster changed his clothes and went outside. He rode his horse straight back to Blanche Castle.

“Oh, young duke?”

The butler greeted him, but Aster didn’t respond and headed straight for the Duchess’s bedroom. The butler, intimidated by Aster’s intense expression, just stepped aside.

Aster knocked and immediately entered, finding Isabelle Blanche reading a book. She looked at him with an annoyed expression and clicked her tongue, lightly scolding him.

“You haven’t been granted permission to enter yet, how rude.”

“We need to talk.”

“What conversation can I have with someone who’s constantly staying out overnight? I’m tired, let’s talk tomorrow.”

Isabelle was about to return to her bed when Aster blocked her path in one stride.

“Let’s talk now.”

Realizing something serious was happening, Isabelle stopped and looked up at him. She crossed her arms and responded haughtily.

“Then make it quick and leave.”

“September 14th, ten years ago.”

“……?”

“Where were you that day?”

Isabelle widened her eyes at Aster’s question, then burst into laughter. Her sharp laughter echoed in the bedroom.

The longer she laughed, the colder Aster’s expression became. Isabelle wiped the tears from her eyes and spoke. Despite her elegant voice, her words were filthy and vile.

“You know very well, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve survived not because you’re capable, but because of your pathetic luck. I spared you out of sheer disgust, and you come back without any gratitude.”

Isabelle spoke coldly, as if looking at a bug.

“A weakling like you, surviving by passing your misfortune onto others.”