Chapter 5.4

It felt unfair to step back now. Why should she leave behind a handsome, kind husband and the child she would bear?  

‘Should I talk to Monsieur Debroge about it…’

Since she was pregnant, she asked him to stop looking for the real Jeanne. After all, he only needed the canal rights, so she would continue living as the real Jeanne. Even if the real Jeanne returned later, she hoped he would give Jeanne her original name and status and let her live differently.  

“Liam, may I invite my father to the estate?”  

“Monsieur Debroge?”  

“Yes. I haven’t seen him since the wedding. He doesn’t write much either… I want to tell him this joyful news in person.”  

“I see. You can invite Monsieur Debroge as you wish. He’s your family, after all.”  

“Thank you.”  

“Why not show your gratitude in action rather than words?”  

Liam tapped his mouth with his fingertips. Understanding his meaning, Yvonne lightly tapped his chest with a flushed face.  

“Really…”  

Even though she said that, Yvonne didn’t seem to dislike it, as she lowered her gaze slightly. Liam, noticing her reaction, leaned down to kiss her.  

The next day, Yvonne sent a letter to Marceau, asking him to visit the Arthus estate. However, the reply from the Debroge family’s butler stated that Marceau was currently abroad on business and would return before the snow fell.  

In the end, Yvonne had to face winter without being able to tell Marceau about her pregnancy or make her request about the real Jeanne.  

* * *  

On a late weekend afternoon, the first snow fell. It wasn’t the shallow snow that quickly melted, but a heavy snowfall. The snow poured down, turning the entire surroundings white. For some, it was an annoying sight, but for others, it was welcome and delightful.  

Yvonne checked outside the window at the young maid’s tip about the first snow. The Seine River, which always flowed gently, was frozen.  

In fact, the river had frozen earlier. She learned this when several families went out with sleds.  

As the head maid had mentioned, seeing people enjoying sledding made Yvonne want to join, but thinking of the baby, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.  

Thanks to Gavain, the doctor, who repeatedly advised her to be cautious for the next two months. Even though sledding wouldn’t harm the baby, Yvonne was too afraid and gave up.  

Instead, she watched people sledding from afar. Even when Liam suggested sledding and offered to push her, Yvonne shook her head.  

She only promised to do it together once the baby was safely born and a bit older.  

Liam found his wife’s cautious attitude a bit odd, but he thought it was just the first-time parent nerves. Yvonne, unable to do one of the things she wanted to do in winter, eagerly awaited the snowfall.  

She could safely enjoy the snow from inside the house. And so, the long-awaited first snow fell today.  

As the head maid had once said, white snow piled up on the cedar trees. Yvonne happily called Liam to sit by the window and watch the outside. Sitting side by side with Liam, warming themselves by the fireplace, drinking warm milk, and chatting, she couldn’t be happier.  

‘I’m happy.’  

It was a thought that came naturally. It was the first warmth and stability she felt since her parents passed away when she was young.  

‘I never thought I’d feel this way again.’  

If only the baby were born safely, she felt she wouldn’t want anything more.  

She still needed to talk to Marceau about the real Jeanne, but…  

Yvonne pushed away the rising worry as much as possible and snuggled deeper into Liam’s embrace. She didn’t want to worry about things that hadn’t happened yet. She only wanted to enjoy the current happiness.  

As she watched the snow in Liam’s arms, Yvonne fell asleep.  

Her head slid down as she dozed off on Liam’s shoulder. Sensing it, Liam supported her chin.  

Since becoming pregnant, his wife had been sleeping more, and he had somewhat expected this.  

Besides this, Liam knew that once Yvonne fell asleep, she wouldn’t wake easily. So he carefully carried her to the bed.  

“Mm… Liam…”  

Even in her unconscious state, she called for him, which was both endearing and painful.  

‘This is driving me crazy.’  

Honestly, it was starting to be too much. The first few days were bearable, but after weeks, it was truly difficult.  

To leave the sweet-smelling woman alone and take care of it himself. If he didn’t know how wonderful her skin was, he might have endured it, but knowing it made it harder.  

Sitting miserably in the bathroom, panting, Liam reflected on how he had ended up like this.  

The days when women were everywhere and he could indulge whenever he wanted felt like a dream. Not that he missed those days, though.  

“Haa, ha, Jeanne… huh.”  

Recalling the scent of the woman he had just been with, Liam calmed his fully aroused lower body. After releasing the tension and cleaning up, Liam felt rather pathetic.  

‘I have to do this for another month…’  

It wasn’t the first time he had sneaked into the bathroom at dawn to relieve himself.  

He had endured such a long time, and it was only halfway through! He still had to pinch his thighs for another month! It was suffocating.  

‘How does anyone endure this?’  

Was it right to distance myself from her until the abstinence period was over? Would that help?  

Thinking such thoughts, Liam soon changed his mind. Distancing himself was nonsense; separation anxiety would surely come. Not for her, but for him.  

He couldn’t even imagine a night without Yvonne. Despite the agony and daily buildup of desire, he had to sleep beside her.  

“Haa…”  

Repeating the same worries over the past time and realizing there was no solution, he banged his forehead against the bathroom wall before coming out.  

Then he lay down next to Yvonne. He saw the face of the woman sleeping peacefully, breathing softly.  

From her round forehead to her straight nose and long eyelashes, there wasn’t a single part of her that wasn’t beautiful.  

Without realizing it, Liam caressed Yvonne’s cheek. At his touch, Yvonne furrowed her brow slightly and murmured.  

“Ugh, it’s cold…”  

Come to think of it, his hands were cold from washing with cold water.  

Liam quickly withdrew his hand, but it was too late. Yvonne slowly opened her eyes. Seeing the woman blinking blankly, Liam apologized in embarrassment.  

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you…”  

“It’s okay.”  

The woman blinked and smiled bashfully. Seeing her face, he wondered if he had really just been in the bathroom, as his blood rushed again.  

Was I really getting aroused just by looking at her face now… Honestly, it wasn’t a problem of my self-control. It was all because she was so beautiful. Damn it.  

As Liam debated whether to return to the bathroom, Yvonne spoke.  

“Isn’t it hard for you?”  

“What could be hard for me?”

“I know you go to the bathroom every night. And it’s not just to wash up.”

Liam was quite taken aback. He never imagined Yvonne would know.

“Since when did you know?”

“Not long ago. I woke up in the middle of the night a few days ago and happened to…”

“Did you see?”

“No, I just guessed from the sounds.”

At first, she didn’t know. But with Liam’s repetitive actions and the moaning that leaked out, she had no choice but to realize he was taking care of himself.

Hearing Yvonne’s confession, Liam felt his face heat up. Unintentionally, he had let her hear him pleasuring himself every night. It was truly embarrassing. Liam didn’t know how to handle this situation. Even as shameless as he was, this was mortifying.

Unaware of Liam’s inner turmoil, Yvonne thought he was struggling not out of embarrassment but because of desire. After hesitating, she spoke cautiously.

“…Is there anything I can do to help?”

Though she pretended not to know, Yvonne was aware of a few ways to relieve a man’s desire without penetration. She had never done it herself, but she had overheard things while working as a maid.

She knew that it didn’t have to be inside, that she could use her mouth or, if her br*asts were big enough, she could use them too.

However, she lacked the courage to put what she knew into practice. The thought of sucking on a man’s private part or sandwiching it between her br*asts was unsettling and embarrassing for her.

Besides, she doubted whether her br*asts could even envelop something so large. It seemed possible, but volunteering to do it was another matter.

She had pretended not to know, but seeing Liam so distressed made her feel guilty. If Liam asked for oral, she was willing to try. Unaware of Yvonne’s resolve, Liam felt as if all the blood in his body was draining away.

‘Does she know what she’s saying?’

It felt like the thread of reason he had barely held onto was snapping. He knew he should say it wasn’t necessary and not to worry. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Eventually, Liam couldn’t hold back any longer and moved behind Yvonne, pulling her close.

Soon, his large hand lifted the hem of her negligee and reached up to grasp her soft br*ast.

“L-Liam?”

“I was really holding back… You started it, so please understand.”