Why should I feel this way? Surely, I’m not still…

“…Ha.”

A bitter laugh escaped through his twisted lips, astounded by his own thoughts. His heart pounded loudly and violently. As if sensing its owner’s pathetically weak state.

It felt like she would destroy everything.

It felt like her existence would ultimately destroy the signpost that had been his life’s sole direction — revenge.

The reason he had to repeatedly confirm and remind himself that all he wanted from her was revenge was because he had been wavering for much longer.

He knew.

He should have realized it. From the day he brought Vanessa out of that underground prison…

That her existence would eventually shake him to his core.

Just as it had so long ago.

It was an unbearably filthy feeling.

In the end, will I never be able to escape your shadow? Even though I keep telling myself that you’re nothing but an object of revenge…

‘Should I just kill her?’

Right here, right now.

Killing would be simple. He just needed to reach out. Just needed to strangle that neck…

‘If you completely disappeared from this world…’

There would be no room for weak whispers to burrow into his heart.

A red glint suddenly flickered in Jurgen’s golden eyes as he buried his face in his palms.

He reached out toward her exposed neck. That slender neck that could break with just a little pressure fell into his grasp with disappointing ease.

Thump, thump―

His pounding heartbeat echoed loudly.

Consumed by madness and killing intent, he slowly applied pressure. He could feel the warmth of a living being and the pulse transmitted clearly.

He suddenly imagined this warmth growing cold and no pulse remaining. Then an unbelievably strong sense of loss overwhelmed him.

Confused by the echo of emotions he himself couldn’t understand, Jurgen’s hand trembled unusually.

Thoughts began rushing through his mind, tangling with memories from long ago, replaying randomly without order.

[“If you become my ally, I’ll become completely yours too.”]

[“So we’ll be together forever? Here, promise!”]

[“I’m so glad to have you, RauÐi.”]

[“Filthy slave. How dare you try to seduce Her Highness, the treasure of Roengreen?”]

[“Her Highness said you’re creepy and asked to remove you from her sight immediately. She also said she’s sick of you.”]

[“Get lost, you ill-omened wretch. If you appear before Vanessa again… I will surely take your life then.”]

He couldn’t believe it.

That the person who had smiled kindly at him just the day before had rejected him.

So he risked his life to follow King Roengreen’s procession as they left the Imperial City. To confirm directly from Vanessa if she had truly abandoned him.

When he finally managed to meet Vanessa while avoiding others’ eyes… she didn’t recognize who he was.

[“Who are you?”]

No, she must have pretended not to know.

When he sensed people coming to look for her, Jurgen turned and fled right then. He ran back to the Imperial City the way he had come.

All this felt like a terrible nightmare, and he thought if he could just reach that villa where he had lived with Vanessa― then perhaps he could wake up from this horrific dream.

However, the fact that Vanessa had abandoned him wasn’t a dream but reality, and the sharp sensation of cold raindrops striking his skin awakened him to this truth.

Only after collapsing in front of the empty villa where everyone had left and screaming out did he have to accept it.

That the one and only person for whom he would have given his very soul had cruelly abandoned him.

✦ ✦ ✦

She had a dream.

In the dream, Vanessa was with a red-eyed boy, and his mere presence gave her an incomparable sense of fulfillment.

The boy was someone who made Vanessa the most special existence in the world, and he was completely on her side, someone who would never betray her no matter what happened.

Their relationship was different from family or friends. Though it sometimes appeared like a master-servant relationship since the boy was a slave, they cherished each other too much to be defined so simply.

[“You must stay by my side forever.”]

[“Yes.”]

[“You must protect me. They say I was born too beautiful and am destined for misfortune.”]

[“Of course.”]

When that blind submission and affection in those red eyes were directed solely at her, Vanessa felt like she owned the whole world.

After meeting ‘RauÐi’, every day felt like her birthday.

“…Ah…”

Vanessa suddenly woke from her dream. The now-familiar ceiling came into view. As she blinked, tears that had pooled in her eyes rolled down her cheeks.

Feeling a hollow emptiness in her chest, Vanessa took a deep breath.

That feeling again. The feeling of having lost something very precious.

‘RauÐi…’

The red-eyed boy must have been someone special to her. Jurgen said she had abandoned him.

But was abandoning him truly her own choice?

Vanessa wiped her tears with the back of her hand and rose from her bed. As she was about to push aside the blanket and leave the bed, she noticed Jurgen standing quietly in a corner of the room and froze.

“……!”

It was as if a dark cloud hung over just that spot. The atmosphere felt distinctly ominous, so Vanessa nervously watched his reaction.

Her throat was parched, perhaps from having fainted. She wanted to pour water from the pitcher on the table, but that would require approaching him.

Even though Vanessa had awakened, Jurgen remained motionless. He just silently stared at her… but looking closely, he seemed somewhat confused.

“…….?”

Vanessa crept toward the table like a kitten, warily watching him. Jurgen’s gaze followed her like a long-tailed shooting star.

She finally picked up the water pitcher from the table, but she felt like she might choke on even a sip of water.

Why was he staring so intently?

She carefully sipped the water she had poured into a cup and headed back to the bed. She wanted to lie down because standing made her dizzy. She seemed to have a slight fever too. She definitely had come down with something.

“……”

Vanessa gazed at Jurgen, who still stood like a dead tree. With his large build and grace reminiscent of an elegant predator, this man seemed like a completely different being from ‘RauÐi’.

After all, the red-eyed boy who often appeared in Vanessa’s dreams was cute, unlike Jurgen.

But ‘Jurgen’ and ‘RauÐi’ were the same person. No matter how disconnected they felt.

Vanessa lay back down on the bed and pulled up the covers. After hesitating a bit, she asked.

“Um, Duke… Are you planning to stay like that?”

“……”

After remaining silent for a while, Jurgen slowly approached the bed.

Looking down at Vanessa from beside her, his expression was indescribable. Unlike his usual impenetrable fortress-like demeanor, there seemed to be some vulnerability visible.

However, if she prodded carelessly, he might retreat deep inside again and lock the door tight, so Vanessa carefully chose her words while continuously watching his expression.

“I… had a dream.”

“……”

“RauÐi was in it.”

At this, Jurgen showed rare agitation. Vanessa watched intently as his gaze wavered like a candle in the wind, and continued speaking.

“When we were young… I think we were much closer than I thought.”

Even as she used the word ‘close,’ Vanessa felt uncertain. Because her relationship with RauÐi in the dream was more than that. Could you simply call it ‘close’ when they had promised to be each other’s one and only, complete ally and understanding companion?

“I… don’t understand.”

“……”

“You said I abandoned you, but I…”

The ‘me’ in the dream cherished ‘RauÐi’ so much.

Those tender feelings couldn’t have been fake.

“Duke… Jurgen, you―”

“…Shut up.”

Jurgen forcefully cut off the question that was about to continue with unconscious desperation. He half-covered his face with one hand, gritting his teeth.

Vanessa’s lips trembled helplessly before she firmly bit her lower lip. She had the sad certainty that no words would reach his heart.

As someone who only pieced together fragments from dreams, who didn’t truly remember him…

“You abandoned me.”

“……”

“After arbitrarily saving me when I was ready to die… you threw me back into hell.”

That resentful voice contained emotions beyond hatred. …What should she call it, it was an emotion that showed an uncharacteristic vulnerability.

Suddenly, the realization struck her that perhaps her very existence was causing him pain.

The more she reflected… he didn’t purely ‘hate’ her. While hating her, he also yearned for her; while despising her, he also worried about her… and cherished her.

Wouldn’t it be confusing and painful to keep someone who stirred such complicated emotions close by? Sometimes he might even want to kill her.

Vanessa felt like she could understand him for the first time since coming here.

“…Whatever I say, to you, it will sound like I’m deceiving you, won’t it?”

Nevertheless, Vanessa felt she had to convey these words. Before hesitation turned into regret. Because some words, if you miss the moment, can never be spoken again.

“But please listen.”

Fighting off dizziness, Vanessa struggled to rise from her bed and firmly grabbed his sleeve. Jurgen flinched slightly but didn’t push her hand away.

Golden and navy blue gazes intertwined across the air.

While gathering her courage to speak, Vanessa could finally acknowledge that this man was one of the few special connections in her life.

“RauÐi, Jurgen. I really want to recover my memories of you.”