CHAPTER 29 – Square One (Part 2)

Seoyeon stared at the coffee cups and thought for a long time. She wasn’t sure if she was actually thinking or just passing the time.

“So, did you manage to record it well?”

“You did well, Miss Yoon Seoyeon.”

“It’s better not to say words you can’t handle.”

“We haven’t even started yet, what’s so strange about that?”

“Because I’m worried about you, Yoon Seoyeon.”

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

“You’re so beautiful, it’s driving me crazy.”

The fragments of the moments she spent with Dojun, from the first time they sat across from each other to now, were floating aimlessly in the air. Seoyeon looked at them silently.

She had known the ending from the beginning, yet she had just wanted to enjoy the moments.

When did it become like this? 

Why did my heart sink when I heard he was going to meet someone else?  

She had tried not to harbor such feelings.

Seoyeon sighed softly as she looked out the window. 

She had known from the start that it was a foolish choice. So she had been careful, but she had been too confident in herself. What had started as a momentary indulgence had turned into this. 

She picked up her phone and opened the calendar. 3 weeks. There were only 3 weeks left until the time she had promised to meet Dojun, and she realized she hadn’t made any preparations. She had been counting the days and smiling as if there would never be a goodbye.

Seoyeon smiled bitterly.

At least the seemingly delusional Lee Sehyun had given her one piece of advice.

I should get my sh*t together. I’m sure there will be a lot of repercussions after we break up, but if I give him more of my heart here, how will I handle it then?

Seoyeon took a deep breath and exhaled. Her heart ached as if it was being pried open. She didn’t think she could see Dojun tomorrow with this mindset. She couldn’t pretend everything was fine and smiled as if nothing was wrong.

CEO, I’m sorry…

She opened the message and typed the letters before deleting them. Even one word would give too much away.

[I’m sorry, but I can’t meet you tomorrow.]

Dojun’s reply came quickly.

[Why?]

[I’ve started my period. I think I’ll have to miss our meeting for about a week.]

The pharmacist had said she would start her period if she stopped taking the pills. She had finished a month’s worth, so it was time. She laughed when she realized her thoughts had reached that point. 

I really need to get my sh*t together. 

She had foolishly delayed her period just to meet him.

There was no reply from Dojun for a while. Then her phone flashed.

[Are you okay?]

Seoyeon bit her lip. She remained silent for a while, looking into the distance. 

What is this, why does my heart ache?

[No, I’m not in pain. I’ll see you next week.]

A moment later, another message from Dojun came.

[Okay.]

As she was about to close her phone, it buzzed again.

[Call me if you’re having a hard time].

Seoyeon bit her lip again at the sweet message. 

I wonder if you don’t see the dwindling time.

“Wake up. There are talks of Hwang Dojun marrying the second heir of Chairman Jeongwoo’s Group.”

Sehyun’s voice echoed in her head.

No, you would know it. You’re precise. You knew the time was approaching, and you knew the wedding talk was going on.

“Do you want to be in a relationship, then?”

Dojun’s teasing voice came to mind. He was that kind of person. Whether it worked or not, it didn’t matter. He never had the kind of heart that needed to be cherished in the first place.

So, you could be affectionate like this… It must be one or the other. Either you think I’ll be unaffected even after we break up, or it doesn’t matter if my heart breaks.

I’m……. hope I’m the former.

I really want to be unaffected.

[Yes.]

Seoyeon typed the message. Feeling like something was missing, she added a smiling face ‘^^’. Then she pressed send.

It was better this way. It was fortunate that she realized it before it was too late.

***

A day after stopping the birth control pills, her period had started. From Friday afternoon, her abdomen had been dully aching, and by the time she went to Hannam-dong to prepare Dojun’s clothes, her lower back was also aching.

At 4 PM in the master bedroom, the sunlight streamed in long. Seoyeon paused organizing the clothes and straightened her back to look out the large window of the master bedroom.

The housekeeper had cleaned everything spotlessly and opened the curtains wide, revealing the view of the garden outside.

“Miss Seoyeon, have a drink.”

The housekeeper, who always handed her a drink when Seoyeon arrived, handed her a cup of tea as usual. After thanking the housekeeper, who placed it on top of the dresser, she took a sip of the warm tea.

Seoyeon’s gaze settled on the neatly made bed. The bedroom was spotlessly organized, not a speck of dust allowed.

This meticulously arranged, regularly swept, and mopped place. The place where someone diligently organized and ironed the wrinkles every day. It was a place where Dojun could lie down and make a mess to his heart’s content because there was someone to clean it up.

Dojun’s life always seemed to be like this. Even after a long night, disheveling the bed with some woman, in the morning it would be tidily organized by the housekeeper.

Without even needing to clean up himself, he could just get up and leave, and someone else would restore everything to its pristine state. As if no one had ever been there.

Once the housekeeper wiped away the faint traces left behind, he could just continue his new days as if nothing had happened. Thinking about it, Seoyeon felt both envious and resentful.

Was it too presumptuous of me? Maybe I had unjustly characterized Dojun’s life based on my desire not to get hurt.

Blaming others wouldn’t change anything. Seoyeon laughed bitterly. In truth, there was nothing to blame. It was her fault for letting her guard down, for failing to keep her distance, for letting her heart go soft, not Hwang Dojun’s.

The bed. The bathroom. The living room and the sofa. The dressing room. The island and the foyer.

Even with her eyes closed, the layout of this house was etched in her mind. They had quite thoroughly explored various parts of it. The nervousness she felt on the first day, taking Dojun’s measurements and organizing his clothes, felt like a distant memory. Since she had slept so carefree in this once difficult and uncomfortable house, she must have let her guard down quite a bit.

Seoyeon put down her tea cup and selected another shirt. Dojun will be busy again next week. He had meetings at the Federation of Korean Industries and a sponsorship event for a scholarship foundation. He also had a visit to a training center over the weekend.

After organizing the clothes neatly and tagging them by day of the week, Seoyeon took one last look around the dressing room. There was no trace of where the clothes had been taken out or put back in. The tidy, unruffled state was satisfying to see.

Until the end, she hoped she too would remain unruffled like this, and Seoyeon turned off the lights in the dressing room and left.