CHAPTER 29 – Square One (Part 3)

Perhaps due to manipulating her menstrual cycle with birth control pills, her period was heavier than usual from the start. She usually experienced menstrual cramps, but this time, it felt like her body was sinking endlessly, in addition to the pain.

She woke up multiple times at night. Tossing and turning in discomfort, she would briefly fall asleep only to wake up again with an unpleasant dream.

“Ugh.”

In the faint dawn light seeping through the window, Seoyeon covered her face with her hands. Her body had swollen up in a day, and even lying down, her lower abdomen would ache as if being wrung out. The second and third days were the heaviest, so today and tomorrow were going to be the hardest days.

“At least it’s the weekend.”

Her voice sounded awkward in the silent space. 

First, she plans she should take a shower, then warm up the hot pack for her lower abdomen. If the cramps get severe later, she should take some medication.

Though she thought so, Seoyeon didn’t remove her hands from her face. She wished she could just fall back asleep and not wake up. Sleeping a long, dreamless sleep and waking up to find time has passed, the seasons have changed.

She wished she could wake up in the middle of a scorching hot summer. When the cicadas were deafeningly loud, and the blazing sun was beating down so strongly that even walking would leave her exhausted. A summer day when she wouldn’t have any thoughts, not about Hwang Dojun or anything else – just evaporating in the heat.

She laughed softly at her frivolous thoughts. 

What difference would it make? 

The more she thought, the larger her thoughts grew on their own. To prevent her thoughts from growing too large, she had to move her body.

Seoyeon got up from bed, tied her hair, pulled back the curtains, and opened the window. She grabbed her underwear and took out the clothes she would change into.

After taking a hot shower and blow-drying her hair, she felt much better than when she was lying down. Seoyeon changed her mind about just lying around doing nothing.

She chose comfortable yet neat clothes, grabbed a tote bag, and decided she should take a short walk and then go grocery shopping at the mart. As she gathered her wallet and phone, her phone suddenly vibrated.

Should I check it? 

Hesitating for a moment, she took it out and saw it was Dojun.

[Home?]

[Yes.]

She sent the reply and was about to put her phone in her bag when she felt it vibrate in her hand again. With a sigh, she looked at it, and an unbelievable message was displayed.

[Open the door.]

Then, the doorbell rang.

The words “How did he know where I live?” were on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed them. After all, was there anything this man didn’t know?

She took a deep breath to prepare herself mentally. She had planned to take a week to gather her thoughts before seeing Dojun, but this sudden visit made her feel a little uneasy. But it had to happen sooner or later.

Seoyeon opened the front door. Dojun was standing there. He was casually dressed in a suit, as if he was going to work. His tall figure filled the doorway.

They locked eyes, and he smiled brightly. It felt like her throat was closing up, but Seoyeon looked a bit surprised and asked him,

“How did you get here?”

“By car.”

She smiled weakly at his light joke. As Dojun came inside, he handed her a shopping bag. 

“It’s for you.”

When she looked at him as if asking what it was, Dojun said, 

“Seaweed soup.”

She noticed the logo of the place where they had ordered it before at Dojun’s house. Accepting it, she felt a warm sensation.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Worried you might be skipping meals.”

“I’m not skipping meals.”

At Seoyeon’s words, Dojun made a dubious expression, taking off his shoes and entering the living room. The apartment, which was sufficiently spacious for her to live alone, looked much smaller with Dojun standing in the living room.

“You must be busy, so what are you doing here?”

Seoyeon headed towards the kitchen. She thought she would quickly send him away with the excuse of not feeling well, but she felt like she should at least offer him a cup of tea. She filled the electric kettle with water and opened the cabinet to take out a tea bag. She also took out a teacup and placed it on the table.

Dojun sat down at the table without saying anything. Seoyeon noticed him watching her as she moved around. As she put the tea bags in the teacup and poured the boiled water, she didn’t look him in the eye. She wasn’t sure she could hold eye contact for long.

“Here.”

Seoyeon placed the cup in front of Dojun, speaking softly. He lifted the teacup with the tea bag in it and took a sip.

She sat down across from him and poured water into her own cup. Absent-mindedly swishing the tea bag, she also picked up her cup, avoiding his gaze.

Dojun drank his tea slowly. He didn’t look around or ask how she’d been. He just sat there, slowly sipping his tea while looking at her.

Clunk.

Dojun sets the teacup down, and only a soggy tea bag remains. When Seoyeon looked up, Dojun stood up and said, 

“Rest.”

He stood up as if to leave. 

He’s leaving?

Seoyeon looked at him with a puzzled expression, and Dojun chuckled and asked as if joking,

“Should I stay?”

If I tell you not to go, will you not go? 

She wanted to ask. 

Even though he won’t stay anyway, and he must know I’ll refuse, why do you so casually say these words that shake my heart, as if they were sincere?

Seoyeon stared at Dojun for a long time.

“Don’t go.”

She wanted to put him in a difficult position, so she impulsively said it, even though she was the one who would feel awkward if he stayed. 

I want him to stay. No, I want him to leave. No, but I still want him to stay. 

Her mind was in turmoil.

Yoon Seoyeon, what foolish thing are you doing?

“No, I was just kidding.”

Seoyeon laughed as if it really was a joke. Dojun looked at her for a while. It was like he was trying to gauge whether her words were sincere or not.

“I’m more relaxed when I’m alone. Weren’t you on your way to work?”

Seoyeon said to Dojun, hiding her feelings.

“The appointment was rescheduled, so I was on my way to the office.”

“I’ll enjoy the seaweed soup, thank you.”

Seoyeon said, not giving Dojun any leeway. Dojun looked her up and down. His gaze was like a sigh.

“I know I should leave so you can rest, but…”

He exhaled heavily and looked away from Seoyeon, then said.

“But it’s so painfully hard to leave.”

With a self-deprecating smile, he ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Seoyeon with narrowed eyes, then said,

“Come here.”

When Seoyeon hesitated, Dojun stepped forward. He hugged her, resting his chin on her head. His solid and broad frame blocked Seoyeon’s view.

“Rest well. Eat well.”

“Yes.”

Her voice reverberated through Dojun’s body holding her. The gentle touch on her back made her close her eyes and nod.

She thought she should endure it. She shouldn’t hold onto this tenderness in her heart, but let it flow away. She should let it go without holding onto it.

“Go ahead and rest.”

Dojun gently pushed her away and smiled as he looked down at Seoyeon. He looked at her shadowed eyes and her slightly diminished face.

“I’ll see you on Friday.”

Nodding, Dojun opened the door. Until the door closed, he kept his eyes on Seoyeon, but in the end, it was Seoyeon who turned away first.

The sound of the door closing with a thud felt ominous to Dojun, and he stared at the front door for a moment.