CHAPTER 38 –  I Was Wrong

The fuss was over. The police recommended that the grandmother be evaluated for dementia and suggested registering her details for programs designed for seniors with dementia. They decided to buy several location trackers and attach them to her frequently worn coats, and to order necklaces and bracelets engraved with her address and phone number.

It seemed like a lot was discussed, but it had actually been less than 30 minutes. Vice President Yoon and Seoyeon’s stepmother thanked Dojun. Chief Secretary Kang said he would go first, and after hearing about the measures to prevent the elderly with dementia from going missing, they decided to part ways for the sake of the old lady, who was yawning and tired.

“Seoyeon, are you going to Yangpyeong with us?”

“No, I have work tomorrow. I’ll go on Sunday.”

When Miseon asked, Seoyeon shook her head and replied. Her voice was hoarse from crying for a long time. She had an afternoon shift tomorrow. If they hadn’t found her grandmother, Sohee was going to cover for her, but now that they had found her safely, she needed to go to the store.

“If you’re too tired, you can rest at home. I’ll take good care of Grandmother.”

“No, it’s okay. I need to go since I left my car.”

After talking to Miseon, Seoyeon turned to her grandmother. She held her hand tightly, looked her in the eye, and spoke clearly.

“Grandma, I’ll come the day after tomorrow. I have work tomorrow, so I can’t come today. I’ll come on Sunday. Please don’t go anywhere and wait for me, okay?”

“Oh, alright. Why do you keep saying the same thing?”

The grandmother responded curtly to Seoyeon’s earnest plea.

“Son, I’m tired.”

Rubbing her eyes, she suddenly turned her head swiftly and looked at Dojun. She squinted at him for a long moment and then asked.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Hwang Dojun.”

When Dojun answered, the grandmother’s face lit up with recognition.

“Are you Seoyeon’s boyfriend?”

Dojun answered calmly.

“Yes.”

Vice President Yoon and Miseon looked surprised at Dojun’s response. Dojun remained composed, while Seoyeon showed no change in her expression, either because she hadn’t heard or pretended not to hear. The grandmother looked up at Dojun and said.

“The chestnut bread is really delicious. Where is it from?”

“I bought it at the department store.”

After a short pause, he told the grandmother.

“I’ll buy it for you again next time.”

The grandmother nodded in satisfaction and turned around. She tightly held a plastic bag with the half-eaten chestnut bread.

When the family left, only Dojun and Seoyeon remained. The late-night spring breeze, carrying a hint of warmth, blew between them.

“Let’s go.”

Dojun said.

He walked ahead, and Seoyeon followed. When they reached Dojun’s car in the outdoor parking lot, Seoyeon stopped and called out to him.

“Vice President.”

Dojun turned around. Seoyeon bowed. She had come this far to thank him. She planned to take a taxi home after expressing her gratitude.

“Thank you very much for today. Thanks to you…”

Before she could finish saying, “We found my grandmother,” Dojun chuckled. He looked at Seoyeon, who had her hands clasped in gratitude and said.

“Get in. I’ll take you home.”

“No, I’ll take a taxi.”

“Get in.”

Without waiting for more words, Dojun got into the driver’s seat. The car started and the headlights shone brightly ahead. As if to urge Seoyeon, who was standing there biting her lip, he honked his car.

Hoo

Seoyeon exhaled deeply. She didn’t want to get into Dojun’s car. Her emotions were all over the place. After losing her grandmother, her heart had been in turmoil all day. Ending this hellish day with Hwang Dojun was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to avoid him.

But she had to. He was the person who had found her grandmother. It would be silly to refuse such a kindness. Using the excuse of being too exhausted, Seoyeon opened the passenger door.

The car started smoothly. Silence filled the space inside. It was late at night, so there was no traffic. At the first traffic light, Dojun spoke.

“Relax.”

He addressed Seoyeon, who was sitting upright. Her face was flushed and her eyelashes were still wet from crying. She looked like she could fall apart at any moment, but she sat up straight.

“Yes.”

Seoyeon replied. Both knew that was all she had to say. The light turned green, and Dojun started the car again. The air in the car felt heavy, yet somehow it seemed to be expanding.

Seoyeon turned her head slightly, pretending to look at the passing scenery, but in reality, she couldn’t bear the sight of Dojun in her peripheral vision. In the quiet car, indescribable emotions kept welling up inside her.

Questions she wanted to ask, but couldn’t, kept circling in her mind. 

Why had he called me? Why had he so naturally promised to find my grandmother? Why had he bought chestnut bread, and why had he answered ‘Yes” when asked if he was my boyfriend?

Even when they met at Cheongyeon, he said he missed her. 

Why did you say you missed me? Are you really not arranged for someone? But then why did you say you wanted to break up? 

Saying they should eat and watch movies because they were breaking up. Telling her to be well.

Why are you doing this to me now?

Amidst her rising resentment, memories of her time with Dojun flashed by like passing scenery. The smile on his face when he gave her eel, the coffee stain on his shirt, their time in Gangneung. They all flashed across the car window.

“The sea is still the sea.”

The memory of Dojun’s calm words at the Gangneung beach surfaced vividly. The big hand that covered her face, the blue waves. His voice, low and penetrating, and the endless waves of that day. All the memories buried in the distant Gangneung sea rushed back at once.

Seoyeon took a deep breath and clasped her hands tightly. She even closed her eyes. The emotions she had tried to forcefully swallow kept surging. The sturdy dam she thought she had built cracked far too easily.

“Wait, I’ll find your grandmother.”

Dojun’s voice was still clear. 

“Don’t cry.” 

The softly soothing voice was too clear. The emotions that had been bubbling over the edge began to empty out through the cracks. With tears streaming down her face, Seoyeon turned her head completely toward the car window.

Even with her eyes closed, the tears continued to flow soundlessly. She thought she had cried so much that there were no more tears to come, so she was somewhat relieved that she wouldn’t cry again even if she looked at Hwang Dojun, but the tears continued to hotly wet her cheeks.

The car stopped smoothly. They had arrived, and the engine was turned off. Seoyeon thought she should open her eyes. She thought she should dry her tears, thank him for dropping her off, and pretend nothing had happened.

Maybe her voice would tremble, maybe she would cry again, but it would be understandable since she almost lost her grandmother. So, she cried.

Seoyeon pressed her eyes with her fingertips. Taking a deep breath, she slowly calmed her turbulent emotions. Opening her eyes and sitting up straight, she looked ahead. The first thing that came into her blurred, tear-filled vision was a familiar yet unfamiliar space – Dojun’s apartment parking lot.

Why?

She turned to look at him. He was staring at her. He watched her for a long time without saying anything, then he smiled briefly. It was a self-deprecating, bitter smile.

“I used to think I wanted to see you cry.”

Dojun’s voice was low. For some reason, Seoyeon’s eyes filled with tears again.

“But seeing you actually cry, it hurts.”

Dojun reached out his hand. 

No.

Seoyeon shook her head. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She didn’t want to be hurt by Hwang Dojun anymore. But Dojun cupped her cheek. 

Don’t. I really hate you.

Seoyeon pushed his arm away. She turned her head and covered her face.

“Don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

Dojun said, holding Seoyeon’s face with both hands. Dumbfounded, Seoyeon cried again. He leaned closer to her but she shook her head and pushed him away.

“Let go.”

Dojun held her still as she sobbed and pushed away.

“I don’t want to. Sob.”

She didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want to show this side of herself, and she didn’t want to feel sorrowful because of him. She shook her head and pushed his shoulders.

“What do you hate so much?”

Dojun said, holding Seoyeon’s face. Their foreheads were close enough to touch, and he ran his thumb across the corner of her tear-red eyes.

“Do you like me enough to cry?”

Ha. 

A sigh of disbelief escaped Seoyeon’s lips. As she glared at him with her puffy eyes, Dojun lowered his lips. He kissed her salty lips. Seoyeon turned her head and said.

“I don’t like you. You’re really…”

He grabbed her chin and turned her head back. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth. The sorrow welled up, and Seoyeon sobbed. His hot and gentle lips kept invading her. The arms that had pushed Dojun away were now caught and intertwined with his.

“Didn’t you hear what I said to your Grandma?”

Dojun said, barely parting his lips.

“That I’m your boyfriend.”

“Who said…”

“I did.”

Before Seoyeon could finish, Dojun answered and kissed her again. When Seoyeon kept her lips closed, Dojun held her face firmly and pressed his lips against hers.

“Just accept it.”

“No…”

Dojun slipped his tongue into her parted lips. A hot sensation filled her. He alternated between gentle and intense, as if claiming her as his own. Seoyeon’s vision blurred. It felt like a hot wind was filling her head.

“Say you like me.”

Dojun said, pulling away after a long time. Seoyeon shook her head. Dojun laughed incredulously. Seeming intent on getting the answer he wanted, he kissed her again. Seoyeon stubbornly said.

“I don’t. I just want to sleep.”

Dojun laughed above her lips. As his lips pressed down on hers again, Seoyeon closed her eyes. Tears slid down her cheeks. Thinking these were the last of the pent-up tears, she wrapped her arms around his neck.