| Chapter 32

Will he come back tomorrow?

Or really in a week?

I moved lightly, stepping to the music. The dress skirt, which at first felt cumbersome, now spread out in a graceful circle that was quite pleasing to see.

Now I could dance while thinking about other things, as it had become familiar to my body. Today was the third day since Kirhin left, but there was still no particular news.

…I hope nothing has happened.

Trying to ignore the worry that was creeping in like fog, I naturally stopped my steps as the music faded, and slightly lifted the skirt of my dress. Madam Ricora, the etiquette teacher who was watching, applauded with a smile.

“You’re learning really fast, Miss. With your level of concentration, at this rate, you’ll be able to show a perfect appearance at the title succession ceremony.”

“It’s thanks to Madam’s teaching.”

Although I was a bit tired from using my ankles and legs, which I had only used to support my body before, for technique, I didn’t want to say I was tired from just this much. As I smiled gently and greeted her, Ricora nodded with a satisfied face.

“Shall we end today’s lesson here? Tomorrow, let’s learn about etiquette at tea parties.”

After seeing her off, I walked to the window, catching my breath. The outside scenery was gloomy, which doesn’t match the time. The sky was heavily clouded.

Opening the window and taking a deep breath, I could feel the humid air. I rested my chin on my arms propped on the windowsill and looked down.

On days like this, Mrs. Vino would often twist her body, unable to rest comfortably, so I was sensitive to humidity. It would probably rain soon. Not just a light rain, but thick raindrops that would hurt if they hit you.

If Kirhin returned, I wanted to ask if I could learn horseback riding. That way, I could go out to meet him no matter how far I had to chase or go. I was discovering that I disliked being confined more than I thought.

In the days when I had to think only about serving others all day long, I didn’t have the luxury to find out what I liked and disliked. Such things were not important. What was important was what I could do and how much.

But now, the things I liked and disliked were gradually increasing. And I was a little afraid of that. Afraid that I might never be able to go back to how I was before.

In ‘Highlund,’ which deals with the heroic tales of Yuzerk, there’s a story of a person blind from birth who receives God’s blessing and is able to see for three days. After seeing all the beautiful things that exist in the world for three days, he chose to end his life just before going blind again.

One who has come to know something can never return to the time when they didn’t know. To know is to enjoy, and to forget again means the deprivation of what was once enjoyed.

I could lose everything I have now at any time. The sunlight-like taste of butter pudding baked with honey and egg yolk, the tension and excitement of heroic epics that make me feel like I’m there, the elation of being intoxicated by my appearance no less noble than that of aristocrats — if I could no longer feel these things.

……Wouldn’t I make the same choice as that blind man?

My eyes, lost in thought, followed something. A young maid was struggling to move a laundry basket. It seemed she was trying to hang the laundry.

It’s foolish to hang laundry now. It will pour rain before long. Judging by her inability to read the weather, she seemed to be either not a careful person or new to maid work.

I could tell who she was by her brown hair braided on both sides. It was Maya.

Since she’s younger than me, she was unfamiliar with the work and had been severely scolded by Nina yesterday. She must have cried a lot, as her eyes were still swollen when I saw her in the morning.

After confirming that she was hanging the laundry one by one on the line, I got up. As I slowly descended the stairs, taking my time, a maid cleaning the kitchen spoke to me.

“Would you like some tea, Miss?”

“No. I’m just going for a short walk.”

Whenever I felt awkward giving orders or speaking informally to someone, I always recalled Damian’s words. He told me to do nothing and use the people around me as my hands and feet.

I wanted to show him a slightly different appearance by the time he returned. That is, an appearance with a bit more proper dignity.

I received a parasol from the maid and went outside. I didn’t go straight to Maya. As I strolled around for a while, it soon started pouring rain, and Maya, who had just hung half of the laundry, started taking it down again in despair. Only then did I walk towards her.

“Oh, damn this rain, coming without any warning? Nothing has gone right since yesterday. When am I supposed to wash and hang all this again……”

Hearing her voice tinged with tears, I put down my parasol and started taking down the laundry from the opposite side. I could feel my hair, face, and clothes getting wet. Maya, who was frowning at the presence of someone, checked this side and exclaimed in surprise.

“Ah, Miss! What are you doing?”

“It won’t stop soon. Let’s get this over with quickly while no one’s watching.”

“No, Miss. How can you do this kind of work? I’ll get scolded!”

“That’s why.”

I smiled, roughly wiping away the raindrops trickling down my forehead.

“Let’s do it quickly while no one’s watching.”

Something akin to emotion passes over Maya’s young face. Seeing me moving without pause, she hurriedly started taking down the laundry. Thanks to this, although we both got wet, we were able to sort out the laundry faster than expected.

“That’s enough now. I’ll have to wash and hang them again anyway.”

“If you rinse them with a little vinegar, they won’t smell.”

As I wiped my face with the towel she handed me, Maya’s eyes widened.

“How does someone as noble as you know such things, Miss?”

“……Do I look noble to you?”

“Of course. You’re so graceful and beautiful.”

At the innocent-sounding answer, I couldn’t help but laugh, causing Maya to lower her head shyly.

“You don’t know much about me.”

“Pardon?”

After dusting off my neck and shoulders, I handed her the towel. Maya, who had been looking unsure of what to do, glanced around once and then carefully wiped her wet face with the towel.

“I haven’t been in this mansion for long either. I was feeling lonely because there didn’t seem to be anyone my age, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“I-I’m honored that you think of me that way, Miss.”

An excited energy flickers across her freckled face. I smiled and blinked at her.

“I’d like to have a warm cup of tea.”

“I’ll bring it to you!”

“No, I want to see and choose for myself. Do you know where they keep the tea leaves?”

When I asked naturally, Maya answered with a bewildered expression.

“I know, but that’s a place only for us servants…”

“Actually, I want to study tea leaves a bit. Nina is too picky, and I keep getting scolded during snack time.”

Using a tone that sounded like I was making excuses, Maya immediately felt a sense of familiarity and nodded her head vigorously.

“She really is difficult! She scolds me every day for the smallest things too! But after all, she’s just a maid herself, how dare she scold you, Miss? Isn’t that too much?”

“There’s nothing I can do. I still don’t know much, and with my brother not here, I have no choice but to listen to Nina. But I don’t want to be scolded anymore, so I want to study. Of course, without Nina knowing.”

Maya looked at my dejected face, then cleared her throat and lowered her voice.

“I can help you. I’ll let you know when the servants aren’t around. You can sneak into the kitchen storage then.”

I grabbed her hands with a surprised look.

“Can you really do that for me, Maya?”

“Of course, Miss.”

Maya smiles brightly, looking at her held hands. I also raised the corners of my mouth.

“Thank you. I just want to put Nina in her place once.”

“If it’s for that, please let me help. I’ll do anything.”

Maya, her eyes shining, sniffled and stood up.

“You might catch a cold, so please sit by the fireplace for now. I’ll bring you some tea.”

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

I quietly watched Maya’s retreating figure as she walked away quickly. She seemed even more innocent than I had thought.

Nina, having worked as the head maid for a long time, had a tight grip on most of the maids working in the Bickman household. To them, one word from Nina was more important than anything I said.

As time passed with Kirhin away, Nina’s attitude towards me began to change little by little. And her dismissive gaze towards me was also influencing the maids.

Yesterday, during dinner, I saw a maid snickering when I got confused about the order of using forks. She was an older maid who was very close to Nina.

That snicker will soon spread to everyone like a plague. When Kirhin returns, they will of course treat me respectfully again, but the mockery that has already seeped deep into their hearts will burst out from those lips at any time.

The kitchen storage is close to Nina’s room. While other servants use a separate building as their quarters, Nina and Brook stay inside the mansion. Brook’s room is near Kirhin’s room on the west side, while Nina’s room is located above the basement storage where the storerooms are clustered.

My goal is Nina’s room. I intended to figure out what she likes and dislikes, what makes her happy and sad, and what she wants to hide.

Everyone has things they want to hide, and those are usually their weaknesses.

The hero Yuzerk, during his boyhood, snuck into the house of a local landowner who looked down on and ignored him as an orphan for 21 days, and found out that what he feared most was dead rats.

One morning, when the landowner woke up, he found himself surrounded by dozens of dead rats and went insane on the spot.

“…What is it that drives you mad, Nina?”

I muttered towards the empty air with my chin resting on my hand. The sound of heavy rain pouring down was echoing loudly.

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