Chapter 6 Part 1

Although it was May, the weather was too hot to be called spring—it felt more like summer. Gihyun received a piece of news.

“Professor Park Ju-sung has come to the school.”

The administrative staff who had a favorable impression of Gihyun provided him with various updates. When Gihyun had mentioned, almost in passing, that he wanted to attend Professor Park Joo-sung’s class at the beginning of the semester, the answer came quickly: he would be abroad participating in consecutive conferences and wouldn’t return to Korea until May, and this year he would only be teaching graduate courses.

When Gihyun heard that the person he had been waiting for had arrived, he canceled all his appointments and sat in an empty classroom. This was his father, whom he had only heard about from his mother. It was complicated to think about what to say to a father he had never met. Still, Gihyun looked just like his mother. If his father remembered her, he wouldn’t be able to miss recognizing him.

Gihyun was also confused about what to say if his father did recognize him. Questions like why he had abandoned them or why he hadn’t come to the funeral came to mind, filled with resentment. He waited until late afternoon.

It was a time when students wouldn’t be passing by. Gihyun mustered up the courage and headed to Professor Park’s office. Fortunately, the sign on the door read “Present.”

Gihyun stood quietly in front of the door. After clearing his mind, he knocked. At first, there was no answer. He knocked again, and a voice told him to come in. He carefully turned the door handle.

When the door opened, he saw a middle-aged man sitting at a desk. Professor Park glanced up briefly, confirmed that Gihyun was a student, and then returned his attention to his book.

“I don’t have any appointments for today,” he said.

“…….”

“If you haven’t made an appointment, a meeting is not possible.”

Gihyun entered and closed the door behind him. He looked at his father’s face. The elderly man, with his white hair, looked tense. The only feature he shared with Gihyun was his prominent nose.

“Do you remember Park Hyo-jin?”

Professor Park looked up, adjusted his glasses, and stared at the student standing before him.

“…Park Hyo-jin was my mother.”

Gihyun couldn’t bring himself to say the words that he was the professor’s son. However, Professor Park seemed to understand. With a weary expression, he took off his glasses and set them down on the desk.

“What brings you here?”

His attitude was nothing more than what one would expect when dealing with a student, and no more. Gihyun was choked by his father’s lack of concern or inquiry.

“…My mother mentioned that you were working at this school.”

“…….”

“…So, I enrolled this year.”

There were no words of encouragement. Professor Park simply sighed and avoided making eye contact with Gihyun.

“I heard about your mother. It seems you’ve been studying hard.”

“…….”

“Congratulations on getting into K University. It’s a prestigious school. If you manage your grades well, finding a job should be easy. There’s also the mentoring system, so if you make a good impression on your advisor, there will be many benefits.”

The interaction felt off. It wasn’t the warm meeting Gihyun had imagined, but such a cold one was beyond his expectations. With his minimal expectations crumbling, Gihyun’s expression faltered.

“If you want to succeed in finding a job, it would be better to choose another advisor rather than me. …I have a wife and a son who is about your age. My wife manages the finances, and we plan to have our son attend this school as well. If you came here because you needed money or a job…”

“It seems you’ve misunderstood something.”

Gihyun’s composure broke entirely. He responded coldly.

“I didn’t need anything. I was just curious about what kind of person you are.”

“…….”

“I wonder what kind of man you are that my mother couldn’t forget and lived her life in alcohol addiction and depression.”

Professor Park rubbed his forehead. The man’s anguish, who had never taken responsibility for his actions, seemed even more detestable. It was just crocodile tears. Gihyun felt everything he had endured collapsing, and he spat out his hatred.

“You lived your life ignoring both my mother and me. I won’t ask you to play the father now, and I won’t treat you as one either.”

“…….”

“Stay away. If we meet again, I’ll send you back to my mother.”

With this burst of sincerity, Gihyun threw open the door and left. A young woman stood by the door. In his emotional turmoil, Gihyun didn’t even notice her presence as he walked down the hallway.

His father, who had ignored his mother’s death, had even trampled on his pride. Gihyun’s eyes reddened with anger and sorrow at the denial of his very existence.

Gihyun felt a tightness in his chest. Something seemed to be stuck in his throat. Thinking about how his mother would have been treated even if she were alive only fueled his anger further. He stumbled out of the building.

He had lived his life focused on getting into K University, but now it seemed meaningless. His anger towards his father and the world turned inward. He wanted to destroy something, whether it was himself, his father, or his father’s son.

While walking aggressively, he collided forcefully with someone. The books the other person was holding fell into a puddle of mud.

“Damn it, what the hell?”

Gihyun, having bumped into the person first, ended up taking his frustration out on them. Minjoo, who happened to be the person Gihyun ran into, looked at him with concern. The fact that he had encountered someone he knew momentarily quelled his rage. Seizing the opportunity, Minjoo asked,

“Is something wrong?”

Gihyun didn’t answer. Minjoo continued to show concern.

“Have you eaten? If not, would you like to eat with me?”

“…….”

“If you’re up for it, we can also have some drinks.”

“…….”

“…It’s my birthday today. I’ll treat you.”

As soon as they settled into a bar, Minjoo silently refilled Gihyun’s glass. Gihyun drank until he was completely drunk. Though his hatred and anger did not fade, his wariness and pretense disappeared. The only target left for his fury was Minjoo, who was just assisting him with drinks.

“Why do you like me?”

Minjoo was taken aback, but she didn’t deny it and simply blushed. Gihyun took a swig from his glass and said,

“Even my parents don’t like me.”

To Gihyun’s self-deprecating remark, an unexpected response came.

“Because you’re handsome…”

Gihyun was stunned. He couldn’t even muster a hollow laugh. It seemed like an obvious compliment, but hearing it from Cha Minjoo was something he hadn’t anticipated. Minjoo, unable to meet Gihyun’s eyes, fixed her gaze on the table.

“You stood out since orientation.”

“…….”

“When I looked at your face, your eyes were like something out of a novel.”

Gihyun raised an eyebrow, wondering if Minjoo was mocking him, but she only offered a faint smile.

“You looked like you had a story, a bit sad. It made me curious.”

There were moments, seemingly trivial, that could captivate someone like magic.

“When you paid for my bus fare, it felt like destiny. And we happened to be in the same elective course. When you came up to me and asked to see my notes… I thought maybe this was fate.”

It was quite a lengthy confession about being attracted to his face. Gihyun snickered inwardly and took another drink. However, Minjoo continued to shyly express her feelings.

“…There’s something about your eyes that doesn’t seem like you’re a bad person. I also like how you interact with people in such a straightforward way.”

Gihyun found it amusing that she described his indifference as straightforward.

“You shouldn’t go into business.”

“Why?”

“Because you lack an eye for people.”

“True. I don’t think I’m cut out for leading.”

Even though Gihyun’s remark was sarcastic, Minjoo smiled, oblivious to the tone. Her laughter spread around, and Gihyun’s gaze lingered for a moment. After drinking another glass of soju, Minjoo offered what comfort she could.

“Do you feel any better?”

“…No.”

“How come?”

“I just want to die.”

Maybe it was the atmosphere that seemed willing to accept anything, but Gihyun spoke like a troubled teenager. He took another drink to wet his throat.

“There’s no reason to die, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a reason to live either.”

“……”

“Everything’s messed up.”

Gihyun laid bare his feelings. Usually, when he acted this way, people would pick up on his cynical and sensitive sides and distance themselves. However, Minjoo remained steadfastly by his side, undisturbed.

“Even though you don’t know what’s ahead, you’ve overcome a lot and made it this far.”

It felt like she was acknowledging his endurance.

“No matter what has happened, it’s not your fault.”

The comforting words that seemed straight out of a moral textbook lightly touched Gihyun’s heart. While it might be true that Gihyun wasn’t to blame for his father’s indifference or his mother’s suicide, the shield he had erected felt meaningless now. Gihyun ordered another bottle of soju, poured some into Minjoo’s glass, and drank more himself.

“When I was little, I used to fall down a lot. My knees would get scraped, and it was so painful. My mom would hit the ground and say it was the ground’s fault, that it was bad.”

“That sounds like nonsense.”

“Yeah, but when she did that, I didn’t cry anymore. It was comforting to hear that it wasn’t my fault. Now I realize she was just trying to cheer me up and offer comfort.”

“……”

“Sometimes, just living through things can make them seem insignificant later on.”

Gihyun scoffed again. The missing pieces would still be missing even after time had passed. Minjoo’s words didn’t reach him.

Yet, the alcohol seemed sweeter today, and he thought it might be worth living through just one more day. Gihyun took another drink and then noticed the book lying next to Minjoo. It was the book that had fallen into the muddy water after Gihyun bumped into it. It was now a rag.

“Aren’t you going to throw that book away?”

“Because it’s a book I like. There are a lot of notes and highlights because I really like it, and I always carry it around… I’m trying to dry it out.”

Gihyun’s eyes were drawn to the title on the cover. Despite the dirt, the title was still clearly visible:

 *The Catcher in the Rye.*

As Gihyun continued to focus, Minjoo picked up the book and handed it to him. Gihyun took it without much thought and opened it. True to Minjoo’s words, the book was well-loved, with several passages highlighted in fluorescent markers.